Chapter 31
At last, it was just the nanny and me.
Slowly, I took off my earrings and bracelet, placing them gently on the vanity.
The vanity Edgar had recently bought was overly extravagant—it didn’t suit the room at all.
The daybed he purchased with it clashed just as awkwardly with the calm wallpaper, feeling completely out of place.
“Miss… is there something you want to say?”
The nanny couldn’t wait for me to finish removing my ring. She spoke up, her tone nervous and impatient.
“Justin’s behavior at the marquis’s estate today was reckless.”
I let out a sigh, answering her question with the thoughts that had weighed heavily on me all day.
When I first met Justin at Count Rosette’s estate, he seemed like a humble young man.
His concern for Cecilia didn’t feel fake.
At the beginning, he didn’t even complain about working as a gardener.
The nanny, who had left the Rosette estate, seemed genuinely content to spend her remaining years peacefully by Cecilia’s side.
“My son did it all for you, Miss.”
The nanny, unable to bear hearing her son criticized, rushed to explain.
“I know he’s not a real knight, but still—he’s more reliable than Sir Juan, who’s practically a stranger.”
“Reliable?”
I gave a bitter, hollow laugh.
At the Marquis Federica’s estate, Justin acted as if he were a proper knight.
“He’s not even good enough to be Sir Juan’s squire.”
Justin’s position was vague.
Sir Juan never officially accepted him as a squire.
He only took him in, reluctantly, as an errand boy—because I asked.
“If he keeps showing his face and you just write a recommendation letter, he’ll become a knight soon enough.”
I let out another dry laugh at her words.
“I’d really like to know whose idea that was.”
It was hard to believe the nanny had come up with such a naive thought all on her own.
They say your position shapes who you become.
Maybe that young man who once pitied Cecilia saw her fighting back, and thought he should try to rise too.
It wouldn’t be so strange.
He was an adult, responsible for his own choices.
Making excuses for a grown man, saying he acted wrongly just because he was still clinging to his mother—it was ridiculous.
I could easily imagine the two of them sitting down together, planning all this.
I slipped the ring I’d forgotten to remove back onto my finger.
“We’re on the same boat, aren’t we?”
The nanny had always made her dislike of Lady Rosette clear, so like Sarah, there was no way she would ever take that side.
But because she still held the title of Cecilia’s nanny, she could never fully belong to Edgar’s side either.
Edgar would always question her loyalty.
“I consider you and Justin my allies.”
But I was the captain.
There couldn’t be more than one person steering the ship. If there were, it would only end up drifting off course and sinking.
“For you and Justin to do well, I have to succeed first.”
The nanny wasn’t a foolish woman.
She understood exactly what I was saying.
She needed to remember that a captain could replace their crew at any time.
All the talk of family didn’t change the fact that we were just allies—nothing more.
“You’ve changed, Miss…”
The nanny spoke softly, the shock clear in her voice.
“You once told me I was like a mother to you. You promised, no matter what happened, Justin and I would always be your family.”
That sounded like something Cecilia, desperate for love, would have said in the past.
“That was a long time ago.”
“A long time ago?”
“Yes. Before I died and came back.”
The ring slipped off my finger and rolled across the floor with a soft clink.
The nanny’s eyes followed it.
That ring was the only thing Cecilia had left from her birth mother.
Her diary said the nanny had hidden it away and planned to give it to her on her wedding day.
In truth, the ring was less of a connection to her birth mother and more of a symbol of the bond between her and the nanny.
“I’ve changed, Nanny.”
I didn’t pick the ring up.
“If I hadn’t changed, I wouldn’t be standing here now.”
The nanny pressed her lips tightly together.
“Do you miss the old me? But the old me could never have pulled you out of the Rosette estate, or made Justin into Sir Juan’s errand boy.”
By giving up her position as Edgar’s wife, she had regained a small, but undeniable authority as the Countess of Linton.
Thanks to the success of the dinner party, she had earned the favor of Josephine and Marchioness Federica.
When the laughable scandal involving Justin broke out, she had been able to confidently convince Edgar—because the old Cecilia had died.
“You were happy when I finally came to my senses. I thought you, Nanny, welcomed the new me too.”
If what she wanted was the old Cecilia—the girl who had once desperately clung to the tiniest scrap of affection—then she should be ready to give back everything she had gained from her.
“Don’t worry, Nanny.”
The vague, hollow affection the nanny had always offered Cecilia was no longer enough to be part of any deal.
“If you do your job well, I’ll give you what you deserve in return.”
“You mean… keeping an eye on Sarah.”
“That, and knowing your place. That matters too.”
A faint tremble passed beneath the nanny’s eyes.
“I always thought of you as my daughter. I cherished you more than my own child.”
“More than Justin?”
She didn’t hesitate. She nodded.
“How touching. But I’ve changed. I’m not the same. I’ve become greedy, and I’ve grown suspicious. What if I asked you to prove you love me more—by sending Justin far away? Would you still give me the same answer?”
Cecilia had been an only child. What she had longed for was a mother’s love—not the affection of a brother she never had.
“I used to envy Justin, Nanny.”
The lie came easily.
“You know how badly I wanted a mother of my own. Just like how Lady Rosette loves Isla, I wanted someone who loved only me.”
I gently placed my hands over hers, which were nervously wringing the edge of her apron.
“Can you do that for me? Be my mother? If you do, I’ll be a good daughter. I’ll please Edgar. I’ll even get you a house of your own.”
I whispered with a hopeful, almost childlike voice.
“But you must never see Justin again. Not even wonder how he’s doing. If you can do that… I’ll be truly happy, Nanny.”
They say a lie is never made of lies alone. And what I said now was the same.
Even though I knew I was asking something she couldn’t accept, there was still a part of me that meant it.
I had lived my life believing no one would ever cherish someone like me. But if it was all just a fantasy I created, maybe it was safer. If it was a lie of my own making, then it couldn’t break. I could enjoy it without fear.
“How could you say that? A mother loves all her children. They say no finger feels less pain when bitten.”
It was the ending I had expected. I let go of her hands and stepped back.
“Still, some fingers are easier to lose.”
To the nanny, Cecilia was probably like a ring on her finger—nice to wear, comforting even—but not something she’d grieve if it was gone.
If my mother—my real mother—had wanted me and died with regret, then maybe I would have been happy being that ring.
But the nanny wasn’t my mother. And to the one who had given birth to me, I had been a chain—tightening around her neck.
“Like I said—if you do your job well, you’ll be properly rewarded.”
Once I reclaimed Cecilia’s inheritance and finalized the divorce from Edgar, I had already planned to give the nanny her share.
Even if Justin never became a knight, I could make sure they lived comfortably.
“To be honest, you don’t have much of a choice. If you stay with me, a secure future awaits. If you don’t… you risk being used, and then discarded with nothing.”
The nanny wasn’t foolish.
Though her lips trembled with frustration, she could still face the truth.
“If you no longer see me as your nanny, then let me say one last thing. I understand why you’ve changed. But if you go on like this… you’ll end up living the rest of your life completely alone.”
She said it in a bitter voice, glaring at me, but I didn’t care.
Loneliness had been my lifelong companion. Or maybe “shadow” was the better word.
It had followed me for so long that its absence would feel strange—wrong, even.
“Well. Now that we’ve come to an understanding, I’ll give you a more important task.”
I lowered my voice and gave her the real assignment.
“The inheritance?”
She gasped.
“I told you—that was Lady Rosette’s doing!”
“And yet… I think Edgar might be involved too.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
I frowned.
“Martha.”
At the sound of her name, she flinched.
Just a moment ago, our relationship had ended.
Cecilia’s nanny was no more. Now, she was just Martha.
“If you think I’m wrong, prove it. Bring me evidence.”
“Miss—”
“Madam.”
I corrected her in a cold voice. Martha swallowed hard.
“Madam. What I meant was, the Count is an honorable man. He wouldn’t work with that stepmother.”
“If you’re going to work for Edgar, say it now. You haven’t left this room yet. This is your last chance to back out of our deal.”
Martha’s eyes shifted across the carpet, unsettled. She was torn.
I tapped the vanity with my fingers as I waited.
“I’ll look into it.”
“Tonight, I’ll review the ledgers and give you further instructions. For now, find out where Lady Rosette moved my inheritance. Focus on whether it’s all still there—or if some of it has disappeared.”
The House of Linton had once been wealthy, but over time, its fortune had faded.
Then Edgar had inherited the title and supposedly rebuilt the estate.
I needed to see the ledgers. I wanted to know—did his rise begin before marrying Cecilia, or only after?
“I also want to know who Edgar’s been meeting.”
If Cecilia’s dowry had been used to revive the Linton family, then I had every right to take it back.
From outside, I heard the sound of a carriage arriving.
Ever since I was invited by Marchioness Federica, Edgar had started coming home early—eager to share dinners, trying to make use of my connections.
It was laughable, how desperate he looked.
If someone like him had made shady deals with Lady Rosette over Cecilia’s inheritance, I wouldn’t be surprised at all.
