Chapter 78

Chapter 78. Terminal Diagnosis (3)

The terminal diagnosis, the fact that she had nowhere to return to—those were clearly enough to wear her down. But what truly left Sodam feeling helpless was the realization that there wasn’t a single person she could talk to about it.

Juyul was obviously out of the question. Seonghwa? He was Juyul’s friend—also out. Hyunju? There was a chance she might use it as material for a story—so, again, out.

She had only ruled out three people, yet already there was no one left around her. That alone made her sigh deeply.

Even in her original life, she barely had people close to her, but at least she had been physically healthy. Whenever she faced something emotionally difficult, talking it out with her fellow orphanage friends always made her feel lighter. But in this world, there weren’t even those orphanage friends she had grown attached to. That thought alone brought tears to her eyes.

“Damn it, it’s not like I wanted to come here…”

She was sniffling, wallowing in her misfortune, when the front door lock turned—and in came the root of all this mess. Sodam quickly wiped her tears and jumped to her feet, practically lunging at him. It was because of him that things had gotten this bad—surely he could at least spare her a little warmth.

Juyul looked momentarily startled when someone ran up to hug him the moment he stepped inside, but soon enough, he naturally reached out and gently stroked her back.

They stayed like that for a long time, holding each other in silence. Eventually, he spoke, his voice unusually kind and considerate.

“Did something happen?”

“…Something did, but not really.”

“Looks like you went somewhere. Pharmacy? Are you sick? I told you, let’s just call the house doctor to check.”

“Ah…”

As Sodam hesitated, she realized the corner of the medicine bag was sticking out of her pocket. She had meant to put it away before he came. Just because she was feeling down didn’t mean she could afford to delay handling things—there would be plenty more she’d have to take care of secretly from now on.

As her senses returned, she felt ashamed of how she had instinctively sought comfort in Juyul’s warmth. She awkwardly pushed away from his waist and stepped back, mumbling a half-baked excuse.

“Come on, who calls the doctor over just for a little nosebleed? I just went to the hospital because I haven’t had my period in a while, but they said it’s nothing serious. Just fatigue and stress. They told me to take it easy for a bit.”

“…Really?”

“It’s all your fault, Mr. Baek, keeping me up all night. I figured if I clung to you ahead of time, you might bother me less tonight. So I made the first move.”

Her cheeky remark softened the worry in Juyul’s expression. He pulled her close again, chuckling as he said,

“Then you’ll have to stick close for quite a while. Are you ready for that?”

“Ah, at the very least, give me a break while I’m eating. I can’t eat like this!”

“If I feed you, or you feed me, problem solved.”

“Absolutely not. I’m an independent woman. If someone feeds me, I break out in hives.”

Their conversation, exchanged while stumbling around half-embraced, continued with a strange mix of tension—though it was likely only Sodam who felt that tension.

Without Juyul noticing, Sodam bit her tongue hard, trying to suppress the storm within, and forced herself to wear a smile like she always did. She didn’t know how long she could keep up the act, but she could only hope her body would hold out at least until she could leave him on her own terms.

* * *

“Cough… Ugh, getting used to the taste of blood is honestly kind of depressing…”

Ptui. Sodam spat out the blood pooled in her mouth and let out a deep sigh.

It had been over three months now since she began this tightrope act on her own. Each week, the doctor warned her to cut back on the Guiding, but by now he seemed to have mostly given up on breaking her stubbornness. She kept picking up her prescriptions, responded obediently, and yet her test results were running further in the wrong direction every time—it was enough to wear anyone out.

What she’d realized from her regular hospital visits was this: proper medication helped a lot—tremendously, even.

The first time she shut her eyes tight and injected the Guiding booster into her thigh, she’d been shocked by the surge of energy that coursed through her body. But she got too confident, overdid it, and wound up back at the hospital again and again. And now, her already weak body felt completely ragged.

“No, I’m not the problem here. The real problem is Baek Juyul, who jumps me every chance he gets now that I’m healthy again.”

…Of course, the past version of herself, drunk on desire and all too willing to accept those advances, was also to blame—but she chose to conveniently overlook that fact.

Thanks to that disastrous compatibility between them, Sodam’s body had reached rock bottom. Even her period, which had returned after she started the injections, had now stopped completely. She tried to eat properly, but the weight kept falling off. Her body had always been on the lean side, but now she looked visibly sick. Even Juyul seemed to have noticed something, because he’d taken to bringing her health food and porridge, trying to get her to eat. Watching him do that, Sodam realized it was time to break this delicate, sugar-glass peace.

Right on cue, the message she had been waiting for finally arrived.

“QET: Ms. Sodam~ We’ve got a place you were asking about! Please stop by whenever you’re free~ ^^”

The moment she saw the message, Sodam threw on her coat and dashed out. The new place was farther from the Association than her last apartment, but it was still within a two-hour walk, and best of all, it was a proper villa—not a semi-basement.

Her bank balance could more than cover the cost, which helped seal the deal.

It was vacant too, which meant she could move in immediately. Without a moment of hesitation, she signed the contract, throwing down over half her cash on the spot. All that remained now was the hardest part—convincing Baek Juyul.

To prepare, she bathed thoroughly, composed herself, and sat upright on the sofa, clutching her racing heart.

“You can do this. Just act shameless. Be bold.”

She planned to leave behind all her belongings so it wouldn’t look like she was running away. The diary and the will—those belonged to Guide Maeng, not her—so she had to take them, but everything else had been gifted by Juyul anyway. She didn’t feel the slightest regret about leaving it all behind.

Still tightly wound with tension, she was doing deep breathing—inhale, exhale—when she heard the familiar sound of the door lock turning. Juyul approached from behind and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, chuckling softly.

“Trying to get out of spending the night with me today?”

“What? What nonsense are you talking about…”

“You didn’t come to greet me for once. That’s unusual. Guess I’ll take it as a sign you’ll miss me.”

He kept bringing it up since that day—how she had once run to hug him at the door like it meant the world to him. It was starting to get on her nerves. Though, truthfully, Sodam had learned since then that a short hug like that actually did feel kind of nice.

But Juyul was different. She still couldn’t understand why he was so hung up on these non-Guiding forms of affection. Maybe it was the casual way she had said “Welcome home” that day—it might’ve stuck with him. Having someone waiting at home just for you could be a great comfort.

Unfortunately, Sodam didn’t want to stay as his comfort any longer. She did feel sorry for him, she did care—but not enough to sacrifice her own life.

…Well, considering she’d ignored the doctor’s advice for this long, maybe she already was sacrificing herself to a similar degree.

Juyul had seeped into her life like a slow drizzle soaking a sleeve. It was hard to imagine her days without him now. If she were to cut him out completely, it would be like slicing away most of herself.

But as long as this was a choice she was making with her own will, then even if she bled—no, bled a lot—she could handle it. She had to.

Sodam gently took hold of the arm around her neck and lowered it. Then, carefully, she opened her mouth.

“Esper Baek Juyul.”

“…What?”

“I think it’s time I go back home.”

“…”

“I mean, it feels like a waste to keep paying rent on a place I never visit. And… I feel a little guilty freeloading off you like this…”

She’d used up nearly all her prepared excuses, yet Juyul remained strangely silent.

She knew how satisfied he was with their living arrangement, so she’d expected an immediate rebuttal. But once again, reality moved in the opposite direction of her expectations. Unable to bear the silence, Sodam rushed to finish her list of excuses.

“And, like, the Guiding Room too. That place was originally supposed to be just for you, but we haven’t used it in ages. It’s kind of a waste to leave such a nice room empty, don’t you think?”

“…So you want to leave me?”

“Wha—when did I ever say that?!”

Startled by Juyul’s blunt words, she tried to turn her head—but failed. His hand was stronger than her neck, firmly holding her chin in place.

He didn’t say anything more. He just locked her gaze and pressed his nose to the nape of her neck. The side of his face, reflected faintly in the window, looked… sad. That expression made Sodam blurt out things she hadn’t even meant to say.

“I’ll still be your Guide. The contract isn’t up yet… I don’t plan to leave you. Not really.”

“…”

“A-and! Do you even know how much paid leave I’ve stacked up? It’s insane! I can’t waste that!”

That part, at least, was one hundred percent sincere. She hadn’t tallied it up exactly, but she was sure it was several months’ worth. Even if she quit, she had to cash out every bit of that paid time off. It would be unbearable to walk away from it otherwise—such was the mindset of the average wage worker.

She spoke gently, stroking his arm like she was trying to calm him down. Juyul let out a small sigh.

Taking that as a positive sign, Sodam hurried to drive the final nail in.

“I’m leaving all my stuff behind anyway… Okay? It’s just that it felt like a waste to leave a perfectly good place sitting empty.”