Chapter 12: Okarman

After a long back-and-forth, Liam finally agreed to sit quietly and go over the documents until dinner. He had no small amount of work to get through.

It was certainly a welcome shift that a new generation of young, innovative nobles had stepped in to fill the void left by the old guard, headed by the Marquis of Munach. But without someone to anchor them, the atmosphere remained uneasy and unstable.

Eden had made up her mind to do something she’d long put off.

“The weather’s nice today. How about a walk this afternoon?”

“I’m afraid I can’t. I already have other plans.”

“What plans?”

A fragment, one that remained unknown in both her past life and this one. A name she had never once looked back on: Okarman.

Today, Eden intended to confront that fragment. Whether it would prove to be a missing piece of herself or a meaningless shard better left buried, she couldn’t yet say.

“I’m planning to visit Duke Okarman’s estate.”

“Ah.”

Liam nodded without much comment.

Even if it didn’t stir strong emotion, it was still a place filled with childhood memories for Eden and where her parents’ graves were. The fact that she had never visited before now was perhaps the more curious thing.

“Would you like me to come with you?”

He asked the question gently, studying her face. Eden gave a soft smile and shook her head.

“No. I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll have flowers prepared. It’s the least I can do for your family.”

Liam gave a lazy flick of his fingers, smiling faintly in turn. The lightness in his voice helped settle Eden’s nerves. She hadn’t realized how tense she’d been until that moment. 

With a small nod, she replied, “Alright, Liam. I’ll tell my father you said hello.”

She kissed him lightly on the forehead and turned to leave. It was a peaceful moment, like any quiet, affectionate parting between lovers. And yet, Eden was preparing for a cruel goodbye.

* * *

After Eden’s father passed away, Duke Shrayden Okarman had inherited the title as head of the house in her stead. Though a sixth cousin, the interaction between him and Eden had been nearly nonexistent.

He was a quiet man. As the empire’s sole Duke, he might have been expected to attend events and build influence, but unless absolutely necessary, he rarely left his estate. It was said he had a son studying abroad, but the lack of news suggested the boy was much like his father in temperament.

Eden had never truly considered them family. She had received invitations from the Duke on occasion, but always found a suitable excuse to decline. Even when the Duchess passed away, Eden had sent someone in her place with flowers of condolence, nothing more.

So in the capital, the prevailing belief was that Eden harbored deep resentment toward the Duke for taking her rightful position as head of the family. It was said she hated him.

But Eden did not hate them. She bore them no grudge. On the contrary, she felt relieved to have been freed from the burdens of duty and responsibility.

The name ‘Okarman’ held no meaning or weight for her. She had always been just Eden, in this life and the one before.

“Wow… it hasn’t changed a bit.”

The imperial carriage rolled to a stop in front of the mansion, cutting through the garden with the royal crest gleaming on its side. As she looked up at the house, just as it had appeared in her faint memories, a wave of emotion surged in her chest.

Perhaps Liam had sent word in advance, Duke Shrayden was waiting for her in person. His hair had turned grayer since she last saw him, and time had aged him, but he still appeared dignified.

“Your Grace.”

“It’s been a long time, Lady Edenastie. I received your notice and have been awaiting your arrival.”

When she offered a polite greeting, he extended his hand with the utmost formality. Eden masked her surprise and accepted his escort. His courtesy seemed excessive, even toward a member of the household.

At his suggestion, Eden took a walk around the estate. He offered occasional commentary about the various parts of the mansion.

The place had been preserved as if time had stopped. Eden quietly marveled at the distant memories that surfaced with every corner she passed. Though the estate was too large to see in full, she paused in silence for a long while before the portrait of her late father, the previous Duke.

It was only after this that she was finally led to the drawing room and offered the seat of honor. She found herself slightly startled by the fact that she was now sitting across from the Duke, calmly meeting his gaze.

In her previous life, Eden had been deeply intimidated by him. She never knew what to say, and the watchful eyes that always trailed after him made her uncomfortable.

In her memory, he had radiated overwhelming authority. But now, sitting upright and facing her, he seemed merely like an ordinary middle-aged man. Feeling oddly disoriented, Eden looked away.

Fragrant tea and elegant confections were brought out and arranged before her, as if they’d been waiting. The quality rivaled even that of the palace.

“This smells wonderful. It’s a tea I like.”

Eden gave a gentle smile. A polite smile briefly crossed the Duke’s expressionless face. She turned her gaze back to the cup. It was the same tea she once drank with Julius.

“I’m glad you enjoy it. Was your journey here pleasant?”

“Yes, it was. And thank you for receiving me so graciously on such short notice.”

“The owner of House Okarman is you, Lady Eden. There is no need to thank me.”

Their eyes met again, steady, direct.

Though his hair had grayed and lines marked his face, his eyes remained sharp and clear, like a young man’s. Eden couldn’t fully read him, but she sensed no falsehood in his words.

“Duke Shrayden. The master of this estate is not me, but you, the current head of House Okarman.”

Eden replied firmly. For the first time, the composed lines of the Duke’s face wavered slightly. He rose and slowly began to speak. Though his voice was calm, it carried a subtle tremor.

“Lady Edenastie. I know full well what I am to you. Everything I have now should rightfully have been yours. And yet, I pretended otherwise. I convinced myself it was alright since this wasn’t by my own will. You were in the palace, after all. You could return anytime. I told myself it was the best for everyone.”

“I understand. The timing was unfortunate. I heard that those close enough to care for me had either passed away or were abroad. It must have been a sudden change for you, too. Who could have perfectly held it all together in such circumstances?”

“But it was still wrong.”

The Duke slowly knelt before her. Eden watched in silence as he bowed his head. He retrieved the family seal from inside his coat and held it out carefully. Eden reached out and took it wordlessly.

She stared down at the familiar crest engraved into the seal, her eyes narrowing.

“I wish to apologize. It’s far too late, but…”

“This is your apology?”

Eden cut him off and handed the seal back.

“Then I won’t accept it.”

“What do you want? I’ll do anything.”

As Eden rose and straightened her clothes, the Duke stepped in front of her in a panic. His blue eyes pleaded desperately, eyes that reminded her of her father’s.

Her whirlwind of thoughts suddenly settled. Everything became crystal clear.

‘Should I trust him?’

She stared at the Duke in silence. Maybe, just this once, it was worth placing some hope in him. Whatever his moral compass, his mind was sharp and his will firm. He was strong. The very fact that he had endured until now was proof enough.

“You said you’d do anything?”

Her voice was a little softer now. She hadn’t planned to storm out anyway. Eden began guiding him exactly where she wanted.

“Yes. I did.”

“Then would you die if I asked you to?”

“…Yes. I would.”

Even under that blade of a question, he did not waver. He bowed deeply, his voice resolute. Eden drew in a short breath. The air between them tightened, vibrating with tension.

She stepped closer and took his hand, pressing the seal into his palm. His eyes widened in surprise.

“Then hold onto that resolve. Step forward now. In the name of Okarman, do what an Okarman should. Stand beside His Majesty. Protect Cherott. The greatest wrong you committed wasn’t taking the title in my place, or neglecting a child. It was shirking your responsibilities as Duke. You let the likes of Marquis Munach take your seat. That’s what you must atone for.”

Eden spoke each word with measured force. Her mouth was dry. 

Their eyes locked, steady and unwavering. After a long pause, she continued, her voice low.

“…His Majesty is a capable ruler. But he is not unshakable. Everyone fears him, yes, but that’s all they feel. The throne is a lonely place. And people are at their weakest when they’re alone. You must be the one to anchor him. Keep him from breaking. Keep him from being destroyed beyond repair.”

Eden repeated the words silently to herself: This is all for Cherott.

Even if the day came when Liam was utterly ruined and her vengeance complete, she could not let the nation collapse with him. Her hopes of being his dear friend, his beloved, those dreams had already been crushed. But she still wanted to remain his most trusted vassal.

She would not take that from him. Liam may have been a terrible friend and a disastrous lover, but he was a competent ruler.

Pushing away the emotions that clung like mud, Eden added calmly, “Please, Duke.”

To Shrayden, she looked like someone who might vanish at any moment. The landscape hidden deep beneath her clear, fathomless eyes was something he could not even begin to imagine. He bowed in silence.

* * *

Eden’s steps came to a halt as she crossed the garden. She had asked for time alone, and the Duke had respectfully withdrawn. The waiting coachman handed her a large bouquet.

She paused at the entrance of the graveyard, unsure how to begin. It had been far too long.

With a deep breath, she hugged the flowers tightly to her chest and stepped forward, murmuring awkwardly, “Mother. Father. I’m here.”

The graves of the previous Duke and Duchess were well-tended. Not a speck of dust marred the headstones, someone had clearly taken care of them.

Eden stared at the names carved into the stone for a long time, guilt weighing heavy like a stone on her chest. She had always missed them. Their faces, their embrace, blurred though they were, she had always missed her family.

“I’m sorry. I’m so late. And maybe… I won’t be able to come again.”

She whispered as she laid the flowers down. This might very well be the last time. Once she left Cherott and crossed into Rodenberg, there might be no return.

She collapsed in front of the graves, hugging her knees tightly. Was it something about standing before one’s parents that made people revert to children?

She had planned to remain calm, to smile bravely, but the resolve began to crack. She fought to suppress the tide of emotion building inside her, but her hands trembled.

“Mother… Father… Am I doing okay? I don’t know anymore. I’m scared now.”

Of course, there was no reply.

Was it loneliness, fear, or longing? She couldn’t tell. Her chest ached with it. Tears stung her eyes.

But Eden clenched her teeth and swallowed them down. She didn’t want to cry. If she started, she felt she might never stop. It would brand her with the truth that she was alone in this world.

“I want to be happy. I really do… But I don’t know if I’m allowed. If it’s even possible.”

Everything felt overwhelming. She wished she could simply close her eyes and make it all disappear. She wanted to cry in her mother’s arms, arms she’d never known, but that she imagined were warm. But she knew that was impossible.

“Why… Why does everything have to be so hard?”

She pressed her palms gently over her eyes and whispered.

She wanted to grab the gods by the collar and demand answers. What was she supposed to do? How could she make this life matter? How was she supposed to fill this emptiness in her heart?

Liam. When he shattered completely… when she witnessed it with her own eyes… would she finally be able to let go? And then, what would she live for?

Eden’s thoughts spiraled, one after the other.