Chapter 82
Chapter 82. Terminal Diagnosis (7)
At Sodam’s muttered complaint, the staff member blinked in confusion and asked,
“Sorry?”
“No, it’s nothing. I got it.”
Letting out a deep sigh in the end, Sodam gave a small nod and walked in the direction he pointed. Getting angry at someone who was just relaying Juyul’s message was the wrong thing to do. Huffing, she climbed the stairs and sank into the plush seat, squeezing her eyes shut.
Normally, she would’ve been shocked by the experience of riding a private jet for the first time in her life, and then shocked again by its luxurious interior—but right now, none of that registered. Hadn’t they parted with smiles the last time they met? It wasn’t like Sodam had said she never wanted to see him again—she even made it clear that she would continue Guiding him until the contract ended.
And yet, here was Juyul, going out of his way to childishly avoid seeing her face, which made her blood boil. There was only one way to cool down and forget about the infuriating Juyul. Taking a deep breath, Sodam awkwardly raised her voice.
“Um, do you have any whiskey? Just one glass… No, maybe two…”
* * *
By the time Sodam stepped off the plane, the total number of whiskey shots she had consumed came to ten. Thanks to the nearly twelve-hour flight, the alcohol had somewhat worn off, but in its place came a vicious hangover. Clutching her splitting head and staggering along as she followed the staff, she climbed into some kind of limousine, closed her eyes, and sank into the seat. Every breath she exhaled carried the strong scent of alcohol.
The car pulled away smoothly without a single jolt, and she could feel the sunlight brushing swiftly over her closed eyelids as it streamed in through the windows.
It was her first time in Europe—she should have been excited. Instead, she found herself trying to figure out why she was in such a foul mood.
Because she’d drunk too much. Because she was feeling like crap. Because she drank too much because she was pissed off at Baek Juyul for avoiding her. And the reason she was pissed off at Baek Juyul for avoiding her was…
“Because Baek Juyul is an asshole…”
“…We haven’t seen each other in ages, and the first thing you do is curse at me?”
“Did I say anything that wasn’t true? …Wait a second—what the hell?”
Startled, Sodam’s eyes flew open, and when she looked to the side, there was Juyul, sitting next to her with a crooked smile.
She stared blankly at him, too shocked to even close her mouth, and he jerked his chin in a familiar gesture as he spoke.
“Who else would I be? I’m your Esper.”
“…Ha. I don’t recall having an Esper who couldn’t even text me once in over two months.”
The shamelessness of it was infuriating enough that her honest feelings slipped out before she could stop them. When she’d boarded the plane, she’d prepared a very thorough, very logical script of everything she wanted to say to him—but the moment she saw his face, that entire script tore itself to shreds.
All that was left behind was a pathetic, messy ball of emotion.
She knew how immature it sounded to say something like that out loud. Clamping down on her tongue in frustration, she turned her face to the window. Behind her, Juyul’s smile deepened.
Leaning closer, bracing a hand on the seat, he asked in a low voice,
“Were you upset that I didn’t contact you?”
“…”
“You said you were taking time off, so I didn’t reach out. I thought I’d let you rest.”
“…Still…”
Somehow, in just two months, Juyul felt like an entirely different person. He no longer seemed like some immature kid.
Or maybe it wasn’t Juyul who had changed—it was her, growing more anxious. Sodam hesitated, then brought both hands to cover her face and muttered,
“You could’ve at least asked if I was doing okay…”
“Ah. And what about the other guys?”
“What other guys?”
“Cha Seonghwa, Samuyeon, Han Daram, Oh Hyunju.”
Honestly, it was the first time Sodam had even learned Hyunju unni’s full name. The unexpected list of names thrown at her out of nowhere gave her an odd sense of relief.
Juyul was still Juyul, and still… paying attention to her.
‘No—what kind of crap is that? Why would I feel happy that he’s paying attention to me? That makes no sense.’
Trying to shake off the thoughts, she gave her head a firm shake, only for the forgotten hangover to come roaring back, making her stomach lurch. As she reached to steady herself against the seat, Juyul caught her and pulled her into his arms.
In the familiar warmth of his embrace, she let out a sigh of relief without meaning to and bit down hard on her lip. Thankfully, Juyul didn’t seem to notice. He simply pressed a hand to her burning forehead.
“How much did you even drink? You don’t even like alcohol that much.”
“Ah, well, that’s…”
“Don’t tell me that was because of me, too?”
“…”
Avoiding an answer with an awkward silence, Sodam let her hand trail down Juyul’s arm that was wrapped around her waist, timidly grasping the edge of his sleeve. In response, his arm tightened slightly, drawing her in closer. She could clearly feel the heavy thump, thump of his heartbeat resonating through her back.
After a moment of hesitation, she stared down at the floor and confessed.
“I don’t even want to see Samuyeon, I don’t have Han Daram’s contact info, I’m not close to Cha Seonghwa, and Hyunju unni’s a journalist, so I was afraid things would blow up if I told her anything. That’s why I didn’t even mention the vacation.”
“…So?”
“You were the only one left. But then you didn’t contact me at all. I thought… maybe you were mad because I left like that…”
She’d never acted this small even in past relationships, but somehow, around him, these excuse-like words just tumbled out on their own.
Having said far too much, she suddenly felt a wave of embarrassment and quickly covered her face again. Then Juyul rested his head lightly against her shoulder.
“I wasn’t angry. I just thought, since you said you needed rest, I should let you rest.”
“…”
“Hearing that you were still waiting for me while you rested… makes me feel kind of nice.”
His voice, now far too close—too close between her ear and lips—sank even deeper into her eardrums than before. Thump, thump, thump. Her heartbeat grew faster, and she swallowed dryly, hoping desperately that he wouldn’t notice.
As if nothing was out of the ordinary, Juyul idly brushed his fingers through her hair, which had slipped forward, and asked offhandedly,
“Your hair—did you dye it?”
“Hack, cough—y-yes?”
“The color’s really light. Did you bleach it?”
“Ah, yeah. I did. A lot of bleaching. Yeah. For a change of pace.”
Though it had been a while since they’d seen each other, they’d fallen into conversation so naturally that even Sodam had forgotten her hair color had changed. Coughing harshly, she tried to answer as casually as possible while nervously tugging at her hair. Then Juyul, lifting his head slightly, reached out to hold her chin and turned her to face him. Caught in his gaze, she quickly darted her eyes around, searching for somewhere—anywhere—else to look.
Fortunately, it wasn’t long before he let go of her chin and pulled her back into his arms.
“Why’d you turn your face away all of a sudden?”
“I was wondering how you’d done your eyes. It didn’t look like contacts—it seemed too natural.”
“Ah… ha, ha-ha! Of course they’re contacts! Technology’s really advanced these days, so they look just like real eyes! Ha, ha, ha-ha…”
“Oh, really? So, you dyed your hair and you’re wearing lenses in your eyes?”
“O-of course! I mean, even if we haven’t seen each other in a while, it’s only been two months. It’s not like I’d go all gray-haired or something, right? Ha ha ha!”
Completely flustered by the sudden barrage of questions, Sodam babbled on, throwing in all kinds of unnecessary comments. Her awkward laughter and rapid eye movements made it obvious how uneasy she was as she kept glancing at Juyul.
When he rested his forehead gently on her shoulder, her whole body tensed so visibly that her shoulders jumped.
The brand name on the tag peeking from under her clothes was something Juyul had never even seen before. The good mood that had started to settle in after hearing her honest feelings instantly plummeted. His deep blue eyes darkened with a glossy sheen.
Sodam, fidgeting nervously because Juyul remained leaning on her without saying a word, finally gathered her courage and spoke up cautiously.
“Maybe you’re tired too, Esper Baek Juyul? Even if you came ahead of me, it was only by an hour or two…”
“Ah. The UK Association was being a pain. I guess they need some independence since they’ve cut ties with the European branch. Not that I care.”
“So you were at the airport for over an hour? If I’d known, I wouldn’t have followed you straight to the accommodation or whatever.”
“I figured I should bring my Guide with me.”
At that, Sodam couldn’t help but voice the question she’d been holding back.
“But you told them to tell me you came early to scout the field first!”
“Of course that was a lie. I just wanted you to get some rest before the subjugation starts.”
“Doing something ‘for me’ isn’t some kind of universal pass! You always use that as an excuse to…”
“So, do you hate it?”
“It’s not that I… hate it. I just want you to ask me first. Maybe I didn’t want to rest.”
Even as she said the words, Sodam felt a wave of self-loathing. How could anything sound so pathetic and contradictory? But if he did this again—disappearing without a word under the pretense of doing what’s best for her—then next time, she really might grab him by the collar and shake him senseless. To avoid that kind of disaster, there was one thing she had to make absolutely clear, right now.
“…I don’t dislike being with you.”
