Chapter 44: Change (1)
Chapter 44: Change (1)
“Gasp.”
Had she been absorbed into Jin’s guilt or perhaps into Aynkel’s terror, having brushed against the brink of death? Whatever it was, Ariel had a vivid nightmare for the first time in a long while.
When she opened her eyes, it was the dim hour before dawn, when even the moonlight had vanished. As soon as she regained consciousness, an uncontrollable surge of emotions began bubbling up inside her like froth.
The fear and pain she had internalized from her brush with death. The guilt and sorrow for her younger brother, who must have felt those same emotions as he died. The relief she felt upon realizing she had survived. The shame at her own past arrogance, when she thought dying wouldn’t be so bad. The guilt stirred by Jin’s story, which overlapped with her own circumstances. The compassion she felt for him for having endured such emotions far longer than she had.
All the emotions she had experienced throughout the day surged to the surface in mere seconds, flooding her mind in chaos.
None of them were pleasant. And for someone with a weakened body, they were far too much to handle. The overflow spilled out as tears. Though she had wept enough during the day for her eyes to be swollen and aching, there was no stopping the onslaught.
Ariel was swept up in a relentless storm of emotion, as if her soul were about to be torn from her. The mental anguish showed no sign of abating. She was utterly drained.
At that moment, all Ariel wished for was…
“It hurts…”
Just a bit of rest. At least until her body recovered.
* * *
Four days passed by in a blink.
Receiving special treatment in a private room, Ariel had her own assigned physician. The pharmacist assigned to her, Ophelia, visited daily to check her injuries and apply medication, just as she did today.
“Hm. Must be the cursed energy… your recovery’s unusually slow. A normal wound like this would’ve healed in a day.”
“It doesn’t hurt nearly as much as it did the first day, though.”
“Really? If that’s how you feel, I suppose that’s a relief…”
After applying the ointment and wrapping the gauze with a bandage, Ophelia glanced naturally at Ariel’s face and continued in a slightly hesitant tone.
“But your complexion still isn’t good. You seem troubled. Is something bothering you? Stress really hinders recovery. Try to take it easy, okay?”
“Yes.”
Ariel replied with a faint smile. Ophelia shifted seats to face her directly, reaching out a hand. Ariel placed her IV-inserted hand atop it.
Ophelia removed the adhesive on the back of her hand, withdrew the needle, applied ointment, and sealed it with a patch. Then she stood, connected a new IV bag and needle, hooked the bag onto the IV stand, and sat back down to offer her hand again.
This time, Ariel extended her other hand, the one without a patch. Ophelia disinfected it gently with medicated cotton and inserted the needle. Ariel watched the entire process in silence.
With neither of them speaking, a hush settled over the room. Then suddenly, as she taped the gauze over the needle, Ophelia broke the silence with a small exclamation, as if recalling something.
“Oh, by the way, are you still not accepting visitors? Especially Lord Fereshte. He’s been sending messages every day… I got one first thing this morning too. Are you still planning not to see him?”
“Ah.”
At the question, the slight upturn at the corners of Ariel’s mouth dropped back to neutral. She suddenly remembered that she had declined visitors four days ago, wanting just a moment to collect herself.
She’d been so busy trying to sort through her emotions that she’d forgotten she’d even made that request. Her response came after a beat of silence.
“…How many have come?”
“You’re going to start accepting them now?”
Ariel gave a small nod.
Her mind was still tangled and her emotions unresolved, but waiting for everything to fall into place might take forever. Though her thoughts remained muddled, her body had recovered considerably. She figured it was time to at least let those waiting for her know that she was all right.
“Yes. Honestly, I’d forgotten. Thank you for reminding me. Would you mind bringing me any letters addressed to me?”
“Of course, of course. Take your meds and just wait a bit.”
“Thank you.”
Glancing briefly at the pill pouch and cup of water, Ophelia spoke and then left the room.
Not long after stepping out with quick steps, Ophelia returned. In her hands were several letters and a small notepad. She handed them all to Ariel and explained.
“These are contact details left by people who wanted to visit, even if it’s later. And these, well, as you can see, are letters. I haven’t looked through them myself, but I’m guessing most are from Lord Fereshte. All the envelopes look the same.”
“Is that so…?”
Recalling her past ordeal with a letter from Karma, Ariel accepted the bundle with a touch of apprehension. As soon as she took them in her hands, the voices within the letters rushed into her mind, eager to be heard.
[Are you okay? Were you badly hurt? Huh? Huh?]
[You stupid girl! I told you not to come to a place like that!]
[Why aren’t you answering!]
[You look like a cat, but you move slower than a bear!]
Thankfully, there weren’t any voices trying to scare her like before. But even without that intent, Karma’s fiery, frantic concern was loud enough on its own. Hearing them all together, the effect was no less overwhelming.
Ariel squeezed her eyes shut and opened them again, apologizing quietly in her heart. Unaware of Ariel’s internal chaos, Ophelia tidied up the remains of the treatment and added.
“I’ll be going now. If you’re in pain, need anything, or have questions, just call for me.”
“Oh, right. Thank you, Ophelia. Before you go, may I ask you one thing?”
“Sure?”
“Where’s the public communicator around here?”
“There’s one in the lounge just past the counter. If it’s too crowded or you need to call multiple places, there’s a phone booth about half a block outside the pharmacy. But since you’re still not fully well, I recommend using the one in the lounge.”
“Got it. Thank you.”
Ariel nodded, and Ophelia gave a bow before leaving the room.
* * *
Once she was alone, Ariel finally looked at what she had received. The first thing her eyes landed on was the notepad on top. It was filled with contact information. Ariel skimmed through the familiar names and numbers before setting it aside on the shelf. Then she turned her attention to the letters underneath.
There were six in total. With a heavy expression, Ariel began flipping through the envelopes, checking the senders’ names. Three were from Karma. Two were from her peers at Tarantella. And the last one…
“Jin Kreutz.”
The moment she saw the neatly written name, a strange, indescribable feeling swept through her. Memories of the past few days flashed through her mind like a reel, and the emotions she had buried struck her all at once.
Considering how many of her recent struggles had stemmed from him, his name shouldn’t have been welcome. And yet it wasn’t unwelcome.
Not quite pleasant, but not unpleasant either. Not exactly comforting, yet vaguely reassuring. Something she hadn’t consciously anticipated, and yet somehow had expected.
She couldn’t make sense of it herself.
With that subtle unease, Ariel found herself setting the other letters aside and opening his first.
As she opened the envelope, something slipped out along with the letter and landed on her lap with a soft thud. She glanced down instinctively. It was a deactivated messenger bird.
Ariel gave it a brief glance before turning her attention to the letter itself. And upon reading its contents, she was momentarily caught off guard. There was more blank space than text. Just three lines, really. Barely enough to call it a letter.
「If, once your heart has settled, you could send me a message of any kind. I’ll be waiting.
…And, thank you.」
But that surprise didn’t last long. As she linked the letter to how he usually spoke, it felt perfectly in character. A letter that was so very him. Then, almost immediately, she grasped what he meant by those two short sentences.
‘So you were worried about me…’
He had witnessed the death of her father right before his eyes. A man still haunted by guilt and burdened with scars. And she was the spitting image of her father. For him, if she had fallen into danger, or worse, died… it would have felt like history repeating itself. There was no way he could remain unaffected.
She herself had often been reminded of Aynkel whenever she looked at Joshua, who resembled her younger brother. She could fully understand how Jin felt.
It wouldn’t be exactly the same, of course. But imagining Joshua dying before her eyes inevitably reminded her of Aynkel. That chilling fear was probably close to what Jin had felt. If anything, he might have felt it even more acutely. Ariel thought as much.
Because she now had a clear, legitimate reason for his personal concern, she no longer felt unsettled by it. Without hesitation, Ariel resolved to send a reply.
That didn’t mean the complex emotions she associated with him were gone. But her sympathy for the man, who must be consumed with anxiety not knowing how she was, had grown stronger. Because she understood what that feeling was like.
More than that, there was one thing she couldn’t understand. That final line, written after a long blank space, with ink pressed deeply into the page.
‘…Thank you?’
For what?
At that moment, a voice echoed in her mind, the first the letter had made. It sounded remarkably like Jin’s, in tone and cadence.
[Because of you, the weight of guilt he carried in his heart has been lifted, at least a little.]
“Huh? Oh…”
The surprise lasted only a moment. Ariel soon understood what he meant.
She remembered what she had said to him when he told her the truth and was visibly tormented by it. She had tried to comfort him.
And it had worked.
……
T/N: Aww, Jin 🥺
