Chapter 74
Raylenne found herself tilting dangerously over the stone steps, unable to do anything. In that fleeting moment, she flailed her hands in the air, but nothing came within her grasp. All that awaited her below were the steep stone steps she had climbed so eagerly. It felt as if the stone steps, like the maw of hell, were beckoning her down. Raylenne tightly closed her eyes.
With a sense of floating, her body collided against the stone steps. The chilling sound of her fall echoed through the park, each thud resounding ominously.
People around knew without looking that whoever had fallen could not be unharmed. Raylenne hit the ground, but she couldn’t open her eyes. She was scared, terrified of what might have happened to her body. Yet, she felt no pain, which confused her. Was it because she had been hit so hard that she couldn’t even register the pain?
Tentatively, Raylenne bit her lip and slowly opened her eyes. The sight of her mother, Nadia, lying on the ground reflected in her clear blue eyes.
“Mother?” she whispered, seeing red blood streaming down Nadia’s pale face. The blood trickled down, quickly soaking the ground beneath her. Raylenne realized why she was unhurt; her mother had embraced her as they fell, shielding her completely, just as she had once sheltered Raylenne in her womb.
As the truth dawned on her, Raylenne’s lips trembled. People gathered around them like thick clouds, their murmurs sounding like tinnitus in Raylenne’s ears.
“Oh no… She got hurt trying to save the child.”
“She’s lost so much blood… She might die soon.”
“Call a doctor, quickly!”
At that moment, Caverion rushed over from a distance. He looked back and forth between his mother, who had her eyes closed, and his trembling sister.
“What… what happened?” he stammered.
Raylenne looked up at Caverion, her voice shaking. “M-mother… she held me… and we fell down the stairs…”
“I told you to be careful!” Caverion’s voice was harsh, but Raylenne, overwhelmed, couldn’t fully process his words. The rescuers arrived and placed Nadia, looking like a lifeless body, on a stretcher. Caverion turned to the stunned Raylenne.
“You go back with the maids. I’ll go with mother to the doctor.”
As Caverion and Nadia were taken away, Raylenne sat alone on the ground. She stared at the red bloodstain, vivid as a blazing fire pit, and blinked uneasily. Tears welled up and began to spill over.
“Hic… It’s… it’s my fault…” Raylenne sobbed, clutching her head. She cried for a while, feeling the world spin around her. People gathered around the young girl, noticing her distress.
“Are you okay?” someone asked, shaking her gently.
“Get a hold of yourself!” another voice urged.
Raylenne struggled to open her eyes, surrounded by concerned faces. She felt their gazes pierce her, as if they were accusing her.
“You hurt your mother. It’s all your fault,” their eyes seemed to say. Unable to bear the accusatory looks, Raylenne’s vision blurred, and she closed her eyes again.
Finally, with a small thud, Raylenne collapsed, her small head hitting the ground as she lost consciousness.
* * *
Raylenne took a deep breath as the whirlwind of memories overwhelmed her. Cold sweat trickled down her forehead.
“Raylenne, are you alright? You don’t look well,” Caverion asked, concerned.
“…”
Raylenne couldn’t bring herself to say she was okay. The impact of the memory was too great. It was incomparable to the accident involving Belle. She realized the significance of this memory; it was the event that had shattered her life.
“I’m sorry if my words upset you. I was just worried that you might still be tormented by guilt over that day,” Caverion said gently. Raylenne, still trying to steady herself, spoke hesitantly.
“…Do you really believe that mother’s death wasn’t my fault?”
Having revisited the memory, Raylenne was genuinely curious if Caverion believed his words or if he was just trying to comfort her. If she could speak calmly with Caverion, perhaps the original Raylenne would have asked the same question.
“Yes, I was very angry with you after it happened. Mother was unwell, but she decided to go out for your sake. I warned you to be careful, and you weren’t,” Caverion admitted, looking down with his hands clasped.
“But you were young then, and so was I. It wasn’t strange for you to be excited at that age, missing mother’s embrace, and I was too young to fully understand that.”
Caverion’s words resonated deeply with Raylenne. Despite being an outsider who had entered Raylenne’s body, she felt deeply moved by the complex and sorrowful emotions tied to this family.
“Moreover… an accident is just an accident. No one intended for it to happen. Even if it was caused by your actions, saving you was mother’s choice.”
“Caverion…”
Raylenne felt a lump in her throat, unable to speak. The sight of Caverion, who had endured such deep wounds and yet had found a way to rise above them, was overwhelming. She felt as if the reason he had survived such trials was somehow connected to her.
“And you have already paid a high price. After that day, you locked yourself away in the castle, refusing to see anyone.”
Raylenne recalled the last remnants of that memory. The sharp, accusing stares of those around her, as if everyone blamed her for her mother’s injuries. She remembered feeling faint and losing consciousness as the voices around her blurred and faded.
‘So, that’s why I developed a fear of people,’ she thought. The memory of the accident was like a blade that had cut deeply into the fabric of a once-happy family. It took time for Caverion to be able to speak so calmly about it.
“And Raylenne, I didn’t come here today because I was sad.”
“…Then why?”
“I’m here to finally let go of the mother who still lives in my heart. I’ve spent my life missing someone who’s gone, but now, I want to put it behind me,” Caverion said, looking up. His blue eyes shone softly through his damp hair.
“Now, I want to live for the living.”
Raylenne couldn’t say anything. She was overwhelmed by the resilience of Caverion, who had risen above his deep scars, and felt that he had done so, at least in part, for her sake. A lump formed in her throat, making it hard to speak.
* * *
Tap, tap. Though it wasn’t as heavy as before, the rain continued to fall. Raylenne, having returned to her room, needed some time to calm her swirling emotions. She sat with her chin propped up on her hand, staring blankly at the table, replaying the memory she had recalled earlier.
‘So, Mother died trying to save me,’ she thought. The pieces of the puzzle finally seemed to fit together. The cryptic remarks Macphin had made at the tea party, Caverion’s apparent dislike for her, and Raylenne’s own social anxiety—all of it traced back to this incident.
This event had been the catalyst for everything. Since then, Raylenne had been trapped in the delusion that everyone blamed her, unable to step outside the castle walls. It had even caused friction with the Duke of Ergen. This friction gradually affected her relationship with Caverion as well. The guilt Raylenne felt over her mother’s death had slowly transformed into resentment toward her family, who she believed did not understand her. She was filled with negative emotions, and her family began to treat her as if she didn’t exist.
Perhaps, Raylenne wondered, she had tormented the maids to make her presence known in a castle where she felt invisible. The weight of these realizations settled heavily on her. Raylenne wasn’t excusing her past actions of bullying the servants, but she couldn’t help but feel a deep sorrow for her tragic past.
‘As I think about it…’ Raylenne mused, recalling how much Nadia had resembled her as she lay on the bed. Even Caverion had been startled, momentarily thinking their mother had reappeared when Raylenne entered the shrine. In hindsight, his face had looked as if he had seen a ghost.
Raylenne and Nadia did look remarkably alike. The resemblance was even more striking because of the way Nadia had appeared lying in bed, with her pale face, much like Raylenne’s when she had been weakened by her addiction to the Sana grass.
‘It seems she wasn’t originally a frail person…’ Raylenne thought, recalling a memory of a healthier, rosy-cheeked Nadia. Had she been ill? As Raylenne pondered this, a realization struck her.
‘Come to think of it…’ The patterns of sickness between herself and Nadia seemed strangely similar. Both had been bedridden, weakened, and had suddenly fallen ill after appearing healthy. This subtle similarity left Raylenne with an unsettling feeling. Could it be that the person who had tried to harm her had done the same to Nadia?
A chill ran down her spine at the thought. But she quickly shook her head.
‘No… that’s just baseless speculation.’
Nadia’s poor health was undeniable, but the ultimate cause of her death was the accident on the stairs. Raylenne decided she could ask Caverion about Nadia’s health if she felt it was important. She reasoned that he wouldn’t find it odd if she claimed not to remember Nadia being sick since she was so young at the time.
Wiping the sweat from her palms on her clothes, Raylenne tried to steady her thoughts.
* * *
The next day, Raylenne was greeted by the same gloomy skies. The head maid explained that the continuous rain was due to the monsoon season.
“The young lady knows well, it always rains like this around the anniversary of the madam’s passing,” the head maid said.
“Oh, right… I’ve been so preoccupied, I forgot,” Raylenne replied, feeling a little embarrassed under the head maid’s suspicious gaze.
‘Monsoon season…’ Raylenne thought. In her memories, Raylenne would have been like a hibernating wild animal, not stepping foot out of bed around this time of year. The rain added to the sadness of the day, making everything feel even more melancholic.
Puddles had formed on the floor of the ducal estate, with water pooling in various places. It made sense, given that the rain had not let up since the previous day. Standing by the window, Raylenne’s eyes widened as a thought struck her. She suddenly remembered the place that would be most affected by the rain.
‘The underground prison…!’
