Chapter 9: To You Who Have Forgotten Me (6)

“Why… did you change your mind? Just a few days ago…”

He had driven in the nail, insisting he had never loved her. She couldn’t understand why he would suddenly reverse himself.

As Lea struggled to make sense of it all, Caius answered in the same calm tone he had used from the beginning.

“I find myself needing you.”

His low voice stirred Lea’s heart far too easily. She didn’t even know what he truly meant, yet that one sentence made her heart waver helplessly.

Unable to hide her trembling eyes, Lea wet her lips. Caius leaned back slightly, as if giving her time to reply.

“…Why do you need me?”

Caius still hadn’t regained a single memory of their time together. As if to prove it, his gaze remained as distant and cold as if she were a stranger. Even as that one sentence shook her, his unfamiliar expression brought a pinch of reality crashing back.

Caius stared at her silently, his eyes lingering on her as if trying to decipher her thoughts, or perhaps lost in his own.

“You said you’d help me regain my memories.”

After a brief silence, he slowly tilted his head, giving an answer that didn’t quite fit.

“Do as you wish.”

His well-shaped lips curved into the faintest smile. At the same time, his gaze drifted downward to Lea’s hand. There, the ring still resting on her finger caught his eye, as if it were a part of her.

“I think it’s not such a bad proposal for you either.”

Caius straightened his head and spoke in a neutral tone, like someone who already knew she wouldn’t refuse. His calm, almost relaxed eyes seemed to see right through her to all the emotions she was trying to hide.

Even to Lea’s heart, which still loved him.

Lea clasped her hands tightly on her lap. Stroking the ring as if by habit, she finally gave him the answer he wanted.

“…All right. I’ll do as you say.”

Lea could still vividly recall every moment she had shared with Caius. Even if those memories no longer existed for him, they hadn’t vanished entirely. She wanted him to remember. She wanted to make him remember. She couldn’t bear to part from him forever having done nothing. Even if it was selfish, she couldn’t help it.

Even if he meant to use her, she was willing to be used.

“I’ll be calling on you again soon.”

Perhaps taking her response as agreement, Caius rose from his seat. Lea looked up at him and gave a slow nod. Only then did he turn to leave.

Just as calmly as he had entered, he walked away, and Lea followed his retreating back with her eyes until the very end.

* * *

They began accompanying each other to official events from that day forward.

“Lady Lea, His Highness has arrived.”

Sophia rushed into the bedroom and relayed the news. Lea, who had just finished dressing and was sitting quietly, nodded and rose from her seat.

True to his word, Caius was fulfilling the role of her fiancé. As such, he came to escort her according to schedule and brought her to every occasion as his betrothed.

“Are you all right?”

Just as Lea was about to leave the room, she paused at the cautious voice behind her. Turning her head, she saw Sophia’s face filled with concern.

Lately, Sophia had taken to asking these kinds of ambiguous questions. Her worried gaze often carried the weight of unspoken words. Lea had a vague sense of what was in her heart.

“I didn’t sleep well. Can you tell?”

But even if that were true, she couldn’t speak openly about it. Lea tilted her lips into a faint smile, feigning nonchalance. The small smile blooming on her pale face looked as if it might disappear at any moment.

“N-no, not at all! You look beautiful today, as always. Ah, you should hurry. His Highness must be waiting.”

Perhaps sensing Lea’s desire to move on, Sophia dropped the subject and quickly opened the door for her. Only then did Lea turn around, her forced smile slowly fading from her lips.

Caius stood leaning against the wall opposite her quarters. His eyes, gazing at her with a raised chin, looked strikingly blue today.

Was that the color of a frozen lake?

While Lea took in his distant figure, he closed the distance in just two steps and held out his hand.

“Let’s go.”

Despite the icy look on his face, his actions remained courteous and proper.

Lea stared at his outstretched hand. In moments like this, she couldn’t help but remember. 

A long time ago, a young man with warm eyes who had gently taken her hand.

[“Lea.”]

For a fleeting moment, she thought she heard someone call her name and looked up. 

But the man standing before her wasn’t the gentle boy from her memories. He was a man as cold and distant as a snow-covered mountain.

Her once-clouded violet eyes slowly regained focus. Regaining her composure, she took his hand. Caius began to walk, lightly gripping hers.

They moved forward with a thoroughly formal escort. Lea clutched his hand reflexively, steadying her breath that threatened to waver with every step.

His hand, roughened from years spent away from the capital, bore the texture of harsh life. As her fingers brushed lightly over a faint burn mark on the back of his hand, her expression softened.

Once, a maid under the Empress’s orders had ‘accidentally’ spilled scalding tea on Lea. Caius, present at the time, had shielded her immediately, taking the burn himself. Though his arm had been protected by fabric, the unguarded back of his hand had not escaped unscathed.

Even now, whenever Lea saw that scar, she felt a pang of guilt.

[“I’m sorry… because of me…”]

Whenever she gently stroked the scar and tried to apologize, Caius would stare at her somberly before suddenly pressing a kiss to her lips.

[“I told you not to say sorry.”]

And with that whisper, he would relentlessly make her forget her guilt.

As Lea’s thoughts fell into that familiar spiral of memories, her gaze dimmed and Caius abruptly pulled his hand away.

“…!”

Lea’s eyes snapped open. When she looked up, Caius was staring at his own hand with a furrowed brow. His face twisted with discomfort, as if he’d touched something he shouldn’t have.

“I-I’m sorry.”

Lea stammered, her lips parting in surprise. Caius looked at her with the same displeasure in his eyes. Their gazes clashed, cold and sharp.

The sting in his eyes cut across her heart. Lea grasped the hem of her dress with the hand he had pushed away.

That look reminded her once more: the Caius before her now was no longer the warm man who had once loved her entirely.

A jarring sense of reality seeped into her, soaking her mind and dragging down her spirit.

Not long after, Caius let out a short, unreadable sigh.

“No… I overreacted.”

He extended his hand again. His expression was perfectly composed, as if nothing had happened.

Lea hesitated, her lips sealed. Her heart pounded wildly, refusing to calm. After a moment of further hesitation, her trembling fingers barely brushed his palm. Unlike before, her touch was light, almost weightless.

As they resumed walking, Lea had to force strength into her legs otherwise, she feared she might stop altogether.

Not a single word passed between them on the way to their destination.

Lea clenched her free hand tightly and endured the silence, which felt heavier than usual.

When they finally arrived at the Imperial Palace, it was Caius who broke the silence.

“Whatever His Majesty asks, say nothing.”

His quiet voice was barely audible, meant only for her ears. Lea nodded in understanding.

Their purpose today was to meet the Emperor.

This was Lea’s first time facing the Emperor so closely since the modest engagement ceremony held before Caius departed for the battlefield.

“His Highness the First Imperial Prince and Princess Ainel have arrived.”

As they reached the audience chamber with heavy steps, the chamberlain announced them in a loud voice. Soon, the grand golden doors began to open. Together, they stepped onto the red carpet embroidered with gold thread.

At the end of the long carpet, the Emperor, seated on the dais, turned his head to face them. His eyes, the same steely blue as Caius’s, narrowed with an unreadable glint.

“First Prince. You’ve come.”

The weighty voice filled the room. Lea quietly swallowed and met the Emperor’s gaze. 

Then, her eyes met those of Marguerite, seated beside him. With a serene smile as if painted onto her face, Marguerite looked at both of them.

“Yes, Your Majesty. As permitted, I’ve brought the princess with me.”

Only after Caius spoke did Lea shift her gaze from Marguerite and slightly lift the hem of her dress.

“I greet His Majesty the Emperor and Her Majesty the Empress.”

Though her greeting was flawless, the Emperor’s gaze remained displeased. As he silently stared, stroking his chin, Marguerite responded with gentle warmth in his place.

“Come now, both of you. What a lovely afternoon it is.”

Her smile was so graceful it could inspire awe as she turned to the Emperor.

“What a shame, Your Majesty. Since Caius is here for once, wouldn’t it have been nice if Diego had joined us too?”

Her voice was playful, laced with coyness. The Emperor’s stern expression softened as he replied indulgently.

“A family gathering can come later. Today, we have a guest.”

Though Lea knew he was referring to her, she only lowered her gaze. She had always known the Emperor disapproved of her. Though he had grudgingly allowed the engagement, she was under no illusion that it meant he had truly accepted her.