Chapter 049

I swallowed hard, thinking, “Well, of course,” and shook my head.

Yes, it was always like this.

Whenever I asked for his name or where he learned magic, he would cleverly dodge the question in a playful manner, just like now.

As the hearty laughter that filled the office began to fade, Joy cleared his throat a few times and quietly approached me to start a conversation.

“By the way, customer. Do you have any aches or pains lately?”

“Aches?”

When I looked at him with a puzzled expression, Joy shrugged his shoulders and replied.

“No, just asking. It’s like a greeting, you know.”

“I don’t think so. I’ve never had great stamina since I was young, so I’ve had my share of minor illnesses, though.”

“Hmm, since you were young…?”

Joy trailed off with a strange tone, responding with a lifeless voice that it must have been tough.

I couldn’t understand his behavior, but knowing the peculiar nature of magicians, I just let it be.

After finishing up the paperwork, I turned to Joy, who was still lying on the sofa, looking serious.

“Hey, Joy. I have a question.”

“What is it?”

Seeing my serious expression, Joy suddenly teased me not to set the mood too seriously.

I lightly ignored his comment and, with a voice just as serious as my expression, asked him a question.

“About the potions you were selling. Is there one that alleviates mental pain?”

“Suddenly? What would you need that for?”

Joy tilted his head in confusion.

“Are you having a headache or something?”

It was understandable that he was curious about my sudden inquiry about such a potion.

“No, not for me…”

After pausing for a moment, I opened my mouth again with a heavy heart.

“There are people in the territory suffering from trauma due to the war.”

As I finished speaking, I recalled the scene I witnessed when I went outside the castle with Evan.

People who had completely lost their will to live or were barely surviving, having given up after the devastation of the war.

Even after returning to the castle that day, their faces had not left my mind.

“I want to help them, even just a little, and you came to mind.”

“Why me?”

“More precisely, the potions you make.”

In my constant contemplation of how to alleviate the pain of others, my past suddenly came to mind.

When I was eleven, I had an accident while visiting the kingdom, and for a time, I wore the same expression as those people.

One day, after repeatedly locking myself in my room and spending each day meaninglessly, my mother made me drink a calming potion she had somehow obtained.

In truth, like all potions, its effects were minimal, and it only provided a brief lift in mood when consumed. But looking back now, it was quite a good method.

Because gradually, I started to step outside, and later, I even went to a party for children with my mother and Cesar.

‘Oh, I remember meeting Delos for the first time back then.’

As I traced back my memories, I recalled my forgotten first encounter with Delos.

‘Hey. You’re Lady Feldro, right? Is it fun just sitting in the corner like that? Come play with me instead.’

By the time I was able to go outside, I still found it hard to interact with others, and Delos was the first person to approach me.

Every time Delos saw me, he would take my hand and show me around the party venue.

It was perhaps only natural that I would develop feelings for Delos, who approached me without pity and treated me normally.

‘I only realized the true nature of that guy much later, but by then it was already far too late.’

“Customer. Why did you stop talking?”

Lost in thoughts of the past for a moment, I snapped back to reality at Joy’s call.

“The potions I make? Just to let you know, my potions aren’t miracle cures. They’re just a bit more effective compared to regular magical potions.”

“I’m not expecting a miracle cure. Can you make a potion that can help?”

He may say it’s not that great, but the potions he creates have a much stronger effect on people’s minds than typical magical potions.

I could vouch for that, having experienced it firsthand.

“I’ve even experienced it myself.”

If the potion has such effects, it would surely help people, so I was in desperate need of Joy’s assistance.

“Well, I can make it, but…”

“Really?”

I was about to get up in excitement at Joy’s words.

Joy, with a low rumble in his throat, lightly fiddled with his chin before speaking.

“But do those people really want that? You know how hard it is to be trapped between life and death, unable to die?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Look closely, customer.”

Then, with Joy’s sudden action, I was left speechless.

He picked up a cookie from the table and crushed it in his hand, turning it into crumbs.

“What are you doing?”

As I watched the shattered remnants scatter messily across the table with trembling eyes, a low voice came from in front of me.

“The mental state of those people is like the state of this cookie. It’s nearly destroyed. Trying to piece it together clumsily like this will only lead to it breaking apart easily again.”

In short, it would be a futile effort.

His tone was as if he was convinced, as if he had actually experienced it himself.

After finishing his words with a nonchalant expression, Joy lightly moved his hand to brush off the crumbs stuck to it.

Watching this entire scene, I found it difficult to speak.

I couldn’t believe that Joy, who had always seemed like a somewhat mysterious but not necessarily bad person, was speaking so callously about the struggles of others.

“…Aren’t you being a bit too certain, Joy? Have you ever felt what those people are going through?”

My voice slipped out sharply, unbidden by his cold demeanor.

“And if I have? Would that mean I would do anything? I’m just letting you know in advance that there’s no way things will turn out as you expect. I’m worried you’ll be disappointed later.”

His tone was so flat that it sent chills down my spine, and I felt my mind grow cold.

I stood directly in front of Joy, looking him in the eye.

I couldn’t tell what kind of expression he had while looking at me, but judging by his tightly pressed lips, it was certainly not a pleasant one.

“When you lose your will to live, time feels incredibly fleeting from that moment on. As you spend endless, meaningless time like that, you eventually start to think.”

“…”

“What’s the point of living like this? Wouldn’t it be better to just die?”

After finishing my last sentence, I took a deep breath to steady myself.

“But even when you want to die, you end up holding on until the very end. I didn’t realize it myself, though.”

I could feel my voice trembling slightly due to the emotions welling up inside me.

From the middle of my speech, it became a reflection of my own past rather than that of the territory’s residents.

‘As someone who has lost a precious family and the meaning of life, I can offer at least this much help.’

Recalling the past, when I would cry every day until I was exhausted and ultimately felt no emotions at all, I gathered my thoughts and continued speaking.

“I don’t want to completely return those people to their state before the war. I just want to offer a small ladder to those who are still holding on to life.”

Of course, the choice to climb up or not is up to them.

Finishing my words with a choked expression, I looked directly at Joy.

If he refused, I had no intention of pushing any further.

However, as I mentioned earlier, I planned to proceed with my plans regardless.

The effects might be less than those of the potions he created, but bringing in potions available on the market would still yield some results.

“…I’m really tired after working a lot today. I think I’ll head out for now, customer.”

After hearing my words, Joy stood in silence for a while before finally turning to leave.