Chapter 33
But her ears, which had been suffering from tinnitus since being slapped by Callista, were muffled, and the sound of the rain was too loud.
“…Daphne!”
Above all, he had never once called her by her name. So this must be a dream as well, Daphne thought, rubbing her furrowed brow against her knees as if floundering in sorrow.
It was then.
Someone grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her up. Daphne’s head, lifted by the momentum, immediately dropped as there was no strength in her neck. Then, her chin was promptly grabbed, and her face was lifted. Daphne groaned as if in pain.
『Ah….』
“Get a hold of yourself. Look at me, Daphne.”
His voice was calm but laced with urgency.
“You’ll die if you stay like this. Look at me.”
Daphne replied as if in a dream.
『I…. I can’t die yet….』
“So open your eyes and look at me. You mustn’t lose consciousness.”
At those words, Daphne slightly lifted her heavy, wet eyelids. All the while, the rain poured down relentlessly. Everything was hazy, and though she truly couldn’t see anything, Daphne was almost certain.
“…Johan. It’s you.”
Her body trembled, and her teeth chattered, producing a wretched voice. At that, Johannes’s usually calm voice trembled as well.
“Just how long. How long have you been out here. What on earth were you thinking….”
Just then, lightning once again split the forest. For a moment, the surroundings lit up, and the sight of Daphne, limp as a corpse, with one cheek red, split, and swollen, entered Johannes’s eyes. Johannes forgot what he was about to say.
“What… What happened. Daphne, who….”
He found himself stuttering, and Daphne, despite her dazed state, was consumed by the thought that she must not lose Johannes. With a strengthless hand, she grabbed his wet collar.
“I… I thought I would never see you again.”
“……”
“Truly…. I thought it was the end. That I had ruined everything…. But you came.”
“This is not the time for this. Get up, quickly….”
“I, I was wrong. I won’t, I won’t do it again. I’ll never trouble you.”
“Princess, this isn’t the time….”
“You don’t have much time left before you leave, so, just until then.”
“……”
“I won’t ask for more than that.”
Johannes’s lips parted blankly as if in shock, then he bit them weakly and let go. Finally, he spoke in a subdued voice.
“…Your body is too cold. You said you wanted to live, but do you actually wish to die?”
“That’s. That’s not it. I….”
Daphne, who had been urgently denying it, faltered. It was because she had suddenly realized what he wanted, what he feared. Daphne opened her mouth as if possessed.
“…Johannes.”
“……”
“I won’t die.”
At the rather abrupt statement, Johannes’s eyebrows furrowed. Daphne’s hand moved through the darkness toward Johannes’s cheek. Johannes felt her touch approaching but did not avoid it.
“I will never, ever die easily.”
Just look at me a little. The last words couldn’t form into sound. Daphne’s hand finally touched Johannes’s cheek, and at that moment, lightning struck, and once again, the surroundings brightened.
Their faces were closer than she thought. Daphne stared blankly into his eyes. Johannes did not avoid her gaze. The light quickly faded. And a short while later, a long noise followed, as if the world was collapsing.
Johannes endured an unidentifiable lurching feeling. His cheek was resting against her palm. It was only after he belatedly realized that the hand supporting his cheek was trembling precariously that he could come to his senses.
Johannes gripped Daphne’s wrist, pulled her hand from his face, and then removed her hood, which was heavy with rainwater. He hesitated over whether he should remove her nightgown as well, but quickly gave up and threw off his own cloak and shirt.
Even in her hazy state of consciousness, Daphne asked, feigning surprise.
“Johan, what are you doing?”
“Your body is too cold. Endure it for just a moment.”
Johannes then pulled Daphne into his arms. Suddenly finding her face buried in Johannes’s bare chest, Daphne blinked several times as if bewildered.
“This will be a little better.”
“……”
“Princess.”
“…Yes, yes.”
“I’m going to take you to the castle like this…. Don’t be surprised.”
Daphne nodded against his chest, and taking that answer as a signal, Johannes rose to his feet, supporting her by the bottom. Daphne held her breath for a moment, feeling his large palm cupping her back.
As if to say it was alright, Johannes let her lean her cheek against his neck and held her trembling body a little tighter. Daphne instinctively burrowed into the crook of his neck. His pace slowed for a moment, but she didn’t notice.
Johannes began to walk toward the castle, weaving through the trees. The rain continued to fall, and the sound of it made it difficult to know Daphne’s exact condition. Johannes spoke to Daphne from time to time.
“You mustn’t fall asleep. I can’t go inside the castle.”
“Yes.”
“Princess.”
“…Yes.”
“……”
But her replies grew slower as time passed. After some deliberation, Johannes opened his mouth.
“…Last winter.”
“……”
“I had nothing to do after I stopped going to the battlefield. That’s when I happened to drift into the forest. So…. the only people I’ve met in the forest are Leopold and you.”
Daphne, who had almost lost consciousness, reacted slowly.
“…What?”
She couldn’t understand what he was suddenly talking about. Regardless, Johannes continued.
“I turned twenty-two last spring.”
“……”
“My height… Itium people are particularly tall. I’m on the taller side among them.”
Daphne soon realized that Johannes was answering her past questions one by one.
“I take after my father, and Leopold takes after our mother.”
“…Ah. That one, I somehow thought that would be the case.”
Daphne whispered faintly, as if talking in her sleep. Johannes answered a few more things after that. His voice was as gentle as a lullaby, but Daphne’s mind grew clearer and clearer.
“My family, the only family I have left is Leopold.”
“…I see.”
“They were all murdered.”
His tone was calm. So Daphne belatedly flinched and raised her head. But all she could see was his strong jawline. She couldn’t tell what kind of expression he was making. Johannes had her rest her head, which was trying to see his face, on his shoulder again.
“I must avenge them. That is the reason for my early return.”
“Why is Itium in a hurry to return?”
She had asked once before. Daphne whispered, I’m sorry, against his neck. Johannes continued, unconcerned.
“The things I will do from now on will by no means be honorable.”
He paused for a moment, choosing his words.
“…I am an ordinary human. I cannot bear it without taking revenge, and even protecting the one person I have left… is sometimes overwhelming.”
It was, uncharacteristically of him, a disorganized statement, and it was perhaps the first time he had spoken of his deep, inner thoughts. Daphne held her breath and listened to his voice.
“People die more easily than one can imagine. And I… I fear death. Very much.”
Johannes Tennan was revered as a god on the battlefield, but he was, in fact, human. And there were limits to a single human’s strength.
Johannes didn’t want to see the deaths of his loved ones anymore. He didn’t want to feel that powerlessness anymore. He was not unaware of the absurdity of having such a wish when he had taken thousands, tens of thousands of lives, and was destined to bring about even more death in the future.
“What I want to say is…. I am not a god, as people say, nor a hero, as you might think.”
“……”
“A blood-soaked murderer would be the most fitting description.”
“……”
“I am not a man worthy of your affection.”
He was not a human being worth waiting for, dragging a sick body out into the rain.
