Chapter 017
Catching a cold is a common ailment for outsiders living in Raslet.
It was due to the bitter cold that was difficult to endure unless you were born and raised in the north.
The term “common ailment” also meant it wasn’t serious.
You might catch it occasionally, suffer through it, but ultimately, you wouldn’t die from it.
As I suffered from a high fever, I pondered how disappointed Sioden must be.
I was terrified of how much distrust I had earned by hastily gathering lies out of fear of his exhausted expression.
Besides Sioden’s distrust, I was also afraid of the actual consequences.
Glasir’s death was truly a grave matter. Everything that Rowen had done could be overlooked as long as I took the blame and reflected on it, but the desecration of the heirloom could not be excused.
Moreover, this time I had even admitted my guilt with my own mouth, so I couldn’t even predict how the situation would unfold.
Perhaps Sioden might imprison me or send me back to the south.
What would happen to me if I returned to Rowen?
‘Your brothers will take what they need from Raslet. You just need to avoid doing anything foolish in the meantime.’
That was what my father had said.
Admitting that I killed Glasir was likely considered a “foolish act” by my father’s standards.
The root cause—the real culprit who ordered Glasir’s death—was most likely Rowen, along with my father, Demian, and Iswen, who had constantly provided grounds for distrust, but this wouldn’t be considered.
After taking all the blame and insults… I’d be married off again.
As someone using the Rowen name, I was nothing more than my father’s asset. Therefore, I would be sold off according to his profit.
“She couldn’t even manage a proper marriage, yet she’s doing it twice.”
I could already hear Iswen’s cold voice echoing in my ears.
I felt a sense of injustice about being tossed around my entire life without regard for my own will.
However, my sense of injustice had never mattered before, so that feeling soon passed. The fever also subsided.
Yet, even after recovering from the cold, Sioden did not come to find me to announce my punishment. He didn’t put me on trial or demand that I apologize to Merwen.
With nothing happening, instead of feeling relieved, I became even more anxious.
Perhaps Sioden had already decided to send me back to the south. Since he was corresponding with Rowen, there was no need for him to come looking for me.
That fear pounded in my chest dozens of times a day.
When I could no longer endure that pounding, I finally resolved to seek out Sioden.
I wasn’t sure if he would accept me, but I wanted to beg for forgiveness in any way possible to prevent being sent to Rowen.
However, as soon as I stepped out of the bedroom, a knight blocked my path.
“His Excellency has ordered you not to leave the bedroom.”
“…What did you say?”
“Please remain in the bedroom. It is His Excellency’s command.”
I couldn’t dare to refute the cold decree. I knew all too well how I would appear in Sioden’s eyes.
Still, I felt that if I stayed quiet, I would only learn of my fate to the south after it had been decided, so I wrote a letter.
“Can you deliver this to His Excellency?”
But the knight guarding the bedroom door tore the letter open in front of me.
“What are you doing…?”
“It is His Excellency’s command.”
The knight replied while reading the letter I had written to my husband.
“His Excellency instructed that any letters from you must be inspected for content.”
I felt my face flush with shame.
The content of the letter was merely a request to talk, but showing it to someone else was a different matter altogether.
Especially since that disclosure was not of my own volition, even more so.
After reading the entire letter, the knight looked at me with indifferent eyes.
“It seems there are no issues, so I will deliver it to His Excellency.”
No, that’s not needed.
If I had been a little braver, I would have shouted that and immediately snatched the letter away.
But in that moment, I had no choice but to nod my head, swallowing back tears that were about to flow.
Nothing can be gained without enduring shame.
That was one of the lessons I learned in the north.
☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓 ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓
That night, Sioden came to see me.
When he entered the room, I was sitting on the bed.
I tried to get up, but Sioden shook his head. Leaning against the bedpost, he spoke in a subdued voice.
“I heard you requested a meeting during the day.”
Sioden still looked exhausted.
It didn’t seem like he was busy with work or physically drained, but rather that he felt worn out facing me.
A stagnant situation can be tiring for a person.
There’s nothing more exhausting than facing an unchanging opponent, and I must have appeared the same to his eyes.
I needed to quickly state my purpose so as not to take up too much time from a weary person, but the words wouldn’t come easily.
No matter how much I tried to rationalize it, I couldn’t easily forget the incident of the knight inspecting my letter during the day.
The embarrassing feelings I experienced at that time still lingered within me. If I spoke before I was ready, it felt like everything would spill out onto Sioden.
Isn’t it too much to have someone check the letters I send to you?
I know you dislike me and find me tiresome.
But still, wouldn’t that cause me too much pain?
That day, I swallowed similar words countless times. I swallowed and swallowed, finally managing to voice a question that held little of my true feelings.
“Um, what will happen regarding my punishment…?”
It seemed that even that was hard for Sioden to endure.
He contorted his face.
“Is that all you’re curious about, so you wrote a letter? What on earth are you…?”
Without finishing his sentence, he inhaled as if he were gathering something.
“You have always stirred up Raslet while relying on your family’s status.”
His once warm blue eyes had turned cold as they looked at me.
“Now, that is over.”
“Are you going to send me back to the south?”
I knew that question sounded foolish.
But I couldn’t bear not to ask it. At that moment, I was truly afraid. The ‘end’ Sioden spoke of carried a particular weight.
Just by being uttered into the air, it felt like it could shatter our relationship and even bring my existence crashing down.
Sioden stared at me intently and replied in a fractured voice.
“…If possible, I would like to do just that.”
That day, just before he left the bedroom, he turned back and said,
“There’s no need to write letters from now on. Unless you are dying, I will not come to see you.”
Regardless of the fact that his words dug into my heart, Sioden truly kept his promise.
☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓 ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓
Perhaps that’s why he is in front of me now.
I blinked away my blurred vision and thought. Is Sioden looking down at me now because I am dying, having come to see my face one last time?
“Iella.”
Something hot fell onto my cheek.
Having cried a lot, I immediately recognized what it was. Sioden was crying.
That’s absurd. That was the first thought that crossed my mind.
Don’t do this. Get a grip. Why are you crying when I’m dying?
The words I wanted to say piled up in my throat, but no sound came out. My mouth moved a few times, but I trembled instead. It was too cold.
Well, when was there a time it wasn’t like this?
Ever since I lived in the north, I had always been sensitive to the cold. No matter how warmly I dressed, the chill felt like it had seeped beneath my skin and wouldn’t leave.
The only difference now was that Sioden was trying to hold me.
But when he reached out to me, my back burned as if it had been scalded. If this was his last attempt to embrace me, I appreciated it, but it wasn’t a pain I could endure for that.
It hurts, please don’t. The words rose to the roof of my mouth, yet my voice still wouldn’t come out.
I tried to push Sioden away, who was trying to pull me in without a clue, but my arms lacked strength.
My body didn’t feel like my own, and I wondered why this was happening. As I vaguely thought about it, Sioden spoke.
“You’re losing a lot of blood. You must not lose consciousness.”
Ah. Then something came to mind.
“I told you that if you didn’t meet the deadline, I’d whip you at the castle walls, but you didn’t respond.”
It seemed l really had been whipped.
Considering my injuries, I slept well.
It made sense. Ever since being imprisoned by Acel, I hadn’t been able to sleep well.
At first, I was scared. Then, I stayed up all night wondering if I would hear any news from Sioden.
But now Sioden was right in front of me.
So, maybe it was okay to sleep a little.
“Please, Iella.”
As I closed my eyes, his wet voice echoed in my ears.
Tears are tiresome. It was exhausting that Sioden always wished for things I couldn’t do.
Just once, I wanted to do things my way. With that thought, I welcomed the overwhelming sleep.
The first act of rebellion against his words was sweeter than I had anticipated.
