Chapter 002
Episode 2
It was strange. Whenever he met those eyes, he found himself staring, entranced, as if his mind had gone blank.
He hadn’t meant to agree, but while gazing into her eyes, he missed the moment to respond. The girl, taking his silence as consent, quickly began to move. Her small, pale hands busily rummaged over her body, and soon she took off her hat and began untying the green ribbon.
Noticing his gaze, she suddenly grew flustered and started to explain.
“Oh, this… it’s a new hat I wore for the first time today, so it’s clean. Um, of course, it’s not as sterile as a proper bandage, but it’s all I have right now… You’re going to see a doctor soon, so it should be fine for a little while.”
Only then did he realize he had been staring at her hands. Startled, he lowered his gaze to the ground and mumbled, “…I don’t mind. It’s fine.”
The girl gave an awkward chuckle and sat down close to his left side. A sweet fragrance wafted into his nose. The sudden, unfamiliar sensation left him flustered, his breath catching in his throat.
When she gently took his left hand with hers, he flinched at the warmth radiating from the soft flesh of her palm.
“Oh, did that hurt?”
“…No…”
It wasn’t his arm that hurt. But what was this feeling?
The warmth from where her hand touched spread up his arm and through his entire body. His heart stirred strangely, a heat seeping into it that made him feel unsteady. It almost felt like pain. Pain… maybe this was what pain felt like. A foreign bodily reaction, something he had never experienced before. It felt strange.
Could touching another person feel this soft, this warm?
The boy stared blankly at the girl’s gentle, smooth hands as she placed his hand on her lap. He hadn’t known hands could be so tender. All the hands he knew were rough and violent—pushing, hitting, pulling, shoving.
While he struggled to process this incomprehensible emotion, the girl, with slightly clumsy movements, began carefully wrapping the green ribbon around his left arm.
“How did you get hurt like this? Did someone hit you?”
“…Don’t worry about it.”
“But this… it’s not just from being hit with fists. This is a stab wound.”
After meticulously tying the knot with her small hands, she looked up at him. Feeling a pang of guilt, as if he’d been caught coveting something forbidden, the boy briefly averted his gaze before cautiously meeting her eyes again.
Clean, clear eyes.
Was it okay for him to look into them?
It felt like he was recklessly peering into something sacred and pure, something not permitted to him.
Something that wasn’t allowed in his world.
Something he shouldn’t touch…
“I don’t need help.”
After a moment’s hesitation, he pushed her away, as was his habit. He didn’t know what this was, but something foreign was trying to invade and change his gray world. It made him anxious. The unfamiliar sensation of his heart constantly stirring felt deeply uncomfortable.
The girl let out a small sigh, shrugged, and turned her gaze to the other wounds scattered across his body. Her eyes remained warm and gentle, filled only with concern and kindness, which felt utterly foreign and awkward to the boy.
…She probably doesn’t know who I am.
That was the conclusion he reached.
She’s acting this way because she doesn’t know who I am. Once she finds out, those eyes will change.
If those clear, radiant eyes turned into the gray, contempt-filled eyes of others, it would feel like… a great loss.
But even so, something like this—something that was never permitted in his world—was just a momentary mistake, an error. It was better to correct such errors quickly and return to how things were.
That’s how it should be. Suppressing this strange emotion and returning to his colorless world would be safer. If this intrusion grew stronger and became irreversible, only for that light to turn into contempt, it would be… too hard to bear.
He abruptly revealed his identity.
At the sound of his voice, she looked up, slightly startled. He almost met her eyes but turned away first.
He was afraid to see those eyes, now stripped of their color.
The kindness would be gone, replaced by contempt…
But how long could he avoid it? That was the natural order of things. The strange light and warmth from moments ago were the anomaly.
If he looked again, he would see the familiar negative gaze, and he could return to his original world.
A sunken world devoid of value or meaning.
Suppressing his expectations, he slowly lifted his head and met her eyes.
Oh.
She was smiling softly, her bright green eyes gently curving.
His heart wavered. A sharp, tingling pain surged through him.
“Are you telling me because you’re worried about me? Thank you. But don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”
***
That day, a crack formed in the boy’s gray world.
For the first time, light, warmth, and pain seeped in.
His world could no longer return to what it was before.
***
It was the first breath given to someone who had been sinking to the bottom, submerged in water, unaware of the world above.
When he didn’t know, he hadn’t hoped for it, but now that he knew, he couldn’t let it go.
The girl had simply extended a helping hand to a pitiful boy she came across, as she would to anyone else, but to the boy, it was an entirely new world.
He couldn’t distinguish between this new world and her, nor did he want to. To him, she was the new world. Something that had never been permitted, yet something he now craved after just one fleeting encounter.
The world he hadn’t realized was cold began to feel unbearably frigid after experiencing warmth. The scenery he hadn’t known was gray now seemed depressingly dull and monotonous after glimpsing color.
His feet, which had always floated without touching the ground, felt as though they had finally landed on solid earth in the form of this girl. The boy, who hadn’t known he was starving, realized his hunger only after tasting her sweetness.
The sensation was unfamiliar yet fascinating.
He wanted to see her again.
He wanted to touch her again.
He wanted her to look at him and smile again. He wanted to hear that sweet voice.
He wanted to glimpse that radiant, unknown world again.
Not knowing how to see her again, the boy returned to the same spot under the tree the next day. He deliberately went to places where they were, provoked them, got beaten more thoroughly, and then rested under the tree, waiting for her to appear.
And then,
She appeared again.
This time, she didn’t seem lost. She came straight toward him without looking around, as if she had come to this place on purpose. Her face lit up with joy at first, but upon seeing his wounds, she furrowed her brow and hurried over.
In the basket she carried were medicines, bandages, and some food.
Ha, how cute.
He had never imagined he could feel this way about another person.
From then on, it became a routine.
He deliberately provoked them to get beaten. The time spent enduring their violence, once merely tedious, now became thrilling with the anticipation of seeing her soon. If he didn’t feel injured enough, he’d even add a few wounds himself.
Once he deemed himself sufficiently wounded, he’d go to the forest, sit under the tree, and eagerly wait for her. Will she come? Will she come today? When will she come? Waiting. The excitement. The dizzying flutter in his chest. Everything was unfamiliar, fresh, and sweet.
She didn’t come every day, but she often showed up with her basket of medicines, tending to him with care and concern, chattering nonstop.
How could people keep hitting you like this? They’re awful. I can’t come here often, so please take care of yourself. Can’t you hide or avoid them? Even if you don’t feel pain, don’t keep getting hurt. Even small wounds can fester and lead to serious illness.
Her nagging, which sounded like a sweet melody, filled his ears without pause.
When her gentle hands touched his body, her worried gaze fixed on him, a dizzying pain resonated in his heart, and a languid spring warmth spread through his entire being.
To fully savor the sensation he couldn’t feel anywhere else, he’d half-close his eyes. She’d furrow her brow, asking if he was even listening, and even that exchanged glance felt good.
She seemed completely unaware that he was deliberately getting more injured. Should I add another knife wound next time? Where would be a good spot? he thought, savoring her touch. But he couldn’t make it too obvious, or she might notice.
Regrettably, once the treatment was done, she’d pack up her medicines and bandages into the basket and lay out the delicious food she’d brought. She seemed worried he wasn’t eating properly. Which, to be fair, was true.
While he savored the food as slowly as possible, she’d pick flowers nearby, admire the leaves, or, when in a good mood, dance by herself.
When she danced lightly like a butterfly under the sunlight, the hem of her yellow dress flared out like a blooming flower.
Sometimes, she’d spot a yellow butterfly like herself and chase after it, hopping playfully.
What a vibrant, adorable life.
Even if she were hidden among countless others, he felt he could always find her. She always radiated such brilliant vitality.
But that didn’t mean her vitality was robust. After chasing a butterfly here and there, she’d pant heavily, unable to even brush against it.
Her body was frail, and even a little running left her exhausted, her face flushed red as she sat down to rest for a long time.
“…Want me to catch it for you?”
“No, no. I just wanted to look at it because it’s pretty. If I actually caught it, the butterfly would get hurt. And patients should be resting.”
To him, the girl, panting and struggling after just a bit of running, seemed more like the patient. But he said nothing and nodded. In front of her, his role was the pitiful patient, and he intended to play that part faithfully.
