Chapter 8
Chapter 8: Suspicious You, Despite Everything
Vinea bent over, exhaling her stifled breath. Tatar’s voice gradually brought her back to her senses. He lifted her in his arms, her trembling body still unable to calm down, and carried her up the stairs leading out of the basement.
“Don’t think about anything. No plans, no organizing your thoughts. Just empty your mind for now.”
Despite the pounding of her heart in her ears, Tatar’s low, chilling voice penetrated her turmoil smoothly.
“Whatever emotions you’re feeling, they can’t harm you. Breathe regularly. It’s simple.”
Yes. Just as he said, these are merely emotions. Vinea buried her head in his firm chest and closed her eyes. One, two, three. She counted in sync with his heartbeat, slowly regaining her breath. Gradually, the trembling of her entire body began to subside.
Before she knew it, they had exited the basement and returned to the prayer room. The basement door closed behind them. Tatar looked down at Vinea’s empty eyes before carefully seating her on the pedestal where a statue stood.
He traced the thin line of blood on her white neck with his thumb, leaving a red mark on his finger like a painting. It was where Sefitiana’s shard had struck.
Staring at the blood on his finger with cold, silver-gray eyes, Tatar quietly took Vinea’s hand and slowly kissed the back of it.
“Use me, Empress. Because your existence makes me feel alive, death has no effect on me.”
When Vinea’s blue eyes focused on him, Tatar gave a satisfied smile, as if that alone was enough.
“If you wish, I can die for you as many times as needed.”
Vinea withdrew her hand from his grasp with a cold expression. The warmth that had briefly connected them dissipated, and Tatar tilted his head slightly, erasing the smile from his lips.
“You’ve sorted out your thoughts already, despite my advice to empty your mind.”
“It takes as much time as climbing the stairs to calm down.”
“Well, at this rate, you’ll soon break, Empress.”
His tone was almost certain, like someone who had already experienced it. His advice was almost leisurely.
“It wasn’t a suggestion to avoid breaking beyond repair. It was a deal. You to me, me to you. So that we wouldn’t be left alone. Have you forgotten?”
His dark gaze settled on her. Vinea, meeting his eyes without flinching, searched for the intent behind them.
“I haven’t forgotten.”
“Then hold your mind tighter. If you don’t want to break completely, don’t even step into the abyss.”
“You—”
Feeling a stinging sensation, Vinea touched her neck. Although the blood had been wiped away, the pain lingered, annoying her. Tatar’s lips twisted at the sight.
What was so important about the clues Sefitiana threw? It would be better to either completely go mad or stand firm without being swayed by futile hopes.
Seeing Vinea struggling precariously, unable to decide, grated on his nerves.
“Next time, why don’t you rest at the palace, Empress? If you’re bored, you could kill some bothersome nobles or start a war.”
“Don’t be absurd. First, let’s investigate who previously owned Sefitiana and the miracles it performed. There might be information we missed.”
“We’ve already looked into Sefitiana extensively. There’s nothing more to find.”
“Sefitiana clearly mentioned that someone else owned it first. But there’s no such mention in the scriptures. We might not know everything.”
“It could be everything. What if we’re just being toyed with by Sefitiana’s tricks? Will you continue to stand precariously like this?”
Vinea stared coldly at Tatar.
“Why are you being so irritating? Do you even want to end this cycle of regression?”
Tatar’s eyes narrowed as he produced a plausible smile.
“Of course.”
The clear answer was somehow irritating. Vinea slightly furrowed her brow.
“For now, I’ll pursue the clues alone. You handle the matters of the Empress’s Palace.”
“I willingly offered myself to you, and you’re using me for such tedious tasks.”
“If you’re dissatisfied, we can work separately in this life. I’ll leave the palace. We can meet in the next regression.”
“In a hurry, aren’t you? Sometimes, you need to take a break from these boring tasks. Your decision is right, Empress.”
Despite the seemingly casual conversation, Vinea couldn’t shake the subtle unease she felt. They were supposed to be the only ones who understood each other in their shared resolve to end the regression. But now, it felt like facing a fellow knight aiming at a different target.
Vinea turned away from Tatar. She felt his persistent gaze but stubbornly avoided it.
Her mind was already complicated enough; she had no room to embrace another issue she didn’t even fully understand yet.
However, Tatar seemed to think differently. He grabbed her chin and turned her face toward him with a loud clench of his teeth.
Her trembling blue eyes revealed her state of mind.
Vinea closed her eyes tightly and then opened them again. Just when she thought she had calmed down, Sefitiana’s empty eyes overlapped with Tatar’s penetrating silver gaze, causing her breath to hitch again. The despair that had struck her earlier began to creep up through her wounds once more.
It was tiresome. It would be stranger if she remained mentally intact in this situation, but she felt pathetic for feeling so weak.
“Ha…”
“You said the time it takes to climb the stairs was enough to calm down. Funny.”
“Don’t provoke me. I’m already irritated enough.”
“God, Sefitiana, me. Which one?”
“Do you really have to ask?”
Raising her head, Vinea gazed at the round ceiling of the prayer room through the wooden statues.
The ceiling, standing tall and immaculate, was intricately engraved with the image of a god who had never shown itself.
Everything felt out of place.
Sefitiana, with its vague words; the god who created Sefitiana; the tedious temple that worshiped both.
And most of all, her only ally, who was behaving strangely.
“It’s suffocating. Should we have destroyed the temple together in the seventy-fifth regression?”
“If you wish, I can bring an army to demolish the temple. Spread a plague, set fires, or hang the priests’ heads in front of the royal palace.”
“It would only last a year.”
“If you want, I can make it so that every time you come out, all you see is the ruined temple. It will feel like an eternity. I’ll make it happen.”
Even though the power was now useless to him, he was still the ruler of Tessibania.
If she decided, she could start another war or even deny the gods. It wasn’t something she hadn’t tried before. Of course, she had been killed numerous times by rebels or the Holy Knights, but still.
However, his empress seemed entirely unmotivated.
Vinea refused outright, her face expressing how troublesome the very thought was.
“There’s no need. I’m busy enough chasing the clues Sefitiana gave us.”
“Sure, chasing them in your current state.”
He grabbed her slender wrist, her trembling fingers clenching into a tight fist.
“I’m fine.”
“And you expect me to believe that?”
“If I’m not fine, are you planning to stop everything and keep repeating the regression?”
He didn’t answer, instead removing the hairpin holding up her platinum hair. As her soft hair flowed down, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and laid her down.
In his embrace, she saw the quiet face of a man whose thoughts she couldn’t decipher.
Vinea frowned up at him. She couldn’t tell if he was ignoring her question or if he had already come to an answer on his own.
Why, recently, was his attitude increasingly grating on her?
“Your Majesty.”
“How has my empress managed to be so desperate all this time? You must be tired. You could have given up by now.”
Whatever his intent behind the question, it wasn’t something that required long contemplation.
Vinea answered without hesitation.
“Because you are here.”
Her delicate fingertips rested on his pounding heart. Although robbed of a proper death as humans should have, the steady beat beneath her palm affirmed that he was alive.
We are alive. We may be wandering through time as if it were eternal, but hearing the beat of another’s heart reminds us that we are not alone in this journey.
We can still endure. There are still things to lose. And knowing that we haven’t hit rock bottom yet gives us hope.
Her blue eyes, half-hidden beneath long eyelashes, glanced at his chest before locking onto his silver-gray gaze once more.
“Because you’re here, I want to see the future with you. If I can’t, I’d rather die with you.”
“Empress…”
Tatar spoke in a voice suppressed as if he were holding something back.
“You truly drive me crazy.”
He lowered his head, the distance between them closing. His slightly parted lips formed a deep curve.
“Since the Empress tries so hard for me, should I put on a little show as well?”
Contrary to his words, his eyes remained cold, as if something displeased him. Vinea couldn’t tell if his desire was genuine or not.
“You would stop me from destroying the temple, saying it’s too troublesome…”
“What are you planning now?”
“Soon, the priests will come to greet us. The prayer room’s door is thin, and rumors spread faster than anything else.”
Although there was no one around to hear, Tatar whispered in Vinea’s ear, his face close to hers.
“What if we left a mark of our worldly, corrupt desires in this beautiful and noble temple? So much that it relieves your complicated mind.”
Vinea’s eyes narrowed.
So this is what he was scheming. His intentions were as plain as the desire burning in his eyes. Yet, her neck wound kept throbbing, constantly reminding her of its presence.
“I guarantee it will lighten your troubled mind. When I went on a rampage destroying temples, it worked quite well.”
Her resolve wavered for a moment.
Her hesitation was brief, and her answer even briefer. Vinea reached out to Tatar.
