Chapter 52
Chapter 52. Another Name for Despair
His embrace was much larger and wider than in her memories. She used to be able to nestle fully into his arms, but now it was overwhelming just to wrap her arms around him.
Eurene pressed her forehead against his solid back, thick tears falling from her eyes.
“I missed you, brother. Truly. Truly…”
The last time she had seen him was at a banquet 4 years ago, and even then, she had only glimpsed him from afar at the edge of the ballroom, hiding from her mother’s eyes. Though they had exchanged letters steadily since then, it wasn’t the same as meeting in person.
Look. Without Empress Vinea, everything fell into place like a miracle bestowed by God.
Just when she was about to give up in despair because the Emperor Emeritus hadn’t kept his promise, she received help from a stranger and was able to enter the ballroom. And among all those people in the ballroom, he had spotted her at once.
This was true love blessed by God. A genuine connection between two people drawn to each other without any ulterior motives.
“It’s me, Eurene. Brother Tatar, you remember, don’t you? My hair that you said was as pretty as the sky, my eyes like lush greenery – they’re all the same…!”
She had so much she wanted to say to him when they met, but now face to face, her heart was in such turmoil that she could only manage to utter one sentence at a time.
“I kept hoping, hoping for the moment I’d meet you again…”
Tatar, who had been quietly listening to Eurene’s words, opened his mouth.
“Move aside.”
A cold voice devoid of the same longing she felt.
Eurene stepped back in bewilderment. Instead of the warmth that had felt like she possessed the world, the cold night air filled her embrace.
“Eurene Castallo.”
Hearing her name flow softly from his lips, Eurene tried to hide her confusion and smiled lovingly. With an expressionless face, Tatar slowly traced his fingertips from her disheveled hair to her forehead, cheeks, and slender neck.
Unaware that where his fingers stopped was a vital point where one could easily cut off her breath, Eurene lowered her flushed face.
In her mind, she recalled the kiss she had glimpsed between him and the Empress in the garden. Soon, the Empress’s face in that memory became her own.
Oh, what should she do? Could this be the moment of her long-awaited first kiss?
Tatar gently lifted Eurene’s chin as she stood there tense, her hand on her pounding heart.
“No matter what I say to you, nothing will change. Your obsession was formed even before my marriage to the Empress.”
Eurene’s eyes widened at Tatar’s incomprehensible words. Before she could speak, Tatar continued in a cold voice.
“Telling the truth has always led to the worst outcomes, but ignoring it is too irritating. What should I do?”
“I don’t understand what you’re saying. This moment is so precious to me that I want to talk about the memories we’ve shared. Don’t you feel the same, brother?”
“Memories?”
“The time we spent at the Castallo duchy, the time we spent with the late Empress in the garden of the Empress’s palace. Our beautiful, pure memories.”
“Ah.”
Eurene’s eyes wavered at Tatar’s attitude, as if recalling something from a long time ago that he could barely remember.
She replayed those memories every day, savoring them, ingraining them. She had naturally assumed he would do the same. After all, it had been such a brilliant time. Eurene’s green eyes trembled anxiously.
“You do remember, don’t you, brother?”
“You mean the Baloua Garden that mother treasured? Where you came every weekend with the Duchess.”
Color returned to Eurene’s face. She clapped her hands together, laughing with relief.
“Yes, that garden…! You also told me there to follow you to the Empire Foundation Day celebration, remember?”
“How could I forget something I’ve heard so many times it’s become tiresome?”
“Ah, of course…!”
Unlike the joyful Eurene, Tatar’s expression remained utterly impassive.
How tiresome it was, that every time they met, she would bring up old stories he could barely remember, demanding attention and love as if it were her due.
Tatar thought to himself.
Should I tell her the truth about our relationship here? Should I tell her about her mother who suffered a lifetime of scandal, and say that she is committing a similar sin?
As much as he wanted to tell her everything, every time he did, Eurene’s choices became unpredictably bold and cruel. And that blade was invariably aimed at Vinea.
Tatar clicked his tongue with an irritated expression. He removed his hand from Eurene’s face and shook it as if he had touched something dirty.
“Don’t enter the palace recklessly from now on. Don’t catch the Empress’s eye.”
“Are you worried about me? Afraid that demon of an Empress might harm me…”
Tatar clicked his tongue again, looking slightly nauseated.
“Impressive. I can see why the Empress dislikes you so intensely.”
“So you knew the Empress hates me too! She ostracized me for no reason and insulted me. She was a terrible person!”
How much longer would he have to listen to this tedious sentiment?
Not knowing what schemes Vinea might have, he couldn’t carelessly kill Eurene, who might be part of her plans.
Even if that wasn’t the case, Vinea, who was far too soft-hearted by his standards, tended to avoid conflict with Eurene because she had once been someone he cared for.
He swore he had never once looked at Eurene with the same feelings she had for him.
If he had known that the pity and meager affection he had shown her – solely because of their distant blood relation – when she was trapped in the mansion as a child would come back to haunt him like this, he would have ignored her from the start.
He only regretted that he couldn’t change what had happened before the regression.
Would Vinea have been able to settle into the regression more if Eurene didn’t exist? His gaze fell on Eurene’s slender neck, which looked as if it would snap if he applied any pressure.
Feeling a sudden chill, Eurene clasped her hands around her own neck.
“I don’t care if you want to flounder alone in your delusional memories, but I hope I won’t have to see your face in our imperial palace again. This is my final warning. Remember it well.”
“What do you mean, how can you say such things to me…!”
“It means there’s no place for you to dare to interfere between the Empress and me.”
Thick tears instantly welled up in Eurene’s eyes. Even at her pitiful and fragile appearance that would normally compel one to embrace her, Tatar’s expression remained unchanged.
“Don’t say such things! You said we’d be together, that my place was by your side…!”
Tatar tilted his head slightly. His gaze, looking down at her, contained not a shred of warmth. Eurene belatedly realized this.
“Did I say that to you directly? Think back. Who was it that made such a promise to you?”
“That’s…!”
Eurene bit her lower lip hard and avoided his gaze. It was the late Empress who had made that promise to her.
But would the late Empress have so easily made such meaningless promises that should only be exchanged between the imperial family and noble houses? She had thought it was a promise between the imperial family and her house, and if not for the end of the war, surely there would have been a marriage proposal from the imperial family to the Castallo duchy.
‘Poor thing. Your place was never meant to be there. It should have been here in this palace, by Tatar’s side…’
The late Empress’s regretful voice echoed in Eurene’s ears. Eurene looked up at Tatar’s unfeeling expression with tear-filled eyes and cried out.
“She promised our marriage! Not that demon Empress!”
“Ha, this is maddening.”
Tatar roughly ran his hand through his hair. He knew from countless regressions that she was not someone he could reason with, but facing her true nature directly again, he didn’t even know where to begin pointing out her flaws.
“Get lost. I don’t have time to waste talking to you.”
Eurene fumbled in her pocket with trembling hands. Hadn’t she brought something from the mansion in case of this very situation?
Holy water. With this, she could save her brother from the Empress’s wicked spell and bring him back to her true self.
The moment Eurene took out the vial, Tatar’s eyes changed completely, and he roughly knocked it out of her hand.
Clatter—
The vial that had fallen from Eurene’s hand rolled across the floor.
Thanks to the thick glass and tightly sealed lid, it didn’t break or leak, but the startled Eurene couldn’t even scream as she clutched her reddening right hand.
“H-huu…”
“I don’t know what you’re trying to pull, but I won’t allow any of your belongings in my palace. I’m restraining myself from killing you right now, so get lost, Eurene Castallo.”
Eurene staggered and sank to the floor.
Deron, who had belatedly rushed over, sent a questioning look asking for an explanation of the situation, but Tatar completely ignored it as he boarded the carriage that had arrived later than scheduled.
“Get in, Deron. Let’s go to where the Empress left for earlier. And from now on, block Eurene Castallo’s access to the imperial palace.”
“Yes, Your Majesty…”
Tatar departed, leaving behind Eurene who was shedding tears with a blank expression and bowed head. As if he hadn’t left anything behind.
* * *
Tired. Tatar closed his eyes.
Even though the carriage had stopped, he didn’t get out. Through the window, he could see the outer wall of an old detached palace. She had hurriedly left her seat because of something related to Vante, but now it seemed it was because of something related to his uncle.
He couldn’t meet Vinea with this sticky, dirty feeling. Especially not now, after recalling the memories he least wanted to remember.
He lowered his head and looked forward.
“Deron.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
A black and ferocious shadow whose face couldn’t be recognized answered. It exuded an aura that sent chills down his spine and seemed ready to pounce and kill him at any moment.
Tatar kept telling himself that this was just a hallucination. That the person sitting before him was not a phantom to be cut down with a sword, but his aide Deron. Yet the discomfort he felt was so vivid that he felt he might grasp his sword at any moment.
“Get out first. I have something to sort out.”
“Understood.”
As Deron left the carriage, Tatar ran his dry hand over his face.
“Eurene Castallo. And Balak Utar…”
Even now, the memories of his 34th life were vivid.
The glass rolling on the floor, the damp carpet, the air in the room filled with an unpleasant scent, and we collapsed.
After the incident that day, he let go of the last hope he had been holding onto. Between his fingers covering his face, Tatar quietly opened his eyes.
“Yes. That’s when it started.”
The point when she made a different choice from him, who chose to remain in hell.
He forgot his world, and she lost hers.
All of it began with just a cup of tea.
