Chapter 8
“It’s boring.”
That same voice fell on her lowered head, as if she were a criminal.
The man’s expression, seen briefly, was hard to describe. But Jisoo thought it was probably just her imagination.
“Oh, I thought there was actually something going on.”
His voice was too light and cheerful as he said that. And Jisoo knew what that meant.
Mockery. And then, just a beat later, came resentment.
You don’t know anything. Yeah, he didn’t know anything.
He said he’d completely erased all memories of her. And he really didn’t remember a thing.
Ever since they met again, it felt like walking with no ground under her feet. Killing her once-tender feelings and facing him as a stranger was like wandering in a bottomless swamp.
That’s how desperate and sincere she had been when she said those things. Even in her disgust, she’d been willing to throw herself into it.
But hearing him speak like that made her feel like a shameless liar.
“Eat more.”
He spoke in the same calm voice as before. But it no longer sounded kind.
So Jisoo couldn’t lift her spoon again. Her downcast lashes trembled slightly.
“I’ll get going now.”
“Why? Just get in the car.”
Lee Heon spoke to her through the driver’s window, rolled down.
Looking paler than when she first arrived, Jisoo shook her head.
“I can take the bus.”
She replied flatly. Being around him only brought more self-torture. She wanted to end things here today.
He replied with a dull, “Alright then,” and didn’t ask again. He drove off without another word.
Jisoo stood blankly, watching the back of the car as it disappeared, then turned and started walking toward the bus stop. It was quite far out, and even with an express bus, it would take time to get back.
As she walked slowly, Jisoo reflected on the whirlwind of the past.
One month.
It had been a month since he appeared in front of her again.
Taesung. And Lee Heon.
Names she couldn’t separate from herself. But three years ago, she had lived pretending not to see or hear them.
The harsh wall of reality stood in her way. It always had. It would be a lie to say she hadn’t hoped for a dramatic reunion.
‘Do you not remember me?’
But when they actually faced each other, she realized just how vague and worthless all her hopes had been.
The man who had always knocked at her heart, who smiled only at her despite his coldness to the world.
‘Should I remember you?’
His eyes looked at her like she was less than a stranger colder, sharper than anything she had imagined.
That moment declared the end of their relationship. And only then did the reality she had been avoiding come crashing in.
“Ah!”
She had walked quite a distance when her ankle twisted on a sudden step. She barely caught herself and looked down.
Her shoe heel had broken shoes she’d put on without thinking.
I had a bad feeling. Of all days, it had to be today. A day like this. A day swallowed by misery. Of all days.
Sighing, Jisoo limped to a nearby store and sat on the step-in front of the shuttered door, inspecting her broken heel.
I didn’t ask to be born. I never wanted this kind of life. And yet the world felt so cruel, demanding that she keep surviving no matter what.
She wished something just one thing would go her way. But not even that one thing had ever been allowed to her.
Whenever she reached for more, the world snapped back, telling her to know her place. After so many failures, she had become numb to unhappiness.
Maybe that’s why Lee Heon, who kept breaking through her cracks no matter how hard she pushed him away, felt so important.
Because he seemed like her only hope in a life full of misfortune. At least, that’s how it felt once.
Her twisted ankle ached. The cold wind pierced her skin and stung her heart.
But strangely, she welcomed it. For now, she felt like she needed this cold silence to soothe her body and emotions. Until the storm inside her calmed. Until her heart settled.
Her nose stung, and she lowered her head just in time to feel something heavy draped over her shoulders. A warm coat. And a familiar scent.
“You’re really bad at listening.”
Didn’t I tell you not to make it worse?
His annoyed muttering came from above, but Jisoo didn’t look up.
What more do I have to do? Her chest filled with unspeakable resentment.
Why, of all days now? Like he wanted to see the very bottom of her.
She had already given up. She had no strength left to feel anything.
As Jisoo slumped like a doll, Lee Heon knelt on one knee in front of her. Without hesitation, he lifted her foot and looked at it.
“Ugh.”
She flinched from his unkind touch. It was more swollen than she thought.
“You should’ve just taken the ride when I offered.”
With her head lowered, all she could see was the back of his head. His voice was cold, but his touch was oddly gentle.
It was that gentleness that made her want to cry. These words. These actions. All of this.
It was his way of unlocking the tightly closed door to her heart.
“Can I ask you something?”
Her voice was tight. He answered easily.
“Go ahead.”
“The proposal you made before”
“What were you thinking when you said that?”
Her tone was flat, but she really wanted to know. As she asked, Lee Heon stopped examining her ankle and looked up.
The street was dim, and even the streetlights didn’t help much. She couldn’t read his face.
“Well”
“Probably the same thing you were thinking?”
His composed tone hadn’t changed. But it hit her like a blade. His careless words landed like a rock in her chest.
She didn’t know all that was in his heart, but one thing she knew: When she offered herself to him when she accepted his cruel proposal.
It hadn’t been something light. It came from a place of deep desperation and longing.
“I…”
Even without money, letting go of her pride had been hard. It felt like stabbing herself.
“But what if I say I’m willing?”
Still, once she made up her mind, everything moved quickly. Alone again, Jisoo tore herself apart over and over.
After throwing away the last of her pride, she finally felt peace.
“Why? Do you actually want to sleep with me?”
With ease maybe even kindness he said such blunt words. Yet his face remained unreadable.
“Yes.”
Her bold, calm answer made the corner of his lips lift slightly.
That smile vanished quickly, and his face returned to a calm state. But inside, he was clearly a mess.
His sharp jaw was held in his large hand. His scent hit her nose without warning as he drew close. Her eyes, full yet oddly empty, met his indifferent, cold gaze.
Lee Heon studied her smooth, pale face with eyes that held no affection. Like someone putting a price on something.
“She used to be popular because she was pretty.”
Why did those pathetic words come to mind now? Just a childish judgment from immature people, she had thought.
What bothered her more was that she hadn’t even tried to correct them. Ordinary things she wouldn’t normally care about became special when it came to her. He never made exceptions until her.
And because it was him, there was no one else to blame. As if she really did become something to him.
That made him uncomfortable. He knew it was irrational, just childish stubbornness.
That’s how he always reacted to unexpected variables. And clearly, she was one now.
Lee Heon stared at her face for a long time, his expression unreadable. Then he muttered softly:
“You’re not bad to look at.”
Even if this was all fake, she looked good enough to play along. And then, their lips met.
Thud. The hotel room door closed loudly. It felt like she had to brace herself, like facing a huge test. His space. She had been here once before, but now it felt different.
Inside, Jisoo fiddled with the hem of her blouse. She had walked in confidently, but now looked awkward.
Now… What should I do?
Should I just start undressing? Or go wash up first?
As she hesitated and turned around, he stepped up and spun her around by the shoulders.
Their lips met before she could even close her eyes. He pushed her back, and in seconds they crossed the large room. Her head hit the hard wall. Before she could even feel pain, he pressed in.
Jisoo’s shoulders trembled as she clumsily opened her mouth and let him in.
The kiss wasn’t sweet. Not even foreplay. Just a cold ritual before sex.
How did things end up like this?
She hadn’t planned for this. She was going to work, eat, and go home.
But her body followed instinct. Heat grew deep in her belly. She laughed at herself.
Their bodies tangled messily. She couldn’t tell whose breath was whose.
His rough, hungry movements were savage. Mm… Ah. His tongue pushed past her teeth and hit her throat, pulling out moans.
He kissed her like he wouldn’t allow a single inch untouched. She gasped for breath.
She turned her head away, unable to take it.
And saw his displeased face.
“You’re not focused.”
“Ah!”
Unhappy with her stiffness, he bit her lower lip. She couldn’t stop the sound that escaped. His hands pushed up her clothes again.
Even without kindness, the heat surrounding them made it feel like they were doing something close to love.
Maybe because, unlike his usual cold words and actions, his touch felt desperate and warm.
Like he really wanted something from her. Foolishly, she thought maybe it wasn’t just in her head.
“Mm.”
Another soft moan slipped from her lips as they touched again.
