Chapter 17
I paid no mind to his reaction and continued speaking.
“I just glanced at him… You know how it is. I’m always cooped up in this place, always seeing the same people. So when I saw someone unfamiliar after so long, my eyes just naturally went to them. That’s all. Are you really angry with me?”
The words came from my mouth, but they were a perfectly crafted excuse, a complete lie.
“…No. How could I ever be angry with you?”
When I asked again if he was upset, Calix, who had remained silent, finally spoke.
Thankfully, I saw his expression soften just a little.
‘Yeah, right.’
Still, it seemed my excuse had worked well enough, so I decided to drive the point home. I leaned in close, bringing my face as near to his as I could. Then, in a voice so soft he wouldn’t hear it unless he was listening very carefully, I whispered sweetly to him.
“I only have you, Calix. I love you. Calix.”
The words ‘I love you’ now came so easily to me, almost too easily.
“Ariel.”
He stared into my eyes at my confession, then took the hand resting on his cheek and pressed his lips gently to my palm. There was nothing sensual about the gesture. If anything, it felt like a sacred rite, something you’d perform before a revered figure. I simply watched him in silence.
“I…”
He looked at me, his lips still barely parted from my hand, and finally spoke.
“If I lost you, I’d die.”
The words burst from his mouth, completely at odds with the quiet atmosphere around us, sharp, almost menacing. And yet, his voice was calm. Steady. Deeply sincere.
“…What?”
I tried to hide my surprise and asked him again, as if I’d misheard.
“You’d feel the same, wouldn’t you? If I weren’t here… If we couldn’t be together.”
“Ah… right…”
What does he mean? What exactly is he trying to say?
Him waiting for me in the room earlier, and now this sudden shift in his demeanor… it was all beginning to weigh on me. But I couldn’t afford to let him know what I was thinking, so I forced an awkward smile.
“If we can’t be together, then nothing else matters to me.”
“Me too…”
I echoed his words, trying to move the moment along.
“Without you… haah…”
Suddenly, Calix grimaced mid-sentence and let out a deep sigh.
“Why… what’s wrong?”
“Just imagining even a moment without you by my side… it’s enough to kill me.”
“Ah…”
“So no matter what happens, you must never leave me.”
“Yes. I won’t.”
“Even if it means death.”
“…”
At those final words, I couldn’t bring myself to respond.
When I thought back on everything he had said just moments before, something about it all struck me as terribly strange.
He couldn’t possibly know what I know, or at least, he shouldn’t. And yet, the way he spoke, it was like he did know something. The thought left my mind blank.
“Ariel.”
“…Yes?”
“I love you. Forever.”
“Yes. I love you too.”
Thankfully, even though my head was spinning, my response to his ‘I love you’ came reflexively. But no sooner had I said the words than I felt his eyes pierce through me.
“…Calix?”
Feeling as though his red eyes were seeing straight through me, I deliberately called his name. But there was no reply. A strange sense of unease began creeping into my heart. So I called out to him again, before he could respond.
“Calix… why—ah!”
I’d wanted to ask why he was looking at me that way, but I couldn’t get the words out. His face was suddenly inches from mine.
A moment later, I felt the soft, damp press of his lips on my forehead. My eyes closed instinctively at the touch. Then, on my closed eyelids, I felt the same delicate kiss again, one after another.
Unlike earlier, this kiss was slow, gentle. He continued to kiss my face, everywhere. When his lips finally pulled away, a deep silence settled between us.
I opened my eyes slowly, meeting a gaze filled with undisguised desire.
“Mmph!”
Before I could say anything, his lips crashed against mine. The kiss was long and relentless.
Perhaps remembering how I’d struggled to breathe last time, he gave me brief moments to catch my breath, just barely parting before diving in again.
But it was only momentary. The kiss went on and on, never-ending. The long night had only just begun. And after I had surrendered myself completely to him, a hazy, distant sensation overtook me.
Once things had settled a bit, I slowly opened my eyes and looked at him. And then…
The warmth and tenderness in his gaze was mixed with a fire that still burned with desire, and I couldn’t hide my shock.
‘Again?!’
No… he’s not really thinking of doing it again, is he?
The thought that he might truly go for another round filled me with quiet dread.
“Stop. That’s enough.”
So I quickly tried to put a stop to things.
“One more time. Please?”
“But… I’m so tired…”
I truly didn’t have the strength for more. So I refused again, telling him how exhausted I was. At that, his face darkened immediately.
“Ariel… please…”
His voice was pleading, so unlike his usual self that I hesitated.
Whenever I told him I genuinely couldn’t go on, he usually relented. Not that those moments were common, I almost always passed out from the intensity before I even had the chance to say anything.
But now…
‘Why does he keep looking at me like that?’
His eyes held a desperate glint, one not unlike the look of despair I’d seen earlier.
‘Haah…’
I didn’t know.
Thinking about the reason behind it now was too much for me. But there was one thing I did know for sure: I never wanted to see him wear that expression again. I shouldn’t see him like that.
“…Just one last time. Ah!”
The moment I gave him permission, Calix pounced on me again. And despite my claim that it would be the last time, we continued over and over until the morning sun rose.
When I finally regained my senses, the sun was already high in the sky.
‘Haah…’
Freshly awake, I lay there unmoving for a while.
No, it wasn’t that I didn’t move, it was that I couldn’t move. My entire body ached in the aftermath of the night.
‘He’s insane.’
Truly, we’d both lost our minds. Not just the man who’d ravaged me like that, but me too, who had gone along with it.
“Ah…”
Hoping maybe I could move a little, I tried to sit up but gave up immediately. My skin stung even from the light touch of the blanket. My lower body throbbed dully, painfully.
I lay there for a long while, eyes open, staring blankly at the ceiling.
Knock knock.
Then came a knock and a familiar voice.
“Your Grace. It’s your nanny.”
“Come in.”
With my permission, the door opened and the nanny entered, carrying a large tray.
“You’re awake. You haven’t eaten all day, so I brought you something.”
She placed the tray on the side table next to the bed.
Gritting my teeth through the aches and pains, I managed with her help to prop myself up against the headboard. I glanced over the tray.
It held a hearty stew with meat and vegetables, just the way I liked it lately, and a fragrant fruit drink. My body was sore and tired, but the sight of delicious food stirred my appetite.
“Will you have some?”
“Mm. Just a little.”
She asked with concern in her voice, and I replied with a faint smile. She handed me a spoon, and I scooped up a generous bite of the stew.
The warm broth coated my throat and stomach, and it was exactly what I needed.
After being worn out all night by Calix, I’d been starving for a while now. I quickly picked up the pace. And before I knew it, the bowl was completely empty, making a mockery of my earlier claim that I’d only eat a little.
With food in my stomach, I felt a bit more strength return to my limbs. After the meal, I prepared to go out. Soaking in a hot bath helped ease the stiffness in my muscles just a little.
……
T/N: Just seeing how Ariel was exhausted with a frail body, I couldn’t imagine how Calix would be if Ariel was healthy lol
