Chapter 70
Chapter 70
The thing I paid the most attention to when heading to Luwin was Cassis.
More precisely, it was changing Cassis.
The underlying depression in Cassis was apparent just by looking at him.
No matter how much he pretended to be fine, eating meals, exercising, and working, I just knew.
Probably everyone working in Orsha Palace would know.
That Cassis was pushed to the extreme, and just enduring was the best he could do.
I had vaguely guessed it when we met in Seike, but I could truly feel the seriousness of it in the North.
Watching him made me more anxious.
Because he was smiling and pretending to be okay with a face that showed no trace of ease.
‘But the problem was that this wasn’t just for a day or two.’
Cassis had been in such a precarious state for too long.
It seems he endured for a long time with depression underlying everything, solely out of a sense of duty to protect Luwin.
If he had just said he was struggling and wanted to die, I could have known sooner.
If he himself had been aware of his condition, it would have been easier.
‘Cassis doesn’t know he’s like this.’
If I said, “You’re having a really hard time and you’re not okay right now,” he would probably deny it.
He would probably get angry or be discouraged, asking why I would say such things when he’s working so hard every day.
And Cassis would have to face the fact that he’s not okay in the worst state.
[When you’re too diligent, that can happen.]
[Like you once were.]
‘I wasn’t like that. I knew better than anyone that my condition wasn’t good!’
[Sure, sure, you must have~]
Feeling a bit stung, I internally shouted ‘What do you know, God!’ once and then focused back on Cassis.
Cassis was waiting for me to continue speaking.
I didn’t speak and just met his gaze quietly.
How does the Cassis I first met in Seike compare to him now?
His stiff expression has relaxed much more, and he seems to smile a bit more often than before. Not smiling because he has to, but more smiles that flow naturally in everyday life.
There are more nights when he falls asleep on the couch, exhausted, rather than spending sleepless nights looking at meaningless documents at his desk.
When I offer cookies, there are more days when he willingly accepts them rather than refusing…
“Irina?”
Cassis carefully called my name after waiting for me, who was just quietly looking at him.
Even such behavior was different from before.
I pulled up the corners of my mouth and smiled.
Unlike the hot party venue, the cool night air has the effect of refreshing one’s mood.
Along with that, the soft lighting and beautiful garden create a strange atmosphere.
Borrowing the power of the atmosphere, I asked something I would never ask normally.
“How are you these days?”
“These days?”
“Are you a bit better?”
“…I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”
Yes, someone who doesn’t know what state they’re in can’t even grasp the intention of such a question.
It’s a completely different issue from how sensible or quick-witted they are.
‘How should I approach this?’
After pondering for a moment, I decided to ask in a more roundabout way.
“Is there anything you want to eat these days?”
“Well… something I want to eat these days…”
“If you tell me, I’ll let Apple know.”
Cassis seemed to ponder for a moment.
Even though I just asked what he wanted to eat, his serious contemplation with his hand on his chin made him look like a hero pondering before a life-or-death crisis on the battlefield.
With that solemn and majestic spirit, he said:
“Freshly baked bread.”
“Bread?”
“No, not just bread, but freshly baked bread. I want to eat that.”
That’s more modest than I expected.
Don’t we eat freshly baked bread every day?
Could it be that Apple has been discriminating against Cassis while I’ve been selling ice cream?
While I was having all these thoughts, he spoke again.
“Freshly baked scones would be good too. If possible, I’d like to eat them with Seike’s grape jam on top.”
“Ah…”
“Or slightly dirt-covered Sherif fruits would be nice, or Sing Remelo wine from 880 would be good too.”
I stared at him blankly without answering.
Seeing my expression, Cassis let out a low laugh.
<You’re thinking of bread just out of the oven, right? Warm, soft, and when you split it in half, fluffy bread comes out, with white steam crossing the air.>
The ‘freshly baked bread’ would be the bread he bought from a small bakery in the North where snow was piled high, and ate on a cold winter street.
<Actually, you should eat them cooled, but freshly baked scones are delicious too.>
<The smell is really nice.>
<The combination of freshly baked scones and grape jam produced in Seike is really the best.>
The scones he said he wanted to eat with Seike’s grape jam on top would be one of the things I fed him when we first met in Seike, dragging him around.
<Is it delicious?>
<Yes. I can see why the imperial people praise southern crops.>
The dirt-covered Sherif fruit would be the fruit I picked up from the street, roughly wiped, and handed to him.
At that time, he seemed surprised by the dirt-covered fruit, but in the end, he couldn’t refuse my sincerity and ate it.
I felt like emotions were welling up from deep inside me at Cassis, who had listed his memories with me in response to the question of what he wanted to eat.
If someone nudged me in this state, I might cry.
The things I did in his memory were by no means small or trivial.
The things I had given and fed him with no particular thought, just hoping he would enjoy them even for a moment, had left quite a big impression on him, and it made me feel strange…
“It was the first time in my life I ate fruit with dirt on it.”
“I wouldn’t have even looked at such things before going bankrupt.”
You think you’re the only noble? I was a noble too.
Cassis laughed at my response.
“But it was also the first time I ate bread on the street, and drank scones and wine in an old, shabby warehouse.”
“…”
He looked at me quietly and said.
“I don’t dislike these things.”
At his calm tone, I opened my mouth to say something, then closed it again.
It seemed that my efforts to constantly feed Cassis something, take him around, and feed him again hadn’t been in vain.
‘I’m quite moved, you know.’
[After living so diligently, he appreciated it.]
[You must be very touched.]
[I feel proud.]
Afraid I might burst into tears in this good atmosphere, I tightly closed my mouth and even pulled down the corners of my lips for no reason.
And I stared up at Cassis.
But it must have been obvious, as Cassis suddenly looked a bit flustered.
“Why are you trying to cry all of a sudden?”
“Hng, I’m trying to hold back from crying right now, so don’t say anything.”
If I could, I’d like to burst into tears with a ‘Bwaaaaah’, regardless of makeup, dress, or party venue.
Cassis faithfully closed his mouth at my words.
He was looking down at me calmly, but his gaze was also gentle.
“Lord Cassis, don’t look at me, look at the fountain over there, way over there.”
“Okay, I understand.”
“And it’s a bit awkward when you don’t say anything.”
“Alright, I’ll try saying something.”
This is why I like quick-witted people.
I tried to take deep breaths to compose myself and calm down while desperately pulling myself together.
But from beside me, he started to say things that were of no help at all to my calming down.
“I was worried.”
Cassis was faithfully looking at a spot in the garden as I had told him to.
“You told me I needed to change.”
I always thought that.
That for Luwin to succeed, Cassis had to change.
That only then would there be a next.
<Culture flows from top to bottom.>
<If you don’t change, nothing will change.>
<I will change Your Grace.>
But these days, I’m not sure about Luwin, I just think I want him to change for Cassis’s own happiness.
Has Cassis become happier compared to the beginning?
Has he become more willing to live?
“That’s right. I need to change. For Luwin’s revival, rather than someone who is so lethargic and depressed, endlessly sinking to the bottom.”
He paused and called a servant passing by the terrace.
He picked up two glasses of wine and handed one to me.
After taking a sip, he smiled and said, ‘It’s not as good as the Sing Remelo 880 wine from Seike Plains.’
“Someone who is always positive and doesn’t get discouraged easily, like Irina, would be more suitable.”
I immediately stood up.
“That’s not it!”
That’s not it.
Everyone is bound to be different.
Just as I don’t get swayed by others’ words and don’t care, someone else might listen to others’ words and care about them.
This isn’t about who’s right or wrong, it’s just different.
“Wanting you to have many things you want to do rather than being lethargic isn’t for Luwin’s sake.”
If we have to live anyway.
If in the end, we have to breathe and keep our feet on this earth because we can’t die.
Then isn’t it better to have even a little expectation for tomorrow?
“I want you to be happy, Mr. Cassis.”
If he wasn’t happy, I wanted to create things that would make him happy.
Even if it was something very small and trivial, I wanted him to have even a little expectation for tomorrow.
“I wish you wouldn’t be in pain every time you open your eyes in the morning, and wouldn’t worry every time you close your eyes at night.”
Cassis looked at me quietly.
His red eyes, as I always think, are like wine made from grapes on a midsummer day with intense sun.
With a rich flavor, and a bit dry.
The kind that makes you think of the South, of Seike, when you take a sip.
“Is that so.”
“Yes.”
“But even if I feel this way, hitting rock bottom and not wanting to do anything. I’m still the Grand Duke of Luwin. I will probably do my best for those living in this land until the moment my life ends.”
That’s not a bad thing.
“But there are days when you can’t do that.”
I tried not to cry, but seeing how hot my eyes are and how blurry my vision is, it seems I failed.
“There will definitely be days when you want to run away.”
Giving up on not crying, I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.
Cassis, who had been looking at the distant garden, was now quietly looking at me.
