Chapter  19: I Love You

Time in the West passed smoothly, just as Liam had meticulously planned.

Every view he showed her was breathtakingly beautiful. Even the anxiety over how quickly time was slipping by was forgotten in moments. Eden found herself genuinely enjoying her time in the West.

Dressed in modest clothing like a commoner, wandering through the night market made her feel as though she’d returned to her innocent childhood, when she still knew nothing of the world.

While Eden blended in fairly well among the crowd, Liam, even in plain clothes, stood out unmistakably. His natural air of arrogance and nobility was impossible to hide.

“At this rate, what’s the point of dressing like a commoner? You’re far too conspicuous.”

“Indeed. Even in such clothes, you shine. They suit you.”

“I wasn’t talking about myself…”

“People will probably just think some noble lady snuck out for a stroll. Don’t worry about it, Eden.”

Though all eyes were on Liam, he strode through the streets unbothered, as if it didn’t faze him in the slightest. Eden, holding his hand in silence, could only smile at the joy so clearly painted across his face.

Only after they’d browsed every stall in the market and each slipped on a beaded bracelet said to make lovers stay together forever, did Liam finally turn back. 

His focus on sightseeing over state affairs left the officials traveling with them looking increasingly gaunt by the day. Only after extracting multiple promises from Liam that he’d concentrate on work once back in the North could Eden finally relax… just a little.

Now lying diagonally across the bed, one arm propping up his head, Liam looked down at her with a gaze full of protest. When Eden pretended not to notice and lay flat with her eyes closed, he let out a small sigh.

The romantic candlelight flickering around the room seemed wasted on her early attempt at sleep. He clearly wasn’t pleased.

“Sometimes, you remind me of my mother.”

At Liam’s abrupt comment, Eden’s tightly shut eyes flew open. He looked down at her with a wry smile.

“In what way?”

“You look at me like I’m a child. I didn’t realize it at first, but you nag quite a bit. Come to think of it, your father was like that too. The Duke was a rather strict teacher, though not nearly as terrifying as you.”

Liam playfully pinched the tip of her nose and let go. The unexpected twinge brought a helpless laugh to Eden’s lips.

Looking up at him with mock defiance, Eden asked, “Are you afraid of me?”

“Didn’t you know? You’re the only thing in this world I’m afraid of, Eden.”

His lips brushed lightly against the tip of her nose. As he slowly pulled away, he whispered low.

“What scares me most… is you not being by my side.”

Eden flinched. He probably hadn’t meant it the way it sounded, but his words pierced her heart like a thorn.

“…You sure that’s not just me nagging you to do your work?”

“That’s terrifying too.”

Eden forced a smile as she answered, but her fingertips had already turned ice-cold.

 Even as her voice stiffened, Liam remained unbothered, a lazy smile on his lips.

“Actually, I quite like it. You’re so adorably grumpy when you nag. It might be your best attempt at looking intimidating, but really–”

“Liam!”

With a mischievous grin, Liam pulled her into his arms and began to tickle her sides.

 Eden, ever ticklish, squirmed and twisted in a futile attempt to escape. Then he left a teasing bite on her shoulder.

“Yes, I love it when you say my name like that.”

Unable to resist, Eden burst into laughter. Pleased, Liam gently brushed back her disheveled hair with great care.

As always, his touch was rough and clumsy, but as her heart, which had been racing in anxious panic, slowly returned to a steady rhythm, Eden found herself relaxing into him.

“I like you.”

Liam’s voice echoed clearly through the quiet room.

The raw weight of his sincerity made Eden uncomfortable. 

When she bit her lower lip out of habit, he tapped it gently with a finger to stop her.

Then he smiled with a glint in his eye, lifting one corner of his lips in a smooth, seductive arc.

“Hm? Eden.”

His full weight pressed down on her, heavy yet strangely comforting.

Eden patted his back softly. He kissed her lightly and murmured, “So please, like me too.”

The emotion in Liam’s gaze as he looked down at her was painfully transparent. Even if she didn’t want to see it, she couldn’t help but understand it. And that made it harder.

Meeting his earnest eyes, Eden spoke each word with quiet resolve.

“I like you… even now.”

“Then keep teaching me. Until I stop being afraid.”

“…With your whole body, right?”

It was easier not to think. Not to accept the full weight of his truth, but to simply rest in his arms.

Eden brushed the back of her hand gently across his bare chest in a mock-playful way. Liam gave a faint nod, smiling.

“…Yes. With your whole body.”

“And all night long.”

Liam looked down at her, eyes filled with heat. In one swift motion, he pulled her atop him. Eden’s eyes widened in surprise.

“All night long. Teach me everything… one to ten.”

Sitting up at a slant, he cupped the back of her neck gently.

In the eyes that always shimmered with desire for her, other complex emotions now began to surface, one by one. His eyes, now tinged with red, made Eden’s heart lurch violently, like a windowpane rattling in a storm.

As Liam’s present face slowly overlapped with the Liam from her previous life, Eden’s stomach turned.

‘No.’

Her rational mind screamed in warning. Her pupils quivered like candle flames in the wind. A shudder ran through her. A bitter sense of defeat.

‘Get it together, Eden. What are you even thinking?’

She forced a smile, pretending it was nothing.

The man before her was still far too strong. A crack she hadn’t even realized existed, he’d slithered into it like a serpent and coiled himself inside. While Eden’s eyes grew cold, Liam’s gaze remained full of love, trailing softly over her eyes, her nose, her lips.

Their kisses, now routine, tasted briny like she’d swallowed seawater. She gently traced the constellation of scars across his body with her fingertips. Liam flinched under her cautious touch.

“That must’ve hurt a lot.”

“…Probably. I barely remember now.”

“That’s how it is. No matter how deep the wound, time dulls the pain. The scars remain, but the pain fades.”

“Don’t look. They’re hideous.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Eden kissed a deep scar on his shoulder. A pained sound escaped through Liam’s teeth.

As he clung to her, desperate, Eden whispered softly, “They’re not hideous.”

Not even a little. That was the problem.

A single tear slipped down her cheek. Startled, Liam cupped her face with both hands and locked eyes with her.

“Did I hurt you?”

His gentle question shattered her heart.

Eden couldn’t answer. She said nothing, made no expression and just let the tears fall. Liam stared at her with worried eyes.

‘Yes, you tore me apart. How can you not remember? I’m still in pieces.’

But in that moment, the person Eden hated most wasn’t him.

“…Love you.”

“Hm?”

It was her own heart still helplessly bound to him. Tears streamed endlessly down her cheeks. Her trembling lips parted slowly.

“I love you, Liam.”

Her voice was hoarse, like the words had been torn from her.

Liam stared at her, stunned. His face, frozen like stone, twisted with emotions too complex to name. And as Eden watched him, the strength drained from her body.

Everything was clear now.

She loved him. Still. Desperately.

Whether she’d gotten drunk on his sweet affection, or had always loved him without knowing, she couldn’t say. It didn’t matter. Her vision blurred.

‘I have to run. I have to get away.’

That was the first thought that surfaced once she acknowledged her feelings.

Loving him did not mean forgiving him.

She couldn’t understand him. She couldn’t pretend nothing had happened and just be happy. She still hated him to death. And she wanted him to hurt the way she had.

Even if it was all meaningless, she couldn’t let go of her revenge.

‘If I stay by your side like this…’

With her face buried in Liam’s chest, Eden thought:

Then I’ll live with the part of me that wants to hold you, alongside the part of me that wants to choke you.

Seeing you happy will make me both joyful and miserable.

I’ll hate you in fleeting moments. I’ll shudder at the sight of you. But I won’t be able to show it.

I’ll never understand you. And you’ll never understand me.

And more than anything…

“I love you, too.”

…I don’t think I’ll ever be able to love the version of myself that loves you.

Eden no longer doubted Liam’s sincerity. He loved her. Maybe he had for a long time, without realizing it.

“I love you, Eden.”

But that wasn’t enough.

It was their final night.

* * *

“Liam, are you asleep?”

“No.”

Neither had gotten proper sleep the night before. They were both half-dozing in the carriage. While they nodded off, the carriage had already crossed into the northern border. The wild jolting of the wheels made that clear.

Eden, unlike the groggy Liam, stared out at the scenery of the North, anxiety burning deep in her chest.

As he leaned his head gently on her shoulder, she watched him for a long moment then decided to ask what had been weighing on her mind.

“If it were you, Liam, which would you choose?”

Liam chuckled at the sudden question. He motioned with his chin for her to go on.

“The first choice: You’re unbelievably happy, but you have to pay for that happiness with intense pain later. Maybe the pain will fade over time… but it will come, no matter what. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“The second choice: You’re never really happy, but never truly in pain either. You just… live. Day by day.”

Eden feigned cheerfulness, but her lips trembled with strain.

Liam frowned slightly, thinking it over.

“Can’t I be happy without the pain? I don’t like either option.”

“Nope.”

Eden shook her head firmly. Liam glanced at her, then replied in a flat tone.

“First one. You said the pain might fade eventually.”

Eden quickly added more conditions, flustered by his answer.

“What if it doesn’t fade? What if, for the price of a brief moment of happiness, you have to live in pain forever?”

“…Even then, the first one.”

He paused, then answered with quiet conviction. Eden tilted her head, surprised.

“Why? I thought you’d pick the second.”

“I would have… before. Without even thinking.”

Liam nodded.

“But the moment I realized I love you, every day I lived without this feeling started to feel like a waste.”

Eden blinked, dazed. He stared at her, then laced their fingers together tightly.

“I don’t know how much it’ll hurt. But Eden, you’re worth it.”

It was as though he’d read her very heart. Eden forgot to breathe. She forced a smile, pretending it was nothing.

“I see. That was a silly question. Sorry. We’ve still got a ways to go. Try and sleep a little.”

“And what about you?”

Liam’s voice cut in. His half-lidded eyes, still heavy with sleep, fixated on her.

“Hm?”

“What would you choose?”

Eden looked at him with trembling eyes. But now that the question had turned on her, she found she couldn’t answer at all.

“…Never mind. Don’t answer.”

Liam shook his head, brushing a finger gently across her cheek.

“You should be happy… without the pain.”