Chapter 9
No sunlight reached the North. To be precise, it was more accurate to say that thick, heavy clouds separated the sky and the earth, blocking out the light.
In the central region of the Empire, it would have been the time for sunset. However, the sky grew darker, far from turning red. Even without sunlight or a statue of the Goddess, Ninia knelt by the window and prayed.
For her, prayer was as natural and habitual as eating and keeping herself presentable.
When she served as a Saint, there was no such thing as personal time. In a busy schedule without a moment to breathe, only prayer was her point of contact with the Goddess and her only refuge where she could be alone.
“…….”
Ninia slowly opened her eyes after praying. The surroundings were as quiet as a prayer room. There was no priest to attend to her, nor an assistant priest to help her dress. There wasn’t even a guard, so Ninia could be alone anytime, even without praying.
‘I thought I’d gotten used to being alone.’
Until the decision was made to send her to the North, Ninia had to be alone. The confinement, with nothing to do, had eaten away at her spirit. Although being here was far better than being confined in the prayer room, a part of her still felt suffocated.
Ninia lowered her clasped hands and looked up at the window. The ash-grey clouds seemed heavy enough to block not only the sun but also the prayers ascending to the Goddess.
“What should I do now?”
It hardly felt real that she had become the Duchess. Moreover, since their encounter during the attack in the forest, she hadn’t even seen a glimpse of her husband’s cloak.
Although she held the second highest position after Saint, she hadn’t been given any duties or responsibilities.
‘Nothing.’
These words hold the power to consume a person, Ninia thought to herself.
She touched the ends of her pale hair. Unlike her beautiful, shining blonde hair, the white tips seemed to have served their purpose.
‘Should I cut them?’
The hope she had held while confined in the tower had withered after meeting Tarahan, now invisible.
Knock, knock.
The sound of an indifferent knock echoed in the room as Ninia was fiddling with her hair. Before she could fully stand, the door opened.
“Ah.”
Strength momentarily left her legs. Ninia, sitting on the floor, met eyes with the maid. The maid was expressionless, but her cold gaze questioned Ninia, as if asking what she was doing.
“I lost my strength for a moment.”
Ninia spoke, as if offering an excuse, and then got up. The maid watched her for a moment, then pushed the tray closer.
“Your meal.”
Watered-down oatmeal, stew, and slightly cooled tea were placed on the table. It would be considered luxurious for wartime, but as a meal for a noble, it was undoubtedly a meager offering.
After setting down the food, the maid placed the medicine beside it. It was the same pill Ninia had swallowed before, the one said to reduce fever.
Although it had been over a week since she arrived at the castle, a slight fever lingered. The doctor, who had examined her once more on a different day, had prescribed three more days’ worth of antipyretics.
Ninia accepted the examination and the prescription calmly. The doctor, with a strange look, left without a word.
Therefore, Ninia didn’t complain about the seemingly humble meal.
When she performed charity work in the name of the Goddess, she tried to minimize her food intake and eat similar food to the poor to empathize with them. Compared to the boiled roots and dry grains she ate to fill her stomach then, the food before her now seemed quite decent.
“Thank you.”
Ninia picked up the utensils and brought the food to her mouth. Due to the weather, farming and cultivation weren’t easy in the North, so vegetables and fruits were precious, and meat was relatively cheaper. The meat in the stew was probably deer, or perhaps a similar kind of reindeer.
The maid, under the guise of attending to her, waited until Ninia finished her meal. However, just as she hadn’t bothered to help her when she collapsed, she remained indifferent now.
Ninia always ate just enough to satisfy her hunger, but mealtimes with the maid always felt long. It was because of the clear hostility directed at her.
When she first encountered the maid, the stinging gaze had been disconcerting. Although she hadn’t shown her surprise, her confusion remained.
‘I didn’t expect to be welcomed.’
But this problem wasn’t limited to the maid before her. The eyes of everyone she encountered, from those who cleaned her bedroom to those in the hallways, were filled with hostility and wariness towards her.
Even among the poor, when she was known as a Saint, many avoided her and showed hostility. However, the underlying emotions in their eyes had been fear and apprehension, born from poverty, war, and debilitating hunger.
With time, after providing food and treatment, many of them would open their hearts and accept her. But this time was different.
“I’ll clear this.”
As Ninia set down her spoon, the maid immediately began stacking the dishes onto the tray. The clattering of the dishes was particularly harsh, making her fingers curl. The chill left by the cold treatment lingered around Ninia even after the maid left with the tray.
‘Cold.’
Left alone, Ninia felt the chill permeating the room and huddled. The large warming pan used to heat the room was diligently emitting heat, so perhaps the coldness she felt wasn’t due to the temperature.
Did the priests’ coldness hurt this much?
No. Rather, she had considered their cold indifference natural. While she could overlook the coldness of those who served the same Goddess within the church, why did the gazes of these strangers feel like sharp thorns piercing her?
‘Being alone is harder than I thought.’
Was it because she didn’t know the reason for their hostility? Or was it because she hadn’t yet forgotten her revered past?
But conjecture alone couldn’t explain the reason for her pain.
Ninia rubbed her chest. The tightness and pain didn’t completely disappear, but the chill that lingered despite layers of shawls seemed to lessen slightly.
She reached for the cloth on the nightstand. The only companions Ninia could find solace in were needles, cloth, and colorful threads.
🌻🌻🌻
‘…Mmm.’
She seemed to have fallen asleep while embroidering. Is it night? Because her blurry vision was completely dark, she initially thought so, but strangely, her body felt heavy. As if someone was on top of her.
‘What?’
Her consciousness gradually cleared, and her vision sharpened. Cold, crisp air. She smelled the outdoors from somewhere. Alone in her room, she realized that another presence was close by.
“It would have been boring if you had woken up any later.”
It was a husky voice, like a thick fog pressing down on the night air. A startled Ninia flinched and tried to sit up, but her opponent didn’t budge. The candlelight on the table flickered. Tarahan was looking down at Ninia, his back to the reddish light.
“Wh…why……”
She realized for the first time that extreme surprise could impede speech. Ninia stammered, her voice trembling, but she couldn’t look away.
Tarahan’s red eyes were inherited from his mother’s side, a symbol of the extinct barbarian tribe. It was said that red eyes held a captivating power, and that their bodies, like demonic hybrids, were far from human.
Ninia had heard such rumors before and dismissed them as false. But now, facing him, the rumors had become reality.
“Aren’t you my wife?”
Tarahan, on the contrary, rebuked her. It wasn’t something a husband who hadn’t shown his face for over half a month, let alone held a wedding ceremony, should say. However, Ninia couldn’t immediately understand his blunt words. After a long moment of confusion, her face finally showed understanding.
“……I’m sorry. I didn’t know you’d come looking for me.”
Ninia hadn’t performed her wedding night duties. While the wedding night held significance as a couple, it was, in fact, a duty of the Duchess.
‘I knew that, but…’
She hadn’t realized that this duty applied to her as well. Although she was the Duchess in name, it was just a title, and she hadn’t doubted that Tarahan wouldn’t seek her out.
“You collapsed before I could.”
A large hand gripped the back of Ninia’s neck. Chills ran down her spine. She recalled the attack in the forest. It was a hand capable of snapping a person’s neck with its grip. There was no way she wouldn’t be afraid.
Her mouth kept going dry, and Ninia repeatedly parted her lips. At the words she finally managed to utter, Tarahan’s face crumpled in annoyance.
“I’m sorry.”
“Are you a Duchess or a wind-up doll?”
He expressed his irritation towards Ninia, who kept repeating the same words. But as soon as he finished speaking, she mumbled again, “……Sorry……” He clicked his tongue openly.
“Not a Saint, and your body is useless too.”
His red gaze raked across Ninia fiercely. The hand that had been gripping her neck now cupped her cheek, fixing her gaze.
“What am I supposed to do with you?”
Ninia couldn’t refute a single word. As if finding her pathetic, he followed up with the insult that she wasn’t even worth her price.
Tarahan’s treatment of Ninia was closer to that of an object than a Duchess. A useless object that had lost its value.
Ninia also knew that this wasn’t a normal conversation between husband and wife.
Words of apology formed in her mouth again. Ninia suppressed the repetitive words with effort and opened her dry mouth.
“I’ve never experienced this before… if you give me another chance……”
“If I give you?”
At Tarahan’s question, Ninia bit her lip. Her face and neck, which had been as white as a sheet, now flushed peachy red.
With difficulty, Ninia lowered her gaze and spoke, her voice barely a whisper.
“I’ll try.”
Her voice was like a gentle breeze, out of place in the North. After a moment of silence, Tarahan furrowed his brow and got off of her.
“You’ve ruined my appetite.”
Tarahan left behind those words and turned away. Ninia stared blankly after him, but the slamming door prevented even that.
Late at night, left alone, she couldn’t fall asleep for a long time.
