Chapter 77
Chapter 77. Terminal Diagnosis (2)
At Sodam’s direct question, the doctor let out a deep sigh and replied.
“If you quit Guiding as of today, then no. But if you continue working steadily as a Guide, then yes—it’s likely.”
“…What if I have a reason I can’t quit?”
“Then this might be the first time you’re hearing your terminal diagnosis.”
One of the forbidden keywords Sodam had desperately tried to avoid as a possessed character had slipped out without warning.
If this followed cliché, the doctor who delivered the diagnosis would spill everything to the male lead, and that would mark the start of his obsessive behavior. But wasn’t Juyul already suffocatingly possessive? If even this were to reach his ears, he might seriously shackle Sodam by the wrist.
Sodam shut her eyes tight and opened them again, then clasped the doctor’s hands in both of hers and gave him a desperate look.
“No matter what else happens, this one thing—please keep it secret. Even if the Association shows up, even if Baek Juyul shows up, this is between you and me only. Understood?”
“…Isn’t it natural for an Esper to know and care about their personal Guide’s health?”
“Ha…”
Older people often believed that the relationship between a personal Guide and their Esper was something between lovers and spouses—and that sentiment rang painfully true now. If she and Juyul really had that kind of relationship, she could have shared her health condition as much as he wanted.
But they didn’t. What tied the two of them together was nothing more than a thin sheet of paper.
At least, that’s how it was for Sodam. The emotional connection beneath that paper-thin contract could be snapped in one clean strike.
Unless, of course, she spent more time with him going forward. But as of now, that was how she felt.
Holding her throbbing head and letting out sigh after sigh, Sodam spoke calmly.
“Yes, of course, it’s natural. But shouldn’t I be the one to tell him? Right?”
“Well… yes, that’s true too.”
“As you know, this sort of thing needs mental preparation. But my Esper isn’t exactly known for his patience, and if he can’t wait, he might come storming in to shake you down. So please, I beg you, keep it confidential. You mentioned medical law, right? You have to uphold it.”
“Oh, of course. Unless you bring him here yourself, I won’t say a word to anyone.”
“You promised. …So, uh, what’s this?”
After sternly warning him and turning her head, Sodam noticed the monitor was filled with letters and numbers.
The doctor had been about to explain it calmly, but Sodam’s abrupt shift in tone had thrown off his rhythm. As she awkwardly sat back down, the doctor cleared his throat a few times and pointed to the screen.
“Here, this one… and this. Do you see these values? Normally—well, in healthy Guides—these never drop below 50. Even if they hit 50 on the dot, most would say, ‘Ugh, I don’t feel so great.’ But in your case…”
“…21, 11, 18?”
“Yes, that’s right. Right now, you’re basically wringing out a dry rag. There’s not enough strength left to guide properly, so you’re squeezing out your life force instead. And here—this one shows the level of contamination built up in your body. What do you think?”
“Uh, the number exploded?”
“Exactly. For reference, the normal contamination level ranges from 20 to 30. Yours is?”
“Ha… 400? Is that even possible?”
Thinking she might be seeing it wrong, Sodam blinked hard and rubbed her eyes—but the bright red number “400” didn’t disappear. In fact, it became even clearer. She couldn’t believe a value twenty times the normal level had been found in her own body.
Was it awe or despair? She let out a breathy, incredulous laugh. The doctor slowly nodded in response.
“To be honest, the fact that you walked in here on your own is a miracle. That’s probably thanks to the artifact you’re wearing right now. But you can’t rely on it too much. You might feel okay, but internally, your body is rotting away.”
“…”
“If you remove the artifact and take a proper break without doing any Guiding, all the things you’ve put off on credit will come crashing down. You know how when you pull all-nighters on caffeine and then suddenly crash and sleep for hours? It’ll be like that. You’ll need to manage it with medication and focus entirely on recovery for at least a few months to get back to basic health.”
Had it just been a verbal warning, she might have brushed it off, but seeing the values compared right before her eyes made the doctor’s words sink in—and feel terrifyingly real. Chewing the inside of her cheek in silence, Sodam asked in a trembling voice,
“…Is it really that bad? Am I seriously going to die?”
“Whew. You just didn’t seem like you were planning to stop, so I had to be a little more firm with you. But if you start resting and stop Guiding from now on, the situation will be a lot better than what I just warned you about.”
“Guiding… so, if I at least minimize physical contact?”
At Sodam’s refusal to back down, the doctor let out another heavy sigh. She was well aware she’d become the type of patient she’d only seen online—difficult and uncooperative—but even so, she couldn’t walk away from this so easily.
If she showed Juyul the state of her health and declared, “I’m quitting as your Guide!”—he’d probably just nod without a second of hesitation.
…No. When had Baek Juyul ever acted according to her expectations? If anything, he always blew past them.
If she replaced her current situation with some other person’s, and imagined Baek Juyul not as himself but as a clingy male lead in a novel, then the outcome would be obvious—completely opposite.
Instead of letting her go without resistance…
Wouldn’t he say something like, “Then I’ll never receive Guiding again, so stay by my side forever, safe and healthy until the day you die”? God, that gave her chills. He really might say that.
At first, she’d thought that maybe—because of what happened with his mother—he’d let her go. But now she wasn’t so sure.
With his mother, he had let her go without power, but Sodam could more easily imagine him saying, “You, I’ll protect with my own hands,” and sticking to her like glue. That felt far more like the Baek Juyul she knew.
Shit. Yeah, hiding it really is the right move. The contract doesn’t even have much time left anyway. If I open my mouth, I might end up locked in Juyul’s house. How… how do I hide this?
The remaining contract period was about a year. She was starting to get anxious about whether she could really get through it with nothing more than kisses. The best plan would be to run away from his house altogether, but she’d already emptied out her old apartment the moment she hit the one-month mark of living at his place. She had nowhere to return to.
Damn it. And all that just to save a few dozen in monthly rent? Ugh!
Sora never showed up, her introduction into the story had failed, and Sodam had already become one of the harem members. She had half given up on leaving Juyul completely. So, she’d only thought about house-hunting someday if he ever decided to find a new Guide—not that she would be the one to leave first. Life at Juyul’s place had just been that ridiculously comfortable.
Meals came on time, there was a car, it was warm… it was like heaven.
If she had known that heaven would drag her straight to the grave, she would’ve at least kept her old place as backup.
While Sodam stared blankly at the ceiling with a dazed expression, the doctor—perhaps feeling a little guilty—spoke again, this time more awkwardly.
“Well… if we’re talking bare minimum, then something like holding hands might be okay. It’s inefficient, but the contamination level would be very low. So… don’t be too discouraged…”
“So I really shouldn’t do any deep Guiding at all? Like… kissing, for example?”
“Hm. Maybe not anything deeper than that, but a kiss might be okay… once every two months, let’s say. But only on the condition that you don’t do any other kind of Guiding in between.”
“…So my body’s really that bad off, huh.”
“Normally, patients come in long before they’re pushed this far. You’re… a bit of a special case. Either your compatibility with your Esper is exceptionally high, or your own potential is just that great. It’s probably one or the other.”
“Ah… I’ve heard our compatibility is good. So that’s the reason.”
If not for that compatibility, she wouldn’t have gotten so entangled with Juyul, wouldn’t have been pushed this far. Grinding her teeth at the cursed word “compatibility,” Sodam repeatedly rubbed her face. Her cheekbones felt more prominent now, and her cheeks seemed a little hollow.
“So… you can pick up your prescription at the reception desk. And come back again next month.”
“Yeah… thank you.”
Shuffling out of the consultation room, she glanced at the other Guides in the waiting area. Their healthy, glowing skin made her envious. On the way home, after picking up her medicine and hugging the bag to her chest, she even stopped by a real estate agency—only to feel her mood sink to rock bottom. There wasn’t a single listing within an hour’s walk of the Association.
Her old place had leaky pipes and mold, but the location had been perfect. She’d barely listed it before someone else had already snatched it up. She really had nowhere to go back to now.
Nodding vaguely to the real estate agent who said they’d call her if any listings popped up, she returned home and collapsed. Shoving the medicine bag into her coat pocket, she threw herself onto the sofa. A wave of raw emotion crashed over her.
Wow. I’m seriously fucked.
