Chapter 039
That night.
Having barely eaten dinner, I lay down on the bed, trying to fall asleep.
Swish.
Evan also settled onto the bed behind me.
It seemed that he had no work to do tonight.
Lying in the darkened room, staring at the ceiling, I quietly spoke up.
“Evan, can I ask you something?”
“What is it?”
He replied immediately, indicating that he was still awake.
I chewed my lip, hesitating, but then gathered my courage and asked him.
“What was the battlefield like?”
“That’s not something you would want to hear about before going to sleep.”
Though it was dark and I couldn’t see him, I could imagine him frowning at my question.
He had already heard from Caelan why I had cried earlier, so he didn’t say anything else.
“Can’t you tell me…?”
I pressed him again.
How long did the silence last?
His low voice finally echoed in the dark room.
“It’s a dark place that only smells of blood. It was common to see dismembered limbs lying around, with no way to tell whose they were.”
“….”
“You had to kill others every day, because if you didn’t kill them first, you would be the one who died.”
As he spoke in a flat tone, my complexion grew increasingly pale.
Hearing it directly from him revived the emotions I felt outside the plaza earlier.
“Was it… very hard?”
As I listened, I turned to face him.
In the dim light, I could barely make out his shape and couldn’t tell what expression he wore.
“I’ve never thought about that.”
Evan paused for a moment before replying in the same flat tone.
Not a yes or no, but that he had never thought about it.
Had he been living so intensely each day that he didn’t have the space for such thoughts?
I couldn’t help but think of the people I had seen outside the market square earlier that day.
They must have survived in the same way.
Lost in deep thought, I composed myself and subtly asked him, “What if… what if war breaks out again?”
“Well, if that happens, we’ll have to go back to the battlefield. There’s no other choice.”
His response was surprisingly bland, making my earlier tension feel trivial.
“That was a really stupid question.”
I let out a self-deprecating laugh.
As he said, if war broke out again, many people would be forced back to the battlefield before their wounds had even healed.
After lying in silence for a while, I heard his voice again from the other side.
“There won’t be another war, so stop imagining gloomy scenarios and get some sleep. Why are you making things hard on yourself?”
Though his tone was far from tender, hearing him made me feel strangely at ease.
“You’re right. It won’t happen anymore.”
I couldn’t finish my sentence and fell silent.
The long, seemingly endless war had finally come to an end. Who would dare imagine that war would break out again?
I turned to face the window, staring blankly at the faint moonlight coming through the gaps.
‘No matter what happens, I must prevent it.’
In a year, Delos would rise to the throne and reignite that war.
I couldn’t bear the thought of it happening again, and I wanted to do everything in my power to prevent it.
***
The next day.
I sat at my desk in the office, lost in deep thought.
Despite my solemn resolution to prevent the war, there was little I could actually do.
“All I can do is foresee what’s to come.”
The emperor’s death, Delos’s ascension, and the war.
Even knowing the future, it seemed there was nothing I could do to intervene or change it.
As I organized the major events that would unfold, my expression grew increasingly grim.
“My father doesn’t have much time left.”
If the future I knew began to unfold, the first thing that would happen was my father’s death.
Two months after marrying Delos, my father died in a carriage accident while heading out as part of the kingdom’s delegation.
When I heard the news, I went to see him but was turned away at the door.
Cesar wouldn’t let me in because I had severed ties with my family to marry Delos.
“That’s understandable.”
I couldn’t even understand why I had done what I did back then, so how could others?
“A carriage accident can be prevented, so I’m sure I can stop it.”
There were many ways to prepare, like maintaining the carriage or taking an alternate route, which eased my mind a bit.
“…Can I really prevent it?”
Yet, a sense of unease lingered in my heart, no matter how hard I tried to shake it off.
What if, despite my efforts, the future doesn’t change?
Though I had altered the future by being here in the Duchy of Ballestain, there was no guarantee that things would change moving forward.
Maybe it was because I kept having negative thoughts.
After a long time, the headache I had been free of returned.
As I rubbed my temples and sighed softly, I heard a knock.
“Madam! I’ve brought tea and snacks.”
It was Lucy, the older of my twin maids, entering with a tray.
“I was worried when you didn’t come out this morning. I hope both you and the Duke take the time to eat properly while you work.”
“Oh, has it already gotten this late?”
Turning my head to look out the window, I realized lunch had long passed.
“Madam, are you feeling unwell? You don’t look good.”
As Lucy set the snacks in front of me, she carefully examined my face.
“I think it’s just that I’ve been sitting too long, and it’s making me feel stuffy.”
I forced a smile, took a sip of the tea she had set down, and replied.
“Then how about going for a short walk? The weather outside is lovely!”
Lucy’s eyes sparkled as she suggested this.
“I suppose you’re right. I should take a walk and clear my head.”
Honestly, I wasn’t particularly inclined to go out, but considering Lucy’s kindness, I decided to take a short walk.
As I savored the tea, I decided to go for a walk as she suggested.
I left the room without thinking and headed towards the walking path I had taken before.
As Lucy said, the weather was nice, and the cool breeze made my headache, which had been bothering me earlier, feel better.
As I walked, admiring the scenery around the castle, something suddenly flew toward me and struck the ground.
Thud.
“Ugh! Why throw it so far?”
I looked down and saw a wooden toy that had been broken into two pieces.
“I didn’t know! It’s broken now.”
“I didn’t throw it that hard.”
The voices I had heard grew closer, and soon three children appeared in front of me.
They looked to be around six years old.
“Waaah! What do we do… Oh, who are you?”
The children, initially focused on the broken toy, widened their eyes when they noticed me standing there.
They seemed to be the children of the servants living in the castle.
“Um, hello?”
I greeted them with a slight smile, sensing they didn’t yet recognize my face.
The girl on the far left looked at me with shining eyes and said,
“Wow… Your hair looks like the moon. It shines!”
She pointed at my hair with her small, delicate hand and asked the boys beside her if they thought the same.
“Yeah. It’s super white. But who are you?”
“Do you live here too?”
The other two children also gazed at me with curious eyes, bombarding me with questions.
After seeing the castle’s servants, who were always so formal and polite, I couldn’t help but smile at the children’s innocent and carefree behavior.
midori
thanks! i appreciate that there is almost every chapter where the male and female lead have a scene together!