Chapter 29: Quagmire (4)
Chapter 29: Quagmire (4)
“…It seemed better to keep this distance between us than to have you hate me…”
The words slipped out before he could filter them, sounding more like an unconscious thought than something he’d meant to say aloud.
A pure, unfiltered honesty. The ripple it caused reached them both.
It was only after he spoke that Jin seemed to realize what he had said. He froze like a machine suddenly out of order. The words, more like a confession than a confession itself, landed directly on Ariel’s heart.
Thump. Thump.
Her heartbeat rang in her ears and reverberated up to her head.
She’d sensed more than once that Jin was carrying guilt toward her, but she never imagined this was the reason he was withholding the truth.
So that’s what it was? If that’s the case…
As if bewitched, Ariel opened her mouth without thinking.
“…What if I said I wouldn’t resent you even after hearing the truth?”
She stopped herself, blinking back to awareness. Jin’s eyes, sharp with pain, were now fully on her. She flinched slightly.
But only for a moment. Ariel added the rest of her sentence to finish what she started.
“…Would you tell me then?”
Though the words had spilled out impulsively, there was a certainty to them.
Of course, she couldn’t know the origin of his guilt or fear. But whatever it was, she didn’t believe it would be enough to make her hate him. There was only one thing that could shake her to her core right now.
Aynkel’s death.
But Ariel already knew from Karma’s intelligence that there was no connection between Jin and Aynkel’s death. Given the authority of the source, there was no chance the information was false.
So I’m sure of it. Even if I learn the truth, I’ll never hate you.
Her red eyes, stripped of suspicion or hostility, looked at Jin as if to say so. He blinked at her, as if startled, his golden gaze softening under the spell of her crimson one.
“Because of me, you…”
His dazed lips parted, on the verge of something more.
“…Ah.”
Suddenly, his eyes refocused, and his voice cut off. He pressed his lips together tightly, swallowing the words before they could escape, then sighed deeply and spoke again.
“…No. I can’t be sure.”
The words that finally came out were, in the end, a denial. They sliced clean through the conversation like a blade.
“…I’m sorry.”
The defeated voice that followed sealed the moment completely.
The atmosphere, which had seemed ready to soften and bloom, froze in an instant as if doused in cold water. Just as Ariel’s heart had been about to open, the latch on its window snapped shut again.
Ah. So, in the end…
The unease she’d felt from the start was now reinforced by the distrust Jin had shown. Another bolt added to the lock on her heart, making it all the more secure.
Her eyes returned to their cool, guarded glint. Her tone, chilled by a fresh layer of composure, came out sharper.
“Then, as I’ve said before, I don’t think you and I are in the sort of relationship where we exchange casual pleasantries.”
“…”
“I hope you’ll remember this. That I only accepted this kind of personal conversation with you because I believed I had a reason for why you’re acting this way.”
Jin’s gaze dropped again. His lips tightened, unmoving.
“If we ever end up facing each other again like this… I hope that’s the day you give me that answer. If not, then we’re nothing to each other, and continuing to cross paths like this, drawing unnecessary attention, isn’t something I welcome.”
His expression wasn’t dramatic, but there was a quiet sorrow clinging to it. Ariel’s attention lingered on the turmoil beneath his faint expression.
It made her chest ache. It made her waver. But…
“I’ll be going now.”
She wanted to cut it off. This murky, unresolved relationship was worse than nothing. That thought alone remained, loud and clear.
Ariel offered him a respectful, measured bow befitting a subordinate addressing a distant superior. Then, without hesitation, she turned and walked away, almost fleeing back to her quarters.
Her steps, laced with confusion, were unsteady.
* * *
The moment she entered her room, Flame flew out of her arms like it had been trying to escape, letting out a dramatic groan as it flopped onto her bedding.
[Ughhh, I’m dizzy… Are you okay? Huh?]
After exchanging brief greetings with her roommates, Ariel responded as she rifled through her closet for clothes to change into.
“…Huh? Oh, yeah. I’m fine.”
She’d meant to say she was mostly fine, but the words cut off.
Am I really okay?
The thought hit her unexpectedly. As if on cue, her heart began to pound.
The image of that pale man, his wavering expression, his calm voice as he confessed, played again before her eyes like a rewound film.
Only now, long after the moment, did the feelings she hadn’t fully registered come rushing back.
A warm flush spread across her face like watercolor bleeding through paper. From her fingertips to her toes, a faint buzz tingled through her like static.
Is this really okay…?
She looked down at her hand, the source of the tingling sensation, and curled her fingers. Her expression clouded, her voice soft and uncertain.
“…Yeah. I’m fine.”
[Wow, you’re incredible!]
Though her tone clearly said otherwise, Flame accepted it without question. He wasn’t sensitive enough to catch such subtle shifts unless they hit him in the face.
[Humans are so weird. How are you not freaking out right now?]
“I dunno. Maybe because I am fine? Doesn’t matter either way… I’m gonna go shower.”
Though the unease lingered, she didn’t feel bad. But even that ambiguity wasn’t exactly welcome. Half on purpose, Ariel cut the topic short. Then she moved with practiced ease.
On the surface, she seemed unbothered. Inside, she was a storm of tangled emotions. Fleeing to the bathroom, she stood under the warm spray of the shower, letting the water carry her feelings away.
Now’s not the time to be feeling this way.
It wasn’t easy to shake, but she stayed there until it finally began to wash off.
* * *
After her shower, body and mind cleansed, Ariel returned to the dorm and headed straight for bed. The physical exhaustion from the sortie, and the far deeper fatigue caused by Jin, sent her into a heavy sleep.
By the time she woke again, it was already late afternoon.
“…It’s raining.”
Still groggy, Ariel sat up in bed and murmured as she stared out the window at the blurred scene beyond the falling rain. It had seemed clear after their mission, but she had no way of knowing when it had turned cloudy again while she slept.
Flame, still in the same spot he’d been since their return, spoke up.
[Why? Do you need to go outside?]
“I was thinking of going for a workout.”
[You should probably rest on sortie days.]
Rayner’s voice echoed faintly in her mind. Ariel’s gaze flicked toward her locker. It was firmly shut.
“…It wasn’t as bad as I expected. Just cold. And it’s better not to skip workouts if I can. I want to at least do a little.”
[Why are you working out so hard anyway?]
“…I think I need to build up some stamina.”
The real reason was to clear her head, but the words she’d said weren’t a lie, either.
She rubbed her eyes, recalling her first sortie, how she’d burned through her magic and ended up completely drained. That kind of physical exhaustion was rare for magic users in everyday life.
Until recently, Ariel had lived a perfectly ordinary life. She’d never imagined magic use could push her into a state of near-collapse. But she’d experienced it the moment she joined the military. It was a major flaw she had to correct.
“If I lose control of my emotions and collapse during battle, that’s it. And I’m still not confident I can control them. So at the very least… I don’t want to fall apart. I might not mistake ally for enemy, but if I can just keep my body in check…”
[Wow, you’re surprisingly level-headed.]
“…What?”
[I thought you were all emotion. But you’re way more rational than I expected.]
“…”
Flame chirped in his usual upbeat tone, but Ariel wasn’t sure if it was praise or something else. She repeated what she’d just said to herself.
“…It sounded a little dramatic when I said it all out loud, but still, in the end…”
Her gaze returned to the rain outside. The downpour showed no sign of letting up. She shook her head and turned away from the window. Picking up Flame, she shuffled over to her locker.
“…Doesn’t look like it’s clearing up anytime soon. I guess I won’t be going out today.”
She opened the locker, put Flame inside, and pulled out the file Karma had given her.
[Huh? What? Why me?]
“Huh? I’m going to study. Rain or shine, I can still do that. Might as well do what I can do. Let’s have a good session today too.”
[Ahh, alright, alright!]
And just like that, the day of Ariel’s second sortie ended, not without its chaos, but safely enough.
* * *
In the military, people were injured frequently. A smaller number died. Every so often, their absence would be filled by someone new.
Time passed on its own terms. On busy days, filled with deployments and training, the hours flew by without a moment to think. On idle days, when there was nothing to do, the sluggish hours had to be killed somehow.
So, around two weeks after her second sortie, Ariel faced her fourth mission, her second against giants. This time, she was partnered with Rayner once more.
And that’s when her team first encountered a group of giants… that used magic.
