Chapter 3
A month passed since the letter arrived. Then two.
Telling herself it was nonsense, that it wasn’t worth paying any mind, and yet, she couldn’t bring herself to throw it away.
Perhaps a week after receiving the letter, the Grand Duke’s demeanor began to change, as though the warm expressions and tender words he’d once spoken were all a lie. His attitude toward her grew colder, little by little.
At first, she told herself it was just her imagination.
But soon, it became far too evident for such a thing to be dismissed as mere misunderstanding. His attitude had changed overnight.
He no longer visited her as often as before, and the thought of sharing a meal together was little more than a dream.
There were many days when she wouldn’t catch even a single glimpse of him.
And when they did happen to cross paths, it would be with a cold voice and a curt, “We’ll speak later,” as he passed her by without a second glance.
It wasn’t just she who noticed the stark change in his behavior, the murmurs of the household staff reached her ears as well.
She bit her lip.
He was the Grand Duke. Of course he was impossibly busy.
She understood. She knew that. And yet… it still hurt.
She found herself counting down the days to their monthly conjugal night. At the very least, on that night, she could spend time with him alone.
She told herself she’d ask him then. Ask if he was terribly busy. If he might spare a little more of his time for her. Ask, weren’t they husband and wife?
That had been her plan.
The tiny, flickering ember of unease within her steadily grew.
If you truly believe Karl loves you, I will tell you the truth.
That single line circled her mind for two full months without rest.
The first love she had ever received, and the first love she had ever given, she hadn’t wanted to stain it with suspicion. And yet, that tiny seed of doubt had begun to quietly sprout.
And when, for the first time, he postponed their conjugal night, her hands trembled so badly she could hardly stand it. Only then did she pull open the drawer where she had hidden the letter.
The date written in the letter was today. As though the sender had anticipated the time it would take for her to struggle and hesitate, plenty of days had already passed.
The meeting place was a dessert shop in the bustling town square of the North.
Slowly, ever so slowly, she made ready to leave.
She didn’t want to go.
She didn’t, and yet, she wanted to know.
What was this so-called truth that women spoke of? Why had the Grand Duke, who had once been nothing but kind, so suddenly turned cold?
Was this woman… truly carrying the Grand Duke’s child? Was she truly his mistress?
When she called for her maid and ordered a carriage to be readied, the door burst open without so much as a knock.
She was not surprised.
“Ashila.”
She had been wondering when he would come.
“Where are you going?”
“I heard there’s a nice new café in the town squ—”
“I’ll have someone fetch it for you. You know I dislike you going out.”
Since arriving in the North, she had not once stepped outside the Grand Duke’s estate. She occasionally wandered the gardens, but never left the grounds.
No, it would be more accurate to say she had been forbidden.
She wasn’t allowed to attend social gatherings, and even the smallest of outings had been prohibited by the Grand Duke.
Just like now.
Let me fetch it for you. Why inconvenience yourself. Stay here.
She hid her trembling hands behind her back.
Until now, she hadn’t thought it strange. But once a suspicion had taken root, it spread relentlessly.
Not once, in over two years, had she left the estate.
This wasn’t normal.
Before coming here, she had lived like a prisoner in the Imperial Palace, and so she hadn’t thought much of it.
But now she realized, what difference was there, truly, between here and there?
She recalled the cage she had lived in before, the one she had tried so hard to forget after coming to the Grand Duke’s estate.
“……It’s just… just a short trip out. I’ll be back soon.”
The Grand Duke’s blue eyes rested on her quietly.
“No. The people of the North……”
“Fear outsiders, is that it?”
“……Yes.”
Once seen, the cracks in this life she thought was normal began to reveal their true form, one by one.
Why was she not allowed outside?
No, why did the Grand Duke go to such desperate lengths to keep her from leaving? Because the people of the North feared outsiders?
Even a girl like her, who had spent her life in captivity, could recognize a lie when she heard one.
It was absurd.
In his gaze, once a color she had thought as warm and endless as the sea, now flickered a bitter, icy light.
She saw her own reflection in those cold eyes, her expression twisted in despair.
Since when?
Even the darkest, most desperate thoughts crossed her mind.
Did he… did he ever truly love me?
All this time, he had brushed off conversation, claiming to be too busy, so why now, when she finally said she was leaving, did he suddenly speak up?
“I’ll be back soon. I just… needed some air.”
The Grand Duke stared at her for a long moment, then, with an irritable expression, gave a curt nod.
“Very well. I’ll assign you an escort.”
An escort.
It was natural for a lady of her station to be accompanied by one, and yet… in her ears, it sounded more like being assigned a warden.
But she had no strength to refuse.
The suffocating unease of the Grand Duke’s estate closed in around her, and even now, her heart continued to pound painfully for him.
She climbed into the carriage, escorted by the guards, as it began to roll along the snow-covered streets.
Even as she recited the address of the dessert café written in the letter, her hands trembled at the image of the Grand Duke’s cold face in her mind.
And then, she arrived.
“Good afternoon, Your Grace, the Grand Duchess. I’m Sarsha von Barthe. Thank you for coming.”
Soft, fluttering pink hair. Large green eyes that could only be described as charming.
On the quiet fourth floor, the petite young woman lifted the hem of her dress in a polite greeting, then deliberately brushed a hand over her visibly rounded, pregnant belly.
Her gaze instinctively dropped to it.
The child inside… could it truly be…
“It’s Karl’s child.”
As if reading her mind, Sarsha spoke first.
Her voice was light, bouncing with cheer.
Her heart sank.
Heavily pregnant. At least eight, nine months along. The Grand Duke’s child.
Could it even be possible for a person to love two people at once?
“…You truly didn’t know.”
A smile spread across Sarsha’s face.
“Surely, you must’ve sensed it yourself by now, haven’t you? Anyone would. Did you truly feel as though Karl loved you?”
Something strange?
Not allowing her to leave the estate. Controlling her every move. The sudden coldness.
But still… but still…
“I am… the Grand Duke’s wife.”
“You are.”
Her pupils quivered.
“I thought Karl would have told you by now… that the time had come. But you really don’t know a thing.”
The time had come? What…?
And then she realized.
He had never once said those simple words, I love you.
He had been kind, but always vague. Always maintaining a careful distance.
The world seemed to go dark before her eyes.
When… when did his demeanor start to change?
It was after that day. The day she confessed her love to him.
“That man… Karl… he despises the Imperial Family. His parents, the former Grand Duke and Duchess, died because of His Majesty, the Emperor.”
She stared blankly at Sarsha.
As though the entire situation amused her, Sarsha smirked.
“Your Grace, no, Your Highness, Imperial Princess. Did you truly believe a man like that could love you, the daughter of his enemy?”
Stop.
This wasn’t what she wanted.
“If it was revenge he was after, perhaps. But love? Never. There are many kinds of marriages, you know. And your marriage to Karl isn’t even worth calling a political arrangement… it’s something far worse. Being a wife doesn’t guarantee love, you naïve little princess.”
She sat there, dazed, letting the woman’s words wash over her.
“Sasha!”
–Bang!
“Oh my, Karl.”
The Grand Duke stormed in, shoving the door open.
And then, with a face gentler than she’d ever seen, with a gaze so tender, with a fierce, anguished expression, he looked at Sarsha.
And then… he turned to her. His face like ice.
In that moment, she instinctively knew.
Ah, all the warmth, kindness, affectionate gazes, and gestures he had shown her. It had all been a lie.
The warmth he now showed Sarsha, and the warmth he once pretended to give her, they weren’t even comparable. Not in depth. Not in sincerity.
She had simply fooled herself.
It had been so long since she’d felt any warmth from another that even the smallest kindness had shaken her heart to its core.
So it was a lie.
–Drop.
A tear she hadn’t even known was there fell onto the carpet.
“What do you think you’re doing, Ashila?”
As though convinced she’d done something to Sarsha, the Grand Duke growled lowly and stepped between them, shielding Sarsha behind him.
Those cold eyes glared down at her where she’d collapsed to the floor.
“Did you… did you never love me? Was it really… really only for revenge…”
Choking on tears, her voice trembling, she stammered the words out.
Grasping the hem of his sleeve, clinging on with the last of her hope.
“…Sasha, why did you tell her?”
He never answered her.
Instead, with a careful, gentle tone, he spoke only to the woman carrying his child.
“She keeps acting like she’s your lover, when you’re mine.”
The hand clutching his sleeve fell limply away.
Like something inside her had broken, the tears came pouring down.
Even now, even in this moment, she wanted to tear out the heart inside her that still beat so desperately for him.
