Chapter 18: Questions (5)
Chapter 18: Questions (5)
Ariel held her breath, feeling as if her chest was being constricted, suffocating her. Though her facial muscles remained frozen in place, the heat in her eyes steadily intensified. Moisture gathered until, finally, thick droplets spilled down her cheeks.
A life that had been barren and desolate, leaving nothing but ruin. To live like a person despite such a foundation, she needed a purpose. And the only thing she could cling to, the sole thing that gave her direction, was entering this place. Yet now, she was being told, so easily, as if it were nothing, to give up on that resolve.
Emotion, having utterly corroded her reason, made her forget who she was standing before. Ariel exhaled sharply in disbelief and opened her mouth.
“Live in peace?”
Her voice, choked with sobs, trembled so violently it was almost unbearable to hear.
Perhaps sensing something ominous, Jin hastily lowered his head. Until now, his gaze had been fixed on the ceiling, and he hadn’t noticed the shift in her expression. Only when he finally faced her did he see Ariel, her tears falling like an unstoppable flood. A low sigh escaped his lips.
Her crimson eyes, filled with moisture, trembled as they met his directly. Yet despite the wet sheen, they were cold as ice, sharp as a blade. Though her face was drenched with tears, there was no sign of distortion, just a chilling stillness, frozen solid.
Jin’s eyes widened in shock. He took a deep breath, his body shuddering slightly as he took a step forward, reaching out a hand toward her.
Ariel turned her head away, harshly rejecting his touch. His hand, deprived of its destination, hovered in midair before faltering, his fingers twitching slightly before dropping helplessly to his side.
After brushing off his touch, Ariel’s sharp voice rang out again, brimming with undisguised displeasure.
“Live in peace? What does living in peace even matter when I don’t even want to live?”
At her words, Jin seemed to realize something. He froze, his breath catching in his throat.
Jin’s eyes, clouded as if on the verge of tears, trembled. His lips parted slightly, as if about to speak, but all they did was quiver faintly. No words came out.
Had Ariel retained even a sliver of reason, she would have found his shaken demeanor strange, especially in light of what Michelle had said just before she arrived here. But she was wholly consumed by the raging storm of her emotions. To her, Jin’s expression was nothing short of absurd.
You’re the one who dug into my wounds so carelessly. So why do you look like that?
“What do you even know about me, my Lord? Do you really think you have the right to say such things to me? Even if there’s something I don’t know, do you really believe that just saying things without understanding what brought me here is enough?”
“I…”
“Live in peace, comfortably. Sure. With the money you sponsor me with, I could live a life of ease, never working a day. But is comfort just about the body? Did I look like I was struggling because I had no money?”
“No, that’s not—”
“Do you even realize how ridiculous you’re being right now? Who are you to keep telling me what to do? You won’t even tell me your reasons, yet you use your position to summon me and claim to be concerned? Did you really think I’d be grateful, that I’d listen just because you said you were worried about me?”
“…”
Ariel, having shot out her words like rapid-fire, clamped her mouth shut and glared at him. Jin, seemingly at a loss for words, pressed his lips together tightly.
A heavy silence fell, as if time itself had stopped. The only movement was Ariel’s unending tears, proving that time had not truly halted.
Jin took in her small face, his brows furrowing slightly. With a deep exhale, he finally forced himself to speak.
“…I’m sorry. I was thoughtless. Please… don’t cry.”
Each word was strained, broken apart as if barely held together. Once again, he reached out to her, but just like before, his hand never met her face. Ariel coldly swatted it away.
“Someone who never cares about others. There must be a reason you’re acting this way toward me. There’s something between us, isn’t there? Ah, and don’t try to tell me you had a connection with my younger sibling. I won’t fall for that lie.”
“…”
Jin cast a brief glance at his rejected hand before retracting it, shifting his gaze back to her. His face twisted slightly, as if grappling with something, and after a long silence, he let out a heavy breath, as if making a great decision.
“I…”
But the words never came. His sentence broke off before it even began. His lips moved, over and over, as if struggling to form words, but no sound followed.
After several failed attempts, Jin finally squeezed his eyes shut before reopening them. He lowered his head, pressing a hand to his face, shaking it slightly with a sigh.
“No… I don’t know. I just don’t know…”
“…”
She couldn’t understand his emotions. But more importantly…
Ariel’s gaze grew even colder. The corners of her lips curled upward, and a dry chuckle escaped through clenched teeth.
“If this isn’t a command from my superior, then I have no reason to heed your words. So I’ll pretend I never heard them.”
“…”
“Was that all you wanted to say?”
“…Yes…”
“Then, I no longer see you as my superior.”
The smile that had lingered on her lips disappeared.
“May I take my leave now?”
Her voice and gaze were colder than a bitter winter wind. Jin stood frozen, staring blankly at her as if he had broken down like a malfunctioning machine.
The mask-like expression, streaked with tears, was reflected in his wavering eyes. His lips trembled as if trying to hold something back.
His gaze, so utterly fixated on her, sent a jolt through Ariel’s mind. And in that instant, she became painfully aware of how pitiful she must look, reflected in his eyes.
‘Ah.’
Embarrassment struck her like a wave. She quickly lowered her head, avoiding his gaze.
Yet her sorrow had not subsided. Her tears continued to fall, dripping onto the ground.
A deep sigh echoed from above her. And then, beneath her downcast gaze, a large hand suddenly appeared. A book landed upon it.
His voice followed.
“Then… at least take this.”
Ariel remained still, hesitant. What was he trying to do now? When she gave no reaction, an awkward silence settled between them.
After a moment, Jin spoke again.
“It’s an offensive magic book. I heard you own a copy of Phema and Ekaitz’s grimoires, but… this one is practical for this place. You never know what might happen, so it wouldn’t hurt to have an extra high-level tome…”
His voice gradually faded, dwindling into nothingness. It was painfully clear that he was carefully gauging her reaction, so much so that even without looking at him, Ariel could understand the meaning behind his silence.
She held her tongue a moment longer. Ever since she had cast her gaze downward, her reason had been steadily regaining its hold. Even her tears had begun to subside. Though her eyes were fixed on the book in his hand, she was not truly seeing it.
The very possibility she had been avoiding now loomed ever clearer in her mind. Ariel found herself ensnared by a different thought, one that had lodged itself deep within her.
‘Could he really be connected to Aynkel’s death?’
Was there some link between him and Aynkel’s passing? If so… then—
The fact that he had visited Aynkel’s grave, the inexplicable financial support he had begun offering after Aynkel’s death, the way he was now pouring so much attention into someone he had no prior connection with. If all of this was rooted in guilt, then everything made sense.
She had entertained the notion before, however faintly. She had dismissed it as an unfounded delusion and buried it deep within her mind. Yet, every time she faced him, the thought grew stronger, forcing itself back into her consciousness.
‘No… Could it be? Was that the truth all along?’
Her thoughts unraveled no further. The moment she felt a surge of blood rushing up from her toes, her entire body tensed.
Then, she felt it.
A large, warm hand, firm yet gentle, cupped her damp cheek.
“Please… even if you are angry with me, won’t you accept this?”
His voice reached her ears – soft, pleading, filled with sorrow. She hadn’t noticed him approaching, hadn’t reacted in time to push him away. His touch was careful as he wiped the lingering moisture from her skin.
It was a shockingly tender gesture.
So much so that, for the briefest of moments, it made her forget the flare of anger that had surged within her.
“I was careless with my words… I truly regret it. I didn’t mean to belittle your resolve. I swear it.”
Startled by his touch, Ariel’s head snapped up. Through tear-dimmed eyes, his face came into view, blurred and wavering. Jin’s voice faltered, cutting off abruptly. He flinched slightly, then froze.
With an icy expression, Ariel removed his hand from her face, her voice cold and unwavering.
“Go on. Finish what you were saying.”
Her face was devoid of warmth, an impenetrable wall of ice.
Jin hesitated, his hand retreating slowly into the empty air. For a moment, he seemed to waver, then he averted his gaze and forced himself to continue.
“…I only wanted you to be safe. I never meant to make you cry. I won’t tell you to leave this place again. So, please…”
He pushed the book toward her once more. Caught off guard, Ariel instinctively accepted it.
“At least take this. It’s a well-organized guide to offensive magic, categorized by mana consumption. You’ll be able to find and learn the spells you need quickly. Please… I just don’t want you to be in danger.”
Could a man who had no connection to Aynkel’s death possibly act this way?
Ariel’s mind arrived at its own verdict.
He wouldn’t answer even if she asked. So, there was only one conclusion to reach.
Resentment toward him began to take root.
……
(T/N: What is this begging behavior, oh my Lord? I was shook 😦)
