Chapter 006
That day, did I hear someone calling my name from behind?
The sound of the rain was too heavy to be certain.
Even if someone had called me, I wouldn’t have been able to turn around.
I couldn’t even remember in what state of mind I returned to my room. By the time I stood on the exotic carpet laid on the floor, my vision was already blurred.
It was merely a cold I caught from being caught in the rain.
“Oh my, Miss…”
I vaguely recalled the maid who had come in to check what I was doing, her expression one of horror.
She seemed to think I had gone out onto the balcony and gotten caught in the rain, fussing and saying various things. None of her words remained in my memory.
After all, they were all criticisms wrapped in concern.
Most of these loyal watchers of my father treated me that way. Only a few, without the guise of worry, freely insulted or blamed me.
One of those few, Iswen, came to see me that evening.
☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓 ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓
“You met Raslet.”
The moment Iswen, sitting on the chair by the bed, uttered those words, my heart began to race.
Does he know about today’s events?
But if he did, he would have come to find Demian first, furious that I had disobeyed him.
I hesitated to speak. I was afraid of worsening the situation with an unnecessary slip of the tongue.
Iswen stared at me, anxious, and added,
“Last night, Demian told me.”
So he didn’t know about what happened today.
Before I could even feel relieved, the questioning began.
“Apparently, you were together in a place where no one was watching. What did Raslet do to you?”
“He didn’t do anything.”
My face began to burn. There was no way Sioden would ever find out about this conversation, yet it felt as if he were watching us. I couldn’t bear the embarrassment.
I felt so sorry for him, treated as a scoundrel just for being kind to a stranger.
It was unfair.
Kindness is undoubtedly a noble value. A person who is gentle to others is a good person. That’s why nobles mimic kindness through various formalities.
Yet, Sioden’s kindness toward me seemed to be turning into his flaw.
Iswen and Demian were people who didn’t recognize the value of kindness; they were unaware that not everyone in the world was sharp-edged like them and that there were those whose nature was inherently gentle. It was unfair that Sioden’s reputation suffered because of this.
“You don’t know if he didn’t do anything or if he did something you didn’t notice.”
“Really, nothing happened! We just had some small talk while walking. He was a gentleman the whole time.”
Iswen shut his mouth tightly. After staring at me, he asked,
“Was he kind to you?”
I couldn’t readily answer that.
Of course, Sioden had been kind to me.
But it seemed that Iswen would use that fact to pick at me rather than see it positively.
“Seeing that you’re not answering, it seems to be true.”
Iswen coldly laughed.
“He might have been kind to you. Young men can be surprisingly foolish.”
I wanted to refute that. I wanted to say that the foolish ones were those who refused to acknowledge the higher values they didn’t understand and kept searching for hidden, base intentions.
But when faced with Iswen’s cold, chilling golden eyes, which resembled my father’s, I couldn’t speak. The fear deeply engraved in my bones weighed down my tongue.
Iswen sneered at me for being scared because of him.
“If Raslet showed you any affection, it was just a fleeting interest of one night. Under the name of Rowen, it will leave no trace.”
I knew that fact well, but Iswen seemed eager to mock me as if he couldn’t help himself.
“You can’t escape your family name wherever you go, so don’t have unnecessary expectations from others.”
He looked me up and down as if he could see right through me. His golden gaze felt chilling, piercing my skin.
“It means don’t believe that outsiders will be any different when even your family can’t fulfill what you want.”
His sharp words struck deep like a blade. The pain of being mocked burned like a wound. My hands trembled involuntarily.
Iswen was saying that he could see right through me. He knew that I, who couldn’t find my place within my family, wanted someone to love and be loved by, even if it was outside the family.
And he was saying that such expectations were pointless.
Since my family didn’t provide what I desired.
The shame of having my innermost feelings, which I had never confessed to anyone, laid bare, combined with the anger of having my precious hopes trampled, made my face flush.
That day, as Iswen poured cold truths over me, he stood up and added,
“Even the maid who seemed like she would fill your void ultimately became a leash.”
“……”
“Don’t forget that.”
Bang.
The sound of the door closing echoed.
Only then did I release the breath I had been holding. I looked down at my trembling hands and tried to steady my ragged breathing.
I felt disgusted by my family, who held love—something they would never give or understand—as a hostage to shake me with.
As was often the case when my heart ached, I found myself missing Apple. Her bright red hair, like a ripe apple, and her lively freckles flashed before my eyes.
One by one, I recalled things that might wash away the unpleasantness Iswen had left behind. The early spring sunshine. The pale blue hydrangeas. The kind voice calling me “Miss.”
When the handsome smile of a man with bright blue eyes flashed before me, I unconsciously shut my eyes tightly.
“My name is Sioden Raslet.”
I clearly remembered those words, yet I couldn’t understand why he came to mind.
☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓 ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓
I could not attend the subsequent banquet. While it was because my cold hadn’t fully subsided, even if I had recovered, Demian would have found some excuse to keep me in my room.
It was strange that my father, who had told me to maintain a good relationship with Aiden, said nothing. However, since Aiden sent me flowers every day, perhaps he thought my seclusion was acceptable in its own way.
I even felt relieved that I had to recuperate in my room.
If I were to see Sioden’s face again, I wouldn’t know how to act.
The memory of his expression hardening the moment I revealed that I was a Rowen was vivid in my mind.
‘If Raslet showed you any affection, it was just a fleeting interest of one night.’
I didn’t want to confirm the truth of Iswen’s words by experiencing the change in the other person’s attitude.
Finally, when the banquet ended and everyone staying in the palace returned to their respective homes, the doctor, who had surely been instructed by Demian, diagnosed me as fully recovered.
That day, as usual, the palace attendant who brought me flowers came with one more basket.
“It was sent by Her Highness the Princess.”
Inside the basket were white jasmine flowers, filled to the brim.
When I unfolded the card placed on top, it contained a brief greeting written in neat handwriting.
[-To my dear Lady Rowen. Wishing you a complete recovery. Beatrice Litherin.]
Litherin was the family name of the imperial family.
Beatrice was the name of the only princess of the empire, the first princess and Aiden’s older sister.
So this flower indeed came from the princess’s palace.
However, it was unlikely that the first princess would send me flowers. Since losing her mother a few years ago, she had secluded herself and had not stepped outside the palace until now.
She occasionally showed her face at state events, but she never attended gatherings that had a more entertaining nature, like banquets.
So there was no chance for me to build a friendship with her, nor was there any special relationship with Rowen. My father, who had already laid the groundwork for a marriage with Crown Prince Aiden, would have no reason to turn his attention to another member of the royal family.
The attendant who delivered two baskets of flowers handed me another letter.
“It is a message from His Majesty the Emperor.”
The letter stated that if I had fully recovered, he would like to see me once before I returned to the Rowen estate in the capital.
This was a suggestion I had received occasionally before. I would probably exchange greetings and a few pleasantries over tea in the flower garden.
It was a natural invitation, aimed more at appeasing my father than anything else, to show that Rowen was being treated well.
Since my father and two brothers would be aware of the invitation, I was about to accept and prepare when the attendant spoke.
“He requested that you wear white if you have any.”
Aside from the first day, there was indeed a white dress among the clothes I had packed, not knowing I would miss the banquet.
It was an unexpected request, but since it was an imperial command, I couldn’t ask for an explanation.
I nodded to the attendant, who was waiting for my response.
“Understood.”
Wearing the requested white dress, I headed toward the emperor’s audience chamber, the promised meeting place, when I heard footsteps behind me.
“Ella?”
Turning around at the familiar voice, I saw the blue eyes I had thought were deeper and more beautiful in the light than in darkness.
I hadn’t expected to see someone I knew here, and without realizing it, I called out his name.
“Sioden…?”
