Chapter 42

Episode 42

After soaking in warm water once, Lydia felt much better.

She was on her way to the study upon hearing that Ilian was there.

As she pressed her still-damp long hair with a towel to get rid of the moisture, Lydia slowly opened the door to the study and immediately saw the blazing fireplace burning with an intensity unfit for the season.

The flames of the fireplace flickered and illuminated Ilian’s face as he slowly read through a sheet of paper.

His face bore such a deep intensity of concentration that Lydia couldn’t help but be startled when Ilian suddenly spoke.

“If you’re here, come sit. Don’t just stand there staring.”

There was a subtle chill to his words.

Lydia suddenly felt reluctant to enter. She feared he might question her harshly—how she could do such a thing, and why.

She had certainly acted rashly, and it would be a lie to say she hadn’t anticipated this situation, but the idea of being alone with Ilian was unappealing.

‘Should I just leave like this?’

That thought crossed her mind. Maybe she should just forget about the aftermath for today and go to bed.

“I’m not going to eat you, so come in.”

As if he had read her internal conflict precisely, Ilian lifted his head this time and spoke firmly.

As soon as their eyes met, Lydia, who had been cautiously gauging his mood, slowly approached and sat at the spot farthest from him.

“Not there. Come here. Do you want to catch a cold or something?”

Specifically, just as she was about to sit, Ilian reached out, grabbed her waist, and sat her down right by the fireplace.

The faint chill in the air disappeared, and only warmth remained.

“You didn’t even dry your hair properly.”

“I’m drying it right now.”

“If you plan to build a bird’s nest like that, then I suppose it makes sense.”

Any protest was pointless. Ilian snatched the towel from her hands and began tidying her increasingly messy hair.

Lydia blushed, bothered by the feel of his fingers brushing past her neck.

Her casual clothes, which exposed quite a bit of her neck, weren’t helping in this situation.

“I’m not a child. You don’t need to do that.”

As she tried to snatch the towel back from him, she inadvertently ended up closing the distance between them.

Her face kept heating up, definitely due to the strong warmth from the fireplace.

Otherwise, her heart wouldn’t be pounding this hard.

However, Ilian’s gaze, looking down at the now-close Lydia with such seriousness, forced her to quickly regain her composure.

“Promise me you won’t do that again, Lydia.”

It was an unexpected reaction for Lydia, who had anticipated a scolding.

She hadn’t expected this kind of approach. So the excuses and explanations she had prepared all flew out the window, and she could only give the most obvious response that came to mind.

“I’ll be careful next time. I’ll consider everything.”

“By ‘next time,’ I mean don’t do something that reckless ever again.”

To be honest, Ilian didn’t know what to do with the woman in front of him.

He wanted to be angry, but something told him it wasn’t right, and though he calmed himself, the dissatisfaction lingered.

“Of course, it’s my fault I didn’t anticipate the pond being so cold. The sunlight made me think it’d be warmer.”

“Lydia.”

“But I did think it through. The middle of the pond didn’t look that deep, and I figured I’d reach the bottom with just a bit of swimming.”

“Lydia.”

Finally, Lydia looked up and met Ilian’s eyes, which had called her name twice.

Reading the deep emotions in his blue eyes was difficult.

Ilian Esteban was someone this hard for her to understand.

Ilian gently cupped Lydia’s cheek. They were close enough to feel each other’s breaths.

“I told you to be more selfish.”

“I was being selfish. It was my own subtle way of trying to get back at you.”

It was hard to focus on her answer, which tickled from behind her half-covered lips.

So was Lydia’s hand, naturally resting on his rolled-up sleeve.

Though her hand still held the chill of the outdoors, where it met his skin, it felt warmly ticklish for some reason.

“By doing something that self-sacrificing?”

“That’s the only weapon I have. But in the end, it worked out cleanly, didn’t it?”

As his hand slid slightly downward, he could feel the rapid pulse.

The sensation from her nape helped Ilian calm the tangle of thoughts in his mind, even just a little.

“Lydia, I don’t want to lose anything anymore.”

Just this once. It was the only time he spoke the truth so plainly. And he meant it.

Even though he knew Lydia had done it on purpose, watching her fall backward and drift away had been such a shock that it gave him a new realization.

That in the life ahead of him, the one thing he never wanted to lose—and maybe couldn’t let go of—was Lydia.

“My mother weakened after giving birth to me, and Ethan also left because of me. So…”

So, there was a lingering fear in him. Despite all his efforts—easy or difficult—to protect what mattered, he was someone who kept losing things.

Others called him a man who had everything, but in truth, none of what truly mattered to him remained. All that was left was maintaining the empty glory of the Esteban name.

So for various reasons—willing or unwilling—people rarely stayed by Ilian’s side.

At some point, he had even started pushing them away on purpose. But now, he had to admit that Lydia had managed to slip into that space and settle there.

Staring into his eyes swirling with emotion, Lydia suddenly rose, wrapped her arms around his neck, and slowly embraced him.

“You’re not losing me. I’m right here.”

After hearing about Ethan and his fate, Lydia felt a wave of regret wash over her again.

Even if it was a choice made out of necessity, she now understood why Ilian had acted so desperately—why he had no other choice.

“I’m sorry.”

As soon as she whispered that, Ilian, who had been holding back his breath, finally let it out. Warm breath touched her nape.

At the same time, she felt him gently wrap both arms around her waist and pull her in.

Lydia, resting her chin on his shoulder and facing him, said things she might not have been able to say clearly.

“I acted recklessly and startled you too. I wasn’t thinking things through.”

Ilian inhaled the faint scent of soap mingled with Lydia’s unique scent and, without realizing it, pulled her even closer.

As a result, Lydia lost her balance and ended up almost entirely in his embrace.

Even though he could’ve pushed her away, Ilian now realized he didn’t even want to anymore.

“You don’t have to feel that sorry. Like Alec said, it was effective.”

So, if it had been anyone else doing the same thing, Ilian might’ve admitted that it was a bold but effective strategy.

Sometimes a risky move is the only viable option when not in a battle of wits. He thought so too.

He just couldn’t accept Lydia using such a tactic.

Knowing she tended to throw herself into danger while believing she could handle it made it even harder for him to accept.

“…It’s getting uncomfortable now, so please let me go.”

Who knows how long they stayed in that position?

Unlike Ilian, who found it very satisfying, Lydia quickly began to fidget and tried to escape. But Ilian caught her before she could slip out of his arms.

“Why?”

When she looked up at him with eyes that demanded a reasonable explanation, he had nothing to say.

“Just because.”

“Just because?”

So he decided to play weak.

He deliberately leaned into her, hiding his face, and though she hesitated, Lydia soon responded by patting his shoulder again.

Ilian was beginning to learn, through Lydia, that the vivid warmth of another person could be this welcome.

He knew that her actions—gently stroking his back and hugging him tightly with those small hands—were simply kindness extended to someone who looked pitiful.

And even though that left a lingering bitterness, Ilian didn’t hesitate to accept her sympathy.