Chapter 20
Raon suggested she take a break, but Solitaria insisted she had to finish all her homework for the day and dragged her heavy, waterlogged-feeling steps to the library.
She spread out her books in the sunniest spot and busily started finishing her homework.
The sun set quickly, and even though her body ached, Solitaria’s eyes never left the page.
When James brought her dinner, she just looked up to thank him and then went right back to her work. Of course, the food sitting next to her barely decreased at all.
“All done.”
The moon was already up in the sky outside the window.
It seemed Raon, wanting to respect her focus, had left a note saying he’d wait outside the library. Solitaria saw the note and hesitated about whether to go back to her room.
But then she remembered the scent of Heinrich lingering in her room and shook her head. She decided to spend the night here until sunrise.
“I’ll just read books.”
Her soup and bread were cold, but she didn’t mind. She was a little tired, but spending the night in the library didn’t seem so bad.
With that thought, Solitaria stood up and started browsing through the books. As she wandered through the large library, she found herself in the farthest corner.
“I’ve read this one, and that one too.”
After searching for a while, she spotted a book on a high shelf that shimmered with a strange light.
It was the only thing shining in the darkest corner, so of course it caught her eye. Solitaria thought about reaching for it, but quickly gave up.
It was so high up, she’d need arms twice as long to reach it. She decided she’d just ask Heinrich to get it for her next time they came together.
“What! Ask Master! Don’t you know you have to be independent!”
She tapped her cheeks to snap herself out of it. Soon, she had a clever idea for how to get the book. She noticed a pile of chairs the librarian had stacked in the corner.
There were all sizes, from big to small, so Solitaria figured if she stacked them up, she could reach the book. It didn’t take much effort to move and stack five or six chairs. Before long, she was smiling with satisfaction at her wobbly tower. It felt shaky, but didn’t seem like it would fall right away.
“See? I can be independent. I can do things by myself.”
She grabbed the chairs and carefully climbed up, step by step.
She was nervous at first, but the chairs were surprisingly stable. And best of all, what she wanted was right in front of her.
“Wow, got it.”
But the book she pulled down wasn’t shimmering or mysterious at all. Up close, it looked even duller and darker than the books around it.
It looked like it had lost its color under a layer of dust, so Solitaria wiped it off with her hand. That revealed the book’s hidden truth.
“A forbidden… book?”
Someone had scribbled all over it with X’s, and in the center, the word “forbidden” was written in big letters. The bizarre sight made Solitaria frown.
She was just starting to wonder who had done it when a familiar voice spoke up behind her.
“What are you doing up there? That’s dangerous.”
“Eek!”
Startled, Solitaria dropped the book from her hands. Heinrich, who had called out to her, caught the falling book easily.
“There are books like this here?”
“I didn’t look at it! I really didn’t! I was just curious and wanted to see, but I didn’t actually read it!”
Solitaria flailed like a beastkin caught red-handed, desperate to prove her innocence. Heinrich tilted his head and asked,
How am I supposed to know if you did or not?
He meant to reassure her, but she took it the wrong way. With a face about to cry, Solitaria tried to prove her innocence.
She clung to the bookshelf with one hand and waved the other, trembling as she insisted she hadn’t done anything. Heinrich, seeing how precarious she looked, sighed and told her to come down.
“That’s dangerous. Come down right now.”
“You’re mad, aren’t you?”
Solitaria flinched and gripped the shelf tighter. She was scared—Heinrich looked like he might bite her at any second.
And when he got angry, there was no telling what he’d do.
“Why would I be?”
“You are mad. You’re about to scold me… Wait, how did you get here?”
“That’s what matters? If you don’t come down now, I really will get mad.”
He pulled his lips into a long, upward smile, and Solitaria panicked.
“Aren’t you coming down?”
“With that face, how can I come down!”
“See, now I’m smiling. Isn’t it a nice smile? Come down.”
His eyes were smiling too, and Solitaria was tempted. But then she remembered what had happened when they parted earlier and stopped herself from coming down.
Heinrich didn’t seem pleased by her hesitation and twitched his eyebrows.
At that moment, Solitaria’s shout echoed through the quiet library.
“S… Sorry!”
“For what? Climbing up there? Doing something dangerous? Looking at a forbidden book? Or still not coming down?”
Oh no, she thought.
That wasn’t what she meant to apologize for. But it looked like his mood was worse than she’d thought.
“That’s not it!”
“Fine, apologize all you want. But come down first.”
“I’m sorry for what I said earlier.”
Heinrich started to grab the chairs to steady them, then stopped and looked up at her. Just then, moonlight shone through the window, lighting up Solitaria’s hair. The dazzling light made Heinrich frown, and Solitaria buried her face in the bookshelf.
Then she started blurting out all her guilt in a rush.
“I didn’t mean I didn’t trust you. I’ve just been weird lately, and when you act like that I get angry without meaning to. I’m not usually that kind of rabbit, really.”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t even know myself! What should I do? Do I have some terrible disease? My heart races whenever I see you. I feel like it might jump out and I’ll never get it back in.”
Heinrich stared up at her, frozen. When he didn’t respond, Solitaria worked up the courage to look down at him.
She fell silent, mesmerized by his eyes. After a while, she started to speak again, her words jumbled and out of order.
“I know I’m acting weird, okay? And I know you’re always good to me, I really do.”
“You know I’m good to you?”
Solitaria nodded vigorously.
“I’d be an idiot not to notice! But if this keeps up… really, if this keeps up! I feel like I’ll end up eating you alive! How can a rabbit eat a wolf! But if things keep going like this, I think I actually could!”
“…What?”
“You’re all I have, but if I eat you, what will I do? That can’t happen.”
Solitaria shuddered as if the thought was horrifying and squeezed her eyes shut. Then, from below, came a huge burst of laughter.
His laughter gave Solitaria the courage to keep talking about the things she’d been holding in.
“Why is it a rabbit doll? Why are there only rabbit dolls in your room? Why do you sleep with them? And, and…”
“And?”
“Why don’t you ask to sleep together like before?”
“That upset you?”
His gentle voice made Solitaria realize what she’d just done, and she started bumping her head against the bookshelf. She mumbled, “No, what am I saying, am I crazy?” and hoped Heinrich hadn’t heard.
But her voice was much too loud, and there was no way Heinrich, right below her, hadn’t heard. Even knowing that, Solitaria prayed to a god she didn’t believe in that he’d forget her embarrassing words.
“Why did you stop talking?”
“…I’ll just stay here. Go on.”
Solitaria wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. She let go of the bookshelf and hid her face behind her hair.
Heinrich’s laughter didn’t stop.
“Don’t laugh.”
“Heh… Sol, come down.”
“No. Go away. I’ll sleep up here.”
Seeing her face so red, Heinrich replied in his usual calm tone.
“Really? Then I’ll just stay here too.”
“Just go…! Oh… Oh!!!”
Trying to stop Heinrich from staying with her, Solitaria turned around to tell him to go. But at that moment, she lost her balance and fell off the chair.
She’d been so high up that as the chairs collapsed she thought, “I’m going to die!” She squeezed her eyes shut, but even after enough time had passed for her to hit the ground, she didn’t feel any pain. When she opened her eyes, Heinrich was right in front of her, holding her tightly and turning his back to the falling chairs.
With a loud crash, the chairs tumbled down around them. When everything was quiet, Solitaria looked up at Heinrich.
“Are you okay? Oh no, I’m sorry.”
“Whew, Sol. I told you to come down because it was dangerous.”
“But…”
He brushed himself off and noticed a scratch on her cheek.
“What’s this? It’s upsetting.”
“Huh? I’m fine. I care more about you, Master!”
“Come here. If dust gets in your cut, it’ll be a problem. I’ll blow on it.”
As Heinrich leaned in, Solitaria squeezed her eyes shut.
He blew gently on her cheek. She shivered in surprise but didn’t run away, and Heinrich smiled brightly.
“This time you didn’t run.”
“I never ran…!”
Solitaria glared at him.
With the moonlight behind him, he looked even darker and more imposing. Startled, she gasped for breath. Even though he knew she’d roll her eyes, Heinrich didn’t back away. He leaned in even closer.
Maybe it was the aftereffect of knocking over the bookshelf when she fell, but a book suddenly dropped onto Heinrich’s head.
An unexpected accident had happened.
Smooch.
