Chapter 42: Upheaval (10)

Chapter 42: Upheaval (10)

Cafena didn’t look pleased. Jin was well aware of what she must be thinking. He had barged in and demanded access to a collection of magic tomes that had been passed down through generations. Among them, Flame was particularly valuable, even among Erpheus’s magic books, and it was stored separately to prevent damage. Of course she wouldn’t be happy.

But Jin was determined to get his hands on it. It was rare to find a magic tome that was both ancient and well-preserved, and that contained such a systematic and comprehensive collection of fire spells, especially ones effective against giants.

In the end, acquiring the book wasn’t too difficult for Jin. Within the borders of Dantella, there was hardly anyone who could oppose his word. He paid a hefty sum and secured Flame. Then, returning to his unit, he asked someone to send her to him after lunch and left for his next assignment.

There were complications, but eventually, the book safely made it into her hands. Jin thought he could finally breathe easy.

That peace, however, was short-lived.

Time passed in a flash, and as her first deployment loomed ever closer, a kind of worry he had never experienced before clung to him and wouldn’t let go. The anxiety was unbearable.

Three days before her deployment, Jin visited the barracks of Commander Michelle Frey, who held the final say over the entire northern border force’s schedule.

“You mean… you want to take command of the Rem Mountain suppression mission?”

“Yes.”

And so, he became the commander for her first deployment. When the operation ended without incident and he saw Ariel return unscathed, not a scratch on her, the tension within him ebbed away like a receding tide.

The gray clouds finally parted. The sun emerged alongside a blue sky.

* * * 

Less than a few hours after the deployment ended, Jin caught wind of a rumor that Karma Fereshte had visited the unit. He had only half-listened at first until he learned that the person she came to see was Ariel.

Using her position, Karma had taken Ariel, who technically wasn’t allowed to leave, outside. Jin followed them. He knew it was a blatant breach of etiquette, possibly even a crime depending on how it was interpreted. But his body moved on its own. His mind and body were completely out of sync.

Jin cast an invisibility spell. There wasn’t a single mage who could perform it flawlessly, and he was no exception. Still, it was better than nothing. After all, the odds that the person beside Ariel really was Karma Fereshte were low.

As expected, it didn’t take long for Karma to sense his presence.

“Well, I suppose there’s no need to take it the wrong way. It’s not like your intentions seem malicious. If anything, considering how terrifyingly competent you are, having someone like you watching over her might actually guarantee her safety.”

Karma spoke while looking directly at the spot where he was hiding. Her gaze pierced through him like a blade. But unlike her sharp eyes, her words seemed almost to imply she would let it slide.

And she really did pretend not to see him. Jin found it unexpected but continued following them.

He didn’t go so far as to enter the place they arrived at. That was the last shred of his conscience reminding him that what he was doing was wrong. He stood outside, watching through the window.

Jin’s gaze remained fixed on Ariel. She looked at ease with Karma Fereshte, no wariness in her eyes, no trace of tears. That tranquility was exactly what he had wanted for her. She looked well.

And yet… for some reason, it didn’t sit right with him. Like a tiny pebble stuck inside a perfectly fitting shoe. A strange discomfort lingered. It was a feeling he couldn’t quite describe. Or perhaps it was only natural. He wasn’t used to being so emotionally stirred to begin with.

Maybe it was because she was Aska’s daughter. Because she resembled him so much. He had thought he’d escaped that emotional quagmire for good…

…But was that really all?

The question flickered in Jin’s mind. It had first surfaced the moment he saw Ariel and unconsciously projected Aska onto her.

Yes, at some point, he had stopped seeing Aska in Ariel.

Ariel resembled Aska. That much had been clear from the moment they met and every time since. But resemblance and substitution are not the same.

In the beginning, her resemblance to Aska had shaken him, pulling at the guilt he carried. But at some point, he had stopped seeing her as a mere connection to Aska. She had become Ariel Elias in her own right.

I’m sorry for causing you to lose your father… for failing to protect your brother… for not telling you what you want to know…

These were the thoughts that came to him whenever he saw her.

And those had nothing to do with guilt toward Aska, did they?

When did it change? When did I start feeling this way?

The sudden realization left him shaken.

The two of them, having chatted over dinner and walked for a while, parted ways at the train station. Jin, instinctively about to follow Ariel, was briefly stopped by Karma Fereshte.

“Just a moment.”

He couldn’t remember what they talked about. He had probably just said whatever came to mind. His attention had been consumed by Ariel’s retreating figure and the murky, unidentifiable emotions welling up inside him. He didn’t have a single shred of focus left to spare for Karma.

If anything, he recalled feeling annoyed. He had been following Ariel, but because Karma stopped him, he lost sight of her. Perhaps that’s why the only thing he remembered clearly was the look of shock on Karma’s face as he left.

* * * 

About a week later, Ariel’s second deployment was scheduled. The destination was Astica, a city in the far north of Dantella’s eastern continent. The mission: search and destroy gremlins.

It wasn’t a dangerous assignment, just a bit cold. Among military operations, it was considered one of the safer ones. Even so, Jin found himself unable to do anything. He couldn’t stop thinking about her.

Ariel disliked meeting him in private. Given her position, it was only natural for her to feel conflicted. He didn’t blame her for that. That was precisely why the only place he could watch over her without guilt was in an official capacity. And that meant the front lines.

So Jin once again visited Michelle. She had been appointed commander of the Astica operation.

“You want to switch assignments with me?”

Michelle pointed at herself and asked. Coincidentally, Jin had another assignment on the same day, which was why he made the proposal. He nodded.

“No. That would be a waste of resources.”

“…”

“You’re far more suited to combat than I am, and I’m far more suited to reconnaissance. Even if it’s you, I can’t accept such an inefficient proposal.”

“You think I’m incapable of reconnaissance?”

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never seen you try. Even if you’re fine, I’m not confident I can handle combat as well as you can.”

“…”

Unlike last time, Michelle’s answer was a firm refusal.

“I understand.”

Anxiety crept in again, but Jin accepted her decision without argument. She was right on every point. He had no grounds to rebut. He had let his emotions get the better of him and made an unreasonable request, so this outcome was inevitable.

So he chose another method: finish his own assignment quickly and check on her afterward. With warp magic, that wouldn’t be too hard. 

But the anxiety that filled the meantime was unavoidable. The skies turned gray again. When she returned safely, and he could finally breathe again, they cleared. 

Then came a new disturbance. It started with something Michelle Frey said after spotting him hiding.

“…Do you really like her that much?”

Do I like her?

Her, that much?

‘Ah.’

So that’s what this was?

Were all the emotions I felt when he wasn’t projecting Aska onto her… born from that?

He’d never been in love with anyone before. Would it be clearer if he looked at her now?

I missed her.

The impulse to go to her overwhelmed him. He didn’t think about the consequences, or what she might feel. He just went.

Ariel was still cold toward him. She couldn’t even accept his concern. She seemed uncomfortable even with small talk.

“Before you ask how I’m doing… isn’t there something else you should be saying to me first?”

She was demanding the truth. If he wanted to get close to her, he had to push through this. 

No, he’d known this all along.

What he didn’t know was why he couldn’t say it. Why every time he tried, his throat closed up and his chest tightened.

[“Do you really like her that much?”]

That voice echoed in his mind. He didn’t know why, but somehow it felt like the answer to the question that had plagued him. Slowly, Jin opened his mouth.

“I think… more than I realized.”

I like you.

The moment he tried to say it, something surged up from within and choked his voice.

“I… think I like you.”

There was a flicker of emotion in her eyes, but it didn’t last. Soon, she replied in a puzzled tone.

“I don’t understand why you’re telling me this right now. It doesn’t seem like the thing you ought to be saying to me.”

Jin was forced to think again. He had spoken because it felt like the right answer, but in truth, it lacked context. He thought aloud as he tried to explain.

“Because… I like you. That’s why I can’t tell you the truth.”

“I don’t follow.”

“I mean… if you knew everything…”

The truth hit him as he said it.

“If you knew… you would come to hate me.”

He was afraid that the person he cared for would despise him once she knew the truth.

Yes, that was it.

He missed her, but feared her gaze. Jin looked away. His realization may have come late, but his body reacted immediately. A rush of heat surged up his throat.

“If it means you won’t hate me, then I’d rather things stayed like this…”

“If I promised not to blame you, even after hearing the truth…”

Even knowing everything… she wouldn’t resent me?

That dreamlike promise made his head snap up. He saw her flinch.

“…Would you tell me?”

Her red eyes had cleared. It was the most vulnerable he had ever seen her. It was as if he could hear her whisper: Trust me.

……

T/N: Jin is just too innocent, aww~