Chapter 25
The embarrassment was fleeting. Seo Yohan, who had seen her completely undressed just a few days ago, was now blushing and shy, and the sight was so amusing that a laugh escaped through the cracks of her lips.
“Alright, alright. I won’t do it.”
At that, Yohan let go of her hand and finally met her eyes. In that instant, a mischievous urge rose in Heena, and she once again grabbed the front of her t-shirt and stretched it far forward. Yohan’s eyes grew wider than ever before. Then, he quickly grabbed Heena’s hand again and straightened her clothes.
“What are you doing?”
“Just because. It’s funny seeing you get embarrassed.”
Yohan furrowed his brow, as if he’d just heard the most ridiculous sophistry.
“Didn’t you say I’ve gotten tastier since you last saw me? Didn’t you say you still like it when I press down here? You had no problem saying things like that, but now this is embarrassing?”
“That was when we were alone. What if other people see!”
“It’s just the two of us here now, too.”
“No, what I mean is….”
Yohan, unlike his usual self, was rambling. He said that place was a house only the two of them could enter, whereas here, other people could barge in at any moment, so she should be careful. She couldn’t understand why this tall, big-bodied guy looked so cute.
Cu… te? Where, exactly?
Heena, who had been grinning, immediately stiffened her lips upon hearing her inner voice. She scrutinized Seo Yohan’s features from every angle, but his looks were closer to handsome and good-looking than cute.
Well, now. Handsome? You’ve lost your mind, Jeong Heena.
To Heena, all men in the world were divided into two categories: men who could be seen as men, and men who shouldn’t be seen as men. Seo Yohan belonged to the latter. She shouldn’t forget the fact that he was an ex-boyfriend with whom she was so terribly incompatible that they fought at least once a day.
But ever since returning to Jinhong-ri, Seo Yohan had been lingering on the borderline between the two categories, constantly crossing back and forth. No. Heena shook her head, trying to push him firmly into the “shouldn’t be seen as a man” category. Once a no, always a no. She had to be certain.
Yohan stood behind Heena and untied the knot of her apron.
“What, what are you doing now?”
A startled Heena tried to turn around, but he pulled on the two strings with both hands, forcing her to suck in a sharp breath.
“I’m going to tie it tight so you can’t pull a stunt like that again.”
“It was just a joke.”
“And if possible, I’d like to tie it so tight you can’t even speak.”
“I- I really can’t breathe!”
“Seeing as you’re still blabbering away just fine, we’re far from it.”
Yohan placed his knee against Heena’s backside and pulled the knot tight. Her waist truly became a single handful. Even to her own eyes, it was amazing that all her organs could fit in there.
Yohan even snatched the trash bag from Heena’s hand and went outside the vinyl greenhouse by himself. Heena, sucking in her stomach, scurried after him.
✦⋆🍒.₊ ⊹
In the front yard of Seo Yohan’s house, there was a wooden swing where one could sit and soak up the sun. The wooden swing, moving in a steady pattern, was the perfect napping spot. Today, too, she had been enjoying a sunbath while sitting on the wooden swing and had dozed off.
“Do I have to say it for you to know? You can guess how I feel.”
The Seo Yohan in her dream glared at Heena with fierce eyes, questioning her.
“How am I supposed to know if you don’t say it? Tell me in your own words what upset you so much.”
“The fact that you were messaging your publishing house CEO the entire time we were eating, that you didn’t make eye contact with me once, that you weren’t listening to what I was saying. Do I have to spell out every single one of these little things for you to know?”
Her head throbbed.
“I told you in advance that I was busy today. And yet you’re the one who came over on your own two feet, saying you’d make me a meal. And I wasn’t ignoring you. You were worried about what to do because you lack extracurricular experience on your record. Am I wrong? That’s why I told you, from your freshman year, to prepare in advance….”
“Is being right or wrong what’s important right now? Do you really feel like nagging in this situation?”
“Then what is important?”
“I hate that you can’t even focus on me for the one hour we have together. You’re making me upset over trivial things, right now.”
Ah, this is driving me crazy, really. Heena ran a hand through her hair and pressed her tongue into the inside of her cheek.
“I told you not to press your tongue into your cheek like that.”
She was so beyond angry and into disbelief that a laugh burst out.
“Are you going to keep acting like a child?”
“Are you going to keep treating me like a child? And why are you laughing? Is this situation funny to you?”
“I’m laughing because it’s so absurd and ridiculous. I told you not to nitpick every little thing. If I were to list the things I don’t like about you, it would be endless.”
“List them, then.”
“We’d have to stay up all night.”
“Fine, let’s stay up all night then.”
“This is why I say you’re like a child! How many times have I told you I’m busy today?”
“Then go dump this ‘young kid’ and pick up some ‘grown-up’ to date.”
An angry Yohan grabbed his jacket, which was slung over the sofa, and stormed out of the house. She felt completely drained.
So exhausting, really….
From light, bickering quarrels to serious, heavy arguments. They fought almost every single day. It was a wonder they had even dated for as long as they had.
Perhaps because they grew up together, when Seo Yohan wasn’t in her daily life, it felt empty and lonely in its own way. When he went to the military, she had tried her best to act brave, but how much had she cried while looking at the group photo taken at the training center?
‘Our Yohan… he can’t suffer…. What if he comes back with that beautiful face all ruined….’ she had thought.
She had even once filed a civil complaint on the national petition website, arguing that handsome men, a rarity in the Republic of Korea, should be exempt from military service.
A relationship where they spent all their time together bickering, and when they were apart, they missed each other so much they bawled their eyes out. Could this relationship truly be called one of a couple?
“Sleeping again, sleeping again. Just change your name to ‘Ttoja.’ Jeong Ttoja!”
(T/N: ‘Tto ja’ means ‘sleeping again’ in Korean.)
The same voice from her dream woke Heena up. As she forced her eyes wide to pretend she hadn’t been sleeping, another thick crease formed above her double eyelid.
“I wasn’t sleeping.”
“You were talking in your sleep, what kind of denial is that?”
Yohan, who had approached her, stood with his back to the sun. At that, her eyes, which had been struggling to open properly against the direct sunlight, grew accustomed to the shade, and her vision became clear.
It was no exaggeration to say that this kindness ingrained in his body had become a habit because of her. When they were younger, she used to order him around no differently than she did Jeong Heetae.
“Seo Yohan! Come over here.”
“What.”
“Go stand over there.”
“Here?”
“No, one big step to the side. Right, there. Block the sun for me there while I take a nap.”
“You psycho….”
“What? What did you just say to your nuna!”
“…I didn’t say anything.”
When he was in the throes of puberty, he had rebelled by glaring at her, but she paid it no mind and kept ordering him around, so he soon got used to it.
The thought that he might win another woman’s favor with this kindness, with these manners that she herself had created, made her blood boil and her stomach twist into knots.
“Are you like this with other women, too?”
Yohan, as if he understood at once, turned his head to look at the sun he was blocking, then turned back to face Heena head-on.
“What if I am?”
“…Are you, really?”
“What does it matter?”
He had a point. Their relationship was already over, so what did it matter if he was like this with other women?
Although she knew Yohan’s words were right, she couldn’t help but feel a little hurt. At times like these, she wanted to borrow his words. Things like, ‘I’m hurt! Do I have to say it for you to know? Is being right or wrong what’s important right now?’.
Heena swallowed the words she wanted to say and got up from the swing, stomping into the house.
Right, an ex-boyfriend is just an ex-boyfriend, sex is just sex, and Seo Yohan is just Seo Yohan. I shouldn’t needlessly assign meaning to things, and there’s nothing to assign meaning to anyway. Let’s not make things complicated.
The moment emotions get involved, something goes wrong with one’s thinking. Heena was the type who was most wary of that. She had to clearly separate thought and emotion. Only then could she think normally. Going crazy for love, doing things you wouldn’t normally do because of love, being so in love you could die—these were things that could never happen in Heena’s life.
Yohan, who had followed her in, placed a hand on Heena’s shoulder.
“Jeong Ttoja.”
“What.”
Heena tried her best to reply as if nothing was wrong, but a response more blunt than she intended came out, surprising even herself.
“I’m not like this with other women.”
“……”
“I’m only like this with you.”
She couldn’t bring herself to turn around. It was because her heart was pounding as if it would leap out of her mouth. If she looked at his face head-on, she felt she wouldn’t be able to hide her expression. And even if she did hide it, there was no way Seo Yohan wouldn’t notice.
Why do you keep making my heart flutter, why.
She couldn’t come up with a clear answer as to whether the problem was Seo Yohan, who made her heart flutter over nothing, or herself, who got flustered over nothing.
“So you, psycho, you should also say that you only show your chest to me.”
