Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Kashika looked up at the ceiling. Still high as ever.

The Elpertz estate, whose details she could no longer remember, had ceilings that were similarly tall—built that way to show that their grandeur would never falter. Now, the cobwebs hanging from those lofty heights only made the place seem more pitiful. But here, there were no such traces.

A space untouched by the notion of lack.

Men raised in such places—how pure and unblemished they were. To Kashika, who had been so twisted and crushed she could no longer straighten herself out, such a man was irritating to behold. And at the same time, she felt a familiar, persistent self-loathing.

“Have you read the contract?”

Kashika looked at Noah, standing before her. Noah Lambroiche had come late in the morning—though it might have been closer to noon.

“Yes, you gave me more than enough time to review it,” Kashika replied.

Indeed, she’d had plenty of time to read it. What she hadn’t been given was enough time to sleep. She couldn’t understand why he had come at such an early hour. Nobles were supposed to indulge their idleness, staying awake through the late hours only to finally fall asleep at sunrise. That was the elegant way, was it not?

The mirror Lydia had brought showed a wreck. Kashika rubbed her dark, sleep-deprived under-eyes and, oddly enough, didn’t think she looked too bad. When she’d left the capital, a strange fashion had taken hold there. People had begun painting dark circles under their eyes to create a kind of decadent look. She didn’t know if that was still in style, but the look seemed to suit her now. It went well with her thick, dark brown hair. Not sure how it’d fare with blondes—not that she had been born with it anyway.

In the end, she gave up dressing up and greeted Noah in comfortable attire.

Noah, for his part, didn’t seem to care about her casual clothes. He sat across from her, calmly crossing his legs.

“I’m glad to hear you had enough time,” he said.

Looking directly at Noah, Kashika replied, “However—”

The contract sat on the table between them. Yes, she had read it thoroughly. There were several parts that puzzled her.

“No sexual relations with others?”

Kashika said it aloud with a small scoff, and Noah’s eyes narrowed slightly. As if trying to predict what she was about to say—and already knowing it wasn’t something he’d like to hear.

“You’re well aware, aren’t you, that this place encourages indulgence and pleasure?”

“So?” Noah asked.

“Wouldn’t it be boring if I couldn’t meet with anyone?”

“Did you enjoy yourself there, then?” he asked.

Perhaps it was the hour, but his voice seemed lower than usual.

“Considering how close it is to Bellifeira, many people there likely indulge in those pleasures. Did you as well, Madam?”

Pleasure, he says. For Kashika, pleasure didn’t come from anything human—it belonged to some midday demon. A demon of sloth, apathy, and torpor, stabbing lazily into her with spears of inertia. Just like now, she would lie in bed until late hours, unmoving unless a maid helped her dress, and the books she’d taken from the library remained scattered on the floor and mattress until someone cleaned them up. That was her one true indulgence.

Of course, the vulgar novels she’d read had taught her other things.

Though she lacked experience, she knew plenty—too much to chalk it up to age alone. She understood noble society’s habits well. Still, what good was knowledge if it couldn’t be grounded in experience? More than anything, it frightened her. Crossing into the unknown, being thrust into a situation she couldn’t control—or being expected to.

But it wouldn’t help to show that fear. Kashika winked and asked with a sly smile, “Does it bother you?”

“Yes.”

That was an answer she hadn’t expected.

“Of course it bothers me.”

…Why would that be obvious?

“I don’t want to see you with anyone else, Madam.”

“That’s strange,” Kashika replied.

“If your goal is to avoid marriage, then there’s no need to go that far.”

“It’s also about satisfying my own desires.”

“With me, you mean?”

“Yes. Is that not allowed?”

“…It’s not that.”

It’s just strange. Isn’t it obviously strange?

“You’re the one insisting on a contract that grants freedom, yet you’re the one setting the restrictions.”

“Isn’t it better to be free but still tied to something?”

“…”

There are all kinds of people in books, but facing one in real life leaves her unsure of how to respond.

“What if I secretly met with someone?”

Noah fell silent again. There was a tension in the air under his stare, but Kashika feigned ease, curling up on the sofa and resting her legs atop it.

“That would be quite…” Noah began.

“…painful,” he finished.

Lies.

“It would break my heart. I imagine I’d spend days weeping in despair.”

No one in pain smiles like that.

“Then wouldn’t it be fair if neither of us sees anyone else?”

Noah’s eyes locked onto Kashika’s. His lips parted slightly as if he were about to respond, but before he could speak, Kashika added, “Including you, of course, Viscount.”

Noah’s mouth moved slightly, but whatever answer he was about to give was swallowed back down. His gaze softened, and a quiet “Aha” escaped his lips.

“That would actually be preferable.”

“…”

“Shall we revise the contract that way, then? The lawyer will be here tomorrow. Let’s discuss it.”

“No.”

Now she felt even more uneasy. Maybe it would be best to reject this proposal altogether.

“This offer, after all…”

“Kashika.”

Rather than stepping into something unknown, perhaps it would be better to gather what little wealth she had left—

“I didn’t bring you here to hear a rejection.”

“…”

“Then tomorrow—”

“Let’s be honest,” Kashika said. Noah still didn’t respond. He was simply waiting for her to continue.

“There’s something here, isn’t there?”

And Kashika knew it too.

“How about this condition instead?”

Sometimes, silence is its own answer.

“If you tell me the whole truth, then we can remove the clause about not sleeping with others.”

Maybe that’s why she was able to say such a thing.

“As your lover.”

If Noah Lambroiche refused—

“I’ll be faithful only to you.”

Then there’s another reason hiding behind this. Something that makes it have to be her.

“What’s the secret you’re hiding?”

For a moment, Noah’s expression disappeared from his face. He seemed to hesitate, but it felt like his answer had already been decided. Slowly, the corners of his lips lifted, and he said, “If that’s what you want, Madam…”

“Then we’ll strike that clause from the contract.”

Ah, just as expected. There’s something else going on. As if this was ever really about repaying a debt—ridiculous.

But even if something else exists, she still doesn’t know what it is. If it’s really because it has to be her… it still doesn’t make sense. Kashika Ramfley has nothing worth that kind of pursuit. Did the late marquess leave something behind? Or is it her connections?

But what connections? Elpertz?

He’s dead too. And if it were about connections, he’d want her to mingle with others, not stay isolated. The terms themselves don’t add up. No logic fits this.

“Your desires, then?”

Kashika tilted her chin up with a faint smile. Whatever he was scheming, she had no intention of falling for it easily. Still, pretending to fall for it might be the safer route.

Noah didn’t respond. He simply stared at her. But those relaxed eyes and the faint curve of his lips carried the composure of someone who hadn’t lost control for even a moment.

Noah rose slowly. With just a few steps, he stood before her. His large frame blocked out the sunlight pouring through the window. Just his presence made him feel overwhelmingly big, and she found herself inexplicably tense. Noah’s hand rested gently on the back of her chair. He bent forward. Kashika, worried her breathing would be too loud, began taking shallow breaths. The scent that approached her was sharp—like pine, or perhaps leather.

“In that case—”

Up close, he was surprisingly handsome. Not something one would usually say about a man well into his mid-twenties, but Noah Lambroiche had a pretty face. He resembled the Countess Lambroiche.

“I’ll do my best to keep your eyes from wandering to anyone else.”

Then Noah extended his hand. Kashika held her breath. As she stayed motionless, Noah chuckled softly, took her fingertips, and raised them to place a kiss on the back of her hand. It was a meaningless gesture, yet Kashika didn’t know how to react. She had no immunity to things like this.

“Then rest well,” Noah said, rising.

“I’ll send word in the evening.”

With that, he turned away. His steps were both leisurely and swift, likely due to his long stride. Kashika said nothing until he left the room. She held her breath and watched until the door closed behind him.

Then she exhaled, the sound embarrassingly loud—loud enough to worry someone might have heard it from outside.

“Good heavens.”

Kashika muttered, raising the back of her hand to her cheek—only to quickly jerk it away when she remembered Noah had just kissed it.

“…I’m not a child.”

And yet, her mouth was strangely dry.