Chapter 7
As she stiffened noticeably and bowed her head, Theodore spoke.
“There’s no need to be conscious of what just happened. It was only what was necessary.”
That remark was even more embarrassing. Esdel furtively raised her gaze, only to find a calm expression devoid of any heat, which made her flush even more. He was the one who had proposed, so why was it Esdel who was blushing?
Theodore covered Esdel’s body with a thin blanket. The hand that pulled the blanket up to her chest seemed to have no impure intentions.
“Was there any place that was particularly uncomfortable? We will have to be in contact often for the next three days, so it would be good if you told me now.”
“…No… there was nothing like that.”
Theodore looked down quietly at Esdel, who was clutching the blanket as if it were a lifeline. Then he broke into a gentle smile. It seemed he had decided not to press the matter further.
Esdel, at a loss for words, felt a small sense of relief inwardly. Then she began to look around.
The room she was lying in was one she had never seen before. It was too well-furnished for an inn, yet lacked the feeling of being lived in for someone’s personal room. For example, there was a dressing table, but none of the cosmetics on it had their packaging opened.
“Where is this place?”
“It is a house on the outskirts of the Reinhardt domain. I purchased it under my name a while ago, and I have not employed any servants, so you don’t have to worry about any idle rumors spreading.”
“The domain…”
“Two days have already passed since you collapsed. The Count and Countess are safe, and there are no more Consumed left in the domain.”
“Then… No, it’s nothing.”
Esdel, who was about to ask about any additional casualties, quickly shook her head. In any case, she was in a position where she couldn’t move for the next three days. It was better to find out when she could do something, as finding out about things outside now would only trouble her heart.
Esdel, trying to suppress her uneasy feelings, asked.
“There’s something I’m curious about.”
“Speak.”
“The Unknown. By what method is it transmitted?”
Theodore answered smoothly, as if he had expected the question.
“If you come into contact with a Consumed of the Unknown with your bare hands, there is about a fifty percent chance of transmission. Besides that, it is also transmitted at a low probability through the body fluids or blood of the Consumed. Contact with an Awakened is irrelevant.”
Esdel slowly nodded her head.
If that was the case, it was understandable that there had been no cases of transmission among the knights, let alone the investigators, until now. They all worked wearing gloves provided by the domain.
‘But, didn’t he say that the Awakened gain a unique ability?’
Esdel clenched and unclenched her hands. She didn’t feel particularly stronger. It was the same when she focused her eyes or touched her ears.
When Esdel finally looked back, Theodore was staring at her quietly.
“Are you done?”
“…I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t do anything.”
“I see. Understood.”
He nodded seriously and then closed his mouth. Then he lowered his gaze as if it didn’t matter whether Esdel was looking at him or not. At this rate, he seemed determined not to look this way until she called him again.
Esdel hesitated before opening her mouth again.
“Actually, there’s something I’m curious about…”
Theodore turned his head as if he had been waiting. His appearance was somewhat vexing, but she was the one at a disadvantage now. Esdel suppressed the urge to give him a piece of her mind and asked.
“So, if you don’t die while the Unknown is transmitted, you become an Awakened of the Unknown, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then, am I an Awakened too?”
“That is correct.”
“Do I then, also have a special ability… or something like that…?”
The question, which had started off boldly, ended in a trailing voice. Esdel felt her face flush at the words she had spoken herself. It felt like she had become a child hoping for a special ability to appear.
Even worse, since that thought wasn’t entirely wrong, it became more shameful the more she mulled it over.
Whether he knew her thoughts or not, Theodore continued to answer with a blank face.
“That should be the case. Do you not feel anything different? Usually, the person themselves feels it.”
“Not really… I’m not sure.”
“Then, it would be good to think about what you desired most at the moment you resisted the Unknown. You usually gain an ability related to that.”
Esdel, who had been retracing her memory for a moment, paused.
“Did something come to mind?”
“Yes, I did, but… I’m still not sure. I thought, I want revenge, I wish the Unknown would disappear.”
Esdel tilted her head. At least, it seemed certain that the Unknown had not disappeared. Just a moment ago, the power of the Unknown was occupying her with the intent to burn her entire body, and even now she was boiling with a high fever.
‘It’s not an ability where the Unknown disappears if it touches my body, or one where I can make the Unknown disappear if I want to.’
Then what is it?
Theodore, who had been lost in thought for a moment, opened his mouth.
“If it is that kind of wish, there is a high probability that it has been granted indirectly. For example…”
Theodore took something out from his waist. It was hidden by his palm, so she couldn’t see what it was. The moment Esdel tried to look at it, her vision went black.
‘Huh?’
Esdel was in a darkness where she couldn’t see an inch in front of her. The darkness had no beginning and no end. It stretched out infinitely without any boundaries.
She unknowingly took a step forward. The foot that had moved from its spot was sucked downwards. Esdel’s body, having lost its balance, tilted over, and at the same time, she fell into the darkness.
“Heok…”
Esdel opened her eyes with a start.
She saw Theodore right in front of her. She wasn’t in the dark, nor was she falling. She was on the bed, just as she had been with this man. The only difference was that Theodore, who had been behind her, had moved to the front to face her.
“Are you alright?”
“S-sorry. My vision suddenly went black… I must have seen it wrong. I’m probably just tired.”
“No, that’s not it.”
“…What?”
Esdel blinked and retorted.
She was the one whose mind had been hazy for a moment, yet Theodore immediately denied her answer. Why? Because he knew the cause?
He didn’t even give Esdel a chance to finish her thoughts and asked back.
“A moment ago, you were unconscious for about 3 seconds. Did you see anything in that time?”
“No, nothing…”
“You said your vision went black a moment ago. Were you in a specific space?”
“I was in the dark, but I don’t know if it was a specific space…”
But why do I have to say this?
Esdel, who had been speaking haltingly, closed her mouth at some point. Theodore nodded as if to tell her to continue, but she didn’t feel like speaking anymore.
‘In the first place, if I hadn’t leaned my body over so much to see what Theodore was holding in his hand, I wouldn’t have felt dizzy…’
Dizzy? Did I fall because I was dizzy?
She couldn’t remember well. Esdel frowned and turned her gaze. And she found the bed all covered in blood.
Why is that so red…? And my clothes too, why are they the same color?
Startled, Esdel grabbed Theodore’s shoulder tightly and asked.
“Did someone die here?”
“Yes. You died. There is a delay of about 3 seconds to come back to life, so if it’s an urgent situation, it would be best to try not to die.”
“…What?”
Me? Dead?
…3 seconds to come back to life?
Esdel, who had belatedly grasped the situation, shoved the man’s shoulder she was holding hard. Then she grabbed the pillow with both hands and kicked her feet on the bed to distance herself from him. She soon felt her head hit the headboard.
“You told me to rest assured! You said you’d keep me alive no matter what! You killed me? In the blink of an eye like that?”
“I’m glad it was in the blink of an eye. The fact that you just noticed now means my hand was fast enough. Fast enough not to feel any pain.”
“Is this the time for self-praise?”
Esdel’s face turned pale. She had temporarily forgotten due to other crises until now. That this man was also a person to be wary of.
“What would you have done if my ability wasn’t to come back to life!”
“You would have died.”
“You said you’d keep me alive no matter what!”
“Yes, I would have.”
Theodore nodded. And then he added with a completely serious expression.
“In any case, you can never die. As long as I don’t want you to.”
A black light glittered in the man’s blue eyes. Just like when they first met, ominous black letters were flashing over them.
Esdel instinctively closed her eyes, but soon realized that the letters did not have the same effect on her as before.
Her head tingled slightly. But that was all. She didn’t feel the same sense of fear as before.
‘It’s because I became an Awakened of the Unknown.’
Esdel once again realized that everything was different from then.
There was an unbridgeable gap between the Esdel who had faced that man at the front door, and the Esdel of now.
“You still have a high fever, so it would be best to calm your excitement.”
Theodore reached out and touched her forehead. The distance Esdel had desperately tried to create was closed in an instant.
“I think it would be good to get some more sleep… but it seems difficult to fall asleep here. It would be best to move rooms.”
He lifted Esdel from the blood-stained bed sheets.
“I can, I can walk on my own…”
“If you want to go back quickly, it would be best to avoid any actions that could strain your body even a little. Unless you want to stay here for a long time.”
“…”
Esdel stopped her flailing legs.
He had kissed her, touched her bare chest, and then stabbed her in the neck and killed her. The man who had done all that in less than an hour was holding her with delicate gestures.
“Put your arms around my neck. You will get hurt if you fall.”
Esdel, who had been frozen, awkwardly placed her hands behind his neck. As her posture was awkward, Theodore clicked his tongue and lifted her thigh, which he was supporting with his hand.
Esdel’s cheeks turned red as she was suddenly held like a child, but she had no strength left to push him away.
She leaned her head on his shoulder, looking at the unfamiliar corridor. The day had been too long. So much so that everything felt like a dream.
For three days, Esdel repeated a cycle of waking up for a moment and then collapsing into sleep. Even then, her memories of the time she was awake were faint.
‘It’s been a while since my head has been this clear.’
It was just as Theodore had said. As she entered the third day, her condition improved to the point where just staying in bed made her antsy.
Esdel swung her legs out of the bed. The fur slippers neatly placed below were unpleasantly a perfect fit for her feet.
She stared blankly at the slippers for a moment before shifting her gaze. The shoe size, well, he could find that out just by going to the salon she frequented. She didn’t want to worry about every single trivial thing like this.
This was a marriage with a price. Esdel had accepted the proposal without even knowing the man’s name. It was a shock to be killed in an instant a few days ago, but to question his character now was a meaningless act.
Had she been leaning against the window frame like that, getting some air for about ten minutes? She felt a presence from outside. Esdel looked back.
“Are you awake?”
Through the half-open door, she saw Theodore standing there holding a tray. Seeing the steam rising from the tray, it seemed he had prepared a meal.
“Yes, I just woke up.”
He placed the tray on the table next to the bed and lifted his head towards Esdel.
“Your condition seems to have improved a lot, but it would still be better to take measures until today. Please come this way.”
“Yes.”
The answer came out immediately, but her body didn’t move as nimbly as her mind. Theodore waited without rushing until the hesitant Esdel got on the bed by herself.
Once on the bed, Esdel clasped her hands near her navel and gave Theodore a look of permission. After that, she didn’t have to do anything. Even if she lay there without lifting a finger, Theodore would untie her pajama strings on his own, put his hand above her chest, and do what he had to do.
She felt the touch on the string that fastened the top of her pajamas. Her shoulders flinched. Esdel turned her head away and held her breath. If she could just endure this moment, the rest would be over quickly.
That is, if things went as they usually did.
“…ow is it?”
“…”
“Esdel?”
Esdel, who had her head turned to the side, realized a step too late that he was calling her. When she snapped her eyes open, Theodore’s eyes were right in front of her nose.
A cool air was felt through the untied knot. The dry concern in his blue eyes touched her cheek. The eyes, which held no passion, paradoxically made her conscious of her parted clothes.
Feeling her heart, which she had painstakingly suppressed, pound like crazy, Esdel slowly opened her mouth.
“…Um, what did you just say?”
“I asked how your body condition is.”
“Ah, I’m… I think I’m fine.”
She tried to answer as if nothing was wrong, but it wasn’t very successful.
What can I do? Even if she was the heir and all, she was born and raised as the only daughter of a count. The only bare skin she had ever shown to a man from outside the family was her face. She hadn’t even held hands without lace gloves.
Esdel struggled to not show her agitation, even breathing regularly. Of course, this too was not very successful, but Theodore, after a short silence, conceded.
“I see. I’m glad you’re fine. Then…”
The man’s shadow fell over her upper body. An unfamiliar body heat seeped into her pajamas. It was a routine they had been doing dozens of times for three days now, but the sensation of his firm fingers fumbling with her skin showed no signs of becoming familiar.
Esdel clenched her fists tight. Sweat formed on her palms. She felt the tip of his finger touch the plump upper ridge of her breast. It was entirely her burden to worry that his hand might brush below it.
She tormented her clasped hands for no reason. She pressed her nail hard into an innocent finger to leave a mark, pressing hard until just before blood was drawn and then releasing, repeating the action. Just before blood was about to be drawn from her tingling fingertip, the man’s hand finally pulled away.
Esdel carefully exhaled the breath she had been holding.
It was a stroke of luck that the mark was on her right side. If it had been on the left, her faster-than-usual heartbeat would have been helplessly discovered.
“It’s finished. Is there any place that is particularly uncomfortable?”
“…No. Thank you.”
Watching Theodore withdraw from above her, she was engulfed in complex emotions.
Over the past few days, Esdel had been slowly accepting the drastic changes that had occurred in her life.
Even if the friend she thought would be by her side forever died, life goes on. What hurts still hurts just as much, and what’s embarrassing is still embarrassing. Esdel’s life was flowing on as it had before. Except for the one fact that she no longer had a friend to confide in about all these things.
“Um, Theodore, there’s something I’m curious about.”
“Yes.”
“When I first saw you. If I had accepted the proposal then… would the situation have been better?”
Theodore, who was fastening her collar, looked up. He blinked with an expression that made it impossible to know what he was thinking, and then his lips parted.
“In my opinion, even if time were turned back hundreds of times, there would be no possibility of you accepting my proposal at that moment. Is that not so?”
“…That’s right. Unless I was out of my mind, there’s no way I would have accepted.”
Yes. There was no way.
Even if given another chance, Esdel’s decision would not change. As long as she didn’t remember the future, never.
“That’s true. Even if a miracle happened, it’s something that wouldn’t have changed.”
Esdel nodded lightly. Of all the things that man had said so far, that was the one that made the most sense.
It doesn’t change. There’s no possibility of it changing.
Good, I’m convinced. It was clear and good. Now that she had sorted out the past, she felt she could really think about the future.
“I have something I’m curious about too. May I ask?”
“Yes. Ask away.”
Now that I’ve become an Awakened of the Unknown, what should I do? First, I should probably find out why those Consumed were running rampant in the Reinhardt domain of all places. After confirming the reason, if there was someone’s malice involved, she would never forgive them. She would make sure they paid the price…
Theodore’s voice was heard between her continuing thoughts.
“Your body condition, are you sure you’re fine? It would be good if you told me now if there are any other problems.”
“Ah, my body. It’s fine. I think I can even walk outside now, so can I go for a walk? I’d like to send a letter to my parents.”
She was about to get up to go for a walk in the front yard while she was at it. A shadow fell over her head.
“If you’re not sick, why are you crying like that?”
A rough fingertip, calloused, brushed past her eye. Only after seeing the moisture that had thoroughly soaked his hand did Esdel realize that her cheeks were a mess with tears.
‘Ah.’
A tear that had formed at the tip of her chin fell. Triggered by that, the ones that had been welling up in her eyes also began to stream down.
Esdel, who had rubbed her tears a few times, soon gave up on wiping them. Instead, she covered her face with both hands.
“Here, don’t look at me. …Go out. I’ll, I’ll do it on my own…”
Before she could finish her words, she felt a hand on her back. The man’s large palm, which had touched her so tiresomely over the past few days, swept down her back.
“It’s better to cry without holding back. Holding your breath is worse for your health.”
“You, just shut your mouth, ugh, please. I really… won’t let you get away with this…”
“Me?”
Esdel tried to shove Theodore, who was patting her back, and pull the blanket over her head. But the man wouldn’t let go of the hand holding the blanket. On the contrary, he pulled the blanket down and looked into Esdel’s face.
Her eyes, red and blurry with tears, were revealed without concealment under his gaze.
“You don’t look well. It’s still not good to get overly excited…”
Esdel, who had been pulling at the blanket, gave up, unable to overcome the man’s strength. Instead, she grabbed the pillow behind her and threw it. In her blurred vision, she saw the man catch the pillow Esdel had thrown with all her might with both hands.
Seeing that made her cry even more.
You could have let it hit you just once, you know.
The world, trapped in the teardrops welling in her eyes, distorted. Her stomach churned again. All she had eaten was thin soup, but she felt like she was going to throw up even that.
Esdel bowed her head to hide her crumbling face. The shimmering faces wouldn’t leave her mind. Whenever she had a little bit of leeway, she kept looking back on the past. She would retrace all the past forks in the road, and wonder what it would have been like if she had made a different choice here.
While she didn’t even have the leeway to wipe the tears dripping from her chin, she heard Theodore’s question once again.
“You still haven’t told me what you won’t let me get away with.”
Esdel’s brow furrowed sharply.
The way he persistently asked back about things that could have been let go, the way he pretended not to hear her request to leave, and even the way he remained expressionless in this situation, all of it stimulated Esdel’s nerves.
Esdel whipped her head up. Facing the man’s face, from which she could read no emotion at all, the thoughts that had been vying in her mind poured out of her mouth.
