Chapter 57 : The Touch of Shadows, The Memory of Poison
❖ Chapter 57
Johannes Schulz’s gaze lingered upon the silken strands of hair sprawled before him like a midnight veil.
How could she be so utterly unaware?
As if she saw him not as a man but merely another shadow in the room, Edith always drifted into sleep without hesitation—unguarded, thoughtless, soft.
His body moved with the rhythm of her steady breaths, lulled by the rise and fall of her chest. She looked so serene. Too serene.
And yet, it was precisely that serenity that pierced him.
Tears welled suddenly in Johannes’ eyes—an ache too complex to name. Was it sorrow that she doubted him? Wounded pride that she didn’t respond?
‘Am I not allowed to be hurt by this?’
His eyes narrowed, unwillingly.
Of course, there should be no disappointment if Edith was merely fulfilling the role they had so deliberately agreed upon. A performance—nothing more—to maintain the delicate illusion of this ill-fated union.
But her words still gnawed at him.
So he’d acted pettily, without meaning to. Still… he hadn’t expected her indifference to be so painful.
‘Does she detest me so much… that my touch is unbearable?’
A low, bitter laugh escaped him.
And there she lay—fast asleep, while he wrestled with a storm inside.
He couldn’t sleep. Every time he shifted, her long hair trailed against his skin, brushing his arms like silk threaded with frost.
With slow, reverent fingers, Johannes reached toward her hair. He gently swept a strand aside. The sensation—it was soft, cool, achingly familiar.
Everything about her was gentle.
Her face. Her hands. Her breath. Her hair…
And his mind wandered to the memory of her lips—light, fragile, trembling.
“…Shit.”
He froze.
It was that precise moment she stirred, reacting to the sensation of his touch.
“Uhm…”
Still half-lost in sleep, Edith turned—wrapping slender arms around him, pressing her face into his chest.
Again.
That damned unconscious habit of hers.
The way she clung to him without knowing, as though he were a pillow—or worse, a stranger.
The contact was so bold, so absurd, that it seemed deliberate—like a cruel game meant to unnerve him.
Caught now in her embrace, Johannes carefully tried to extract his hand from beneath the cascade of her hair.
But then—
“…Hmm?”
Edith’s lashes fluttered.
Her eyes blinked in groggy confusion, before widening in horror when she realized she was practically draped over him.
His expression fractured.
“W-what is it…?!”
She bolted upright, checking her clothes with wide eyes, her gaze flicking to him in disbelief—as though he were the one at fault.
Johannes slowly sat up, sighing.
“I think I was the one who got assaulted, actually.”
“…What? But you were the one who held me…”
Was that… actual embarrassment on her face?
A rare sight indeed.
Johannes couldn’t help himself. The impulse to tease her further flickered.
“You turned over in your sleep and latched onto me. My arm nearly went numb.”
Her cheeks flushed a delicate shade of pink.
She pursed her lips, then—mortified—sprang out of bed and fled.
He chuckled.
Lately, a new and peculiar worry had begun to bloom in my mind.
The first: I could no longer meet Johannes’ gaze without remembering the shameful way I clung to him in my sleep.
The second… was stranger.
Since the injury to my head, strange memories—fragments of knowledge—had begun surfacing.
Memories that did not belong.
It felt like they were mine… yet I could not recall living them.
For instance—
“Ahin!”
I dashed down one of the castle paths, spotting Ahin crouched beside a patch of white blossoms. She was about to smell one.
Startled, I rushed forward and knocked the flower from her hand.
Ahin flinched, startled by my sudden intrusion.
“Milady…?”
“Don’t touch that. It’s hemlock. Every part of that plant is toxic. It can paralyze you—kill you, even.”
“…What?”
Ahin blinked at me, horrified.
“You didn’t eat any, right?”
“Of course not! Why would I eat flowers?!”
She threw up her hands in defense, trembling.
I helped her to her feet.
“Still, never touch it again. Even a small amount absorbed through the skin can be dangerous. And there’s no known antidote.”
“I thought it was a dandelion… I could’ve died,” she whispered, shaken.
“You didn’t rub your eyes? Or touch your mouth?”
“I—I might have, without thinking…”
Her face twisted, panic swelling.
“Oh no… Am I going to die?”
I quickly shook my head.
“No. Most severe symptoms only come from ingestion. You’ll be fine.”
I glanced at her nervously.
‘She mustn’t panic.’
“Let’s just wash your hands thoroughly.”
Hemlock poisoning often starts thirty minutes after exposure—blisters, nausea, dizziness… convulsions. Even respiratory failure.
But I wore gloves. She didn’t.
Her hands—calloused and raw from work—could’ve absorbed something.
Without hesitation, I pulled out my water flask and poured it over her hands.
“Here. Wash thoroughly.”
“I didn’t even know hemlock existed. It looked just like… dandelions.”
“Next time, be more cautious. I didn’t expect it to grow here either. I’ll point out any other dangerous ones so you’ll be safe.”
She nodded fervently.
There weren’t as many poisonous plants here as I feared, but still…
I pointed toward a patch of white mushrooms near a tree.
“That mushroom—poisonous too.”
“Huh? But… they always say poisonous mushrooms are bright and colorful. This one’s plain white.”
“Color doesn’t matter. That’s a Destroying Angel. One bite can kill.”
Ahin looked at me with wide, reverent eyes.
“You really know so much. I’m so lucky to be serving you.”
She began to chatter about her friend from the northeastern region—how he struggled with Docilian, how cruel other noble families could be.
“It’s the official language, but we barely hear it up north. I was lucky I learned some while working on a ship.”
When we returned, Ahin looked up at me curiously.
“Where did you learn all this, Milady? Did you study medicine?”
“…Huh?”
I blinked.
Only then did I realize—where did I learn this?
“…I don’t know.”
“What?”
She stared, stunned.
‘If I don’t know… then who does?’
But it was true. I had no idea how I’d recognized hemlock. Or its symptoms. Or how I’d known about the mushrooms. Or even about the corpse… from before.
My mind froze—paralyzed by knowledge I’d never gained.
‘What is happening to me?’
“Milady?” Ahin called, concerned.
I forced a smile.
“…Ah. I hurt my head recently. I guess I forgot where I learned it.”
Her eyes immediately grew teary.
“Oh no… you poor thing.”
She took my hand gently, squeezing it.
“Don’t worry. I’ll always be here for you.”
“…Thank you.”
I smiled faintly.
If I had to choose, I would rather be seen as pitiful… than completely mad.
