Chapter 28
‘If that happens, then many futures will change again, right?’
Asilie couldn’t clearly tell what exactly would change.
Just because she returned to the past didn’t mean she had become a god.
She was still a human who couldn’t see even one step ahead. In fact, many things were already changing, so she couldn’t even be sure of the future she had once known.
‘What’s the best thing I can do?’
The gun would be shown to people in its complete form about 2 to 3 years from now.
With the appearance of this new weapon, many people were affected. So it was only natural that their futures would also change.
If one factor changed, then all the results that followed it would also change.
She was worried. What if among those changed outcomes was something she couldn’t even imagine?
“…I think I can solve that problem for you.”
But the reason she had come to Jonathan was, in the end, to speed up the time the gun would be made.
Many things were changing, but unlike when he married Siena, Esperad, who married her, had not received the right to succeed the throne.
So she had to come up with the most certain way to protect them.
That was the gun.
“Huh?”
Jonathan opened his eyes wide at her sudden words.
“I think I know what you’re talking about. Something similar to what you described. ‘Gunpowder’ is being used in a neighboring country. I don’t know if it’s officially imported, but I think I can find a way to get it.”
When she said “tell me if anything is difficult,” he thought it was just a polite phrase. He never imagined she would actually offer a solution, so Jonathan was completely shocked.
Even when they were talking and when she placed materials in the workshop that might be needed to make a gun, he didn’t think she had no knowledge at all.
Still, he never imagined she could solve something that had made him worry for so long, and solve it so easily.
Could the woman who saved him be even more amazing than he thought?
“I-Is that true?”
“Check for yourself if that’s what you’re looking for. I’ll get you some gunpowder soon.”
“Thank you, madam. I’ll really do my best to make it.”
Jonathan bowed repeatedly, still looking like he couldn’t believe it.
Even though it felt like she was doing something she could never take back, Asilie calmed her anxious heart and turned away.
She had to do what she needed to do.
The Count and Countess Artlinger ended up staying a bit longer at the Medici Mansion than planned.
Originally, they had planned to leave for the doctor’s after spending one night, but Siena’s condition kept worsening, so their schedule had to change.
Asilie sent the mansion’s doctor to help Siena, but after that polite gesture, she didn’t pay them any more attention.
She wasn’t exactly displeased by their presence, but it was still uncomfortable.
Especially when she stood in front of Siena, she felt like a thief, even though Siena’s husband hadn’t died yet.
A thief who had taken something she didn’t deserve.
Thankfully, Asilie had many duties as the Duchess, so she was free from the burden of having to see them and could focus on her work.
Then one morning, on the third day of the Artlinger couple’s stay at the mansion, something happened.
“Madam, shall I prepare breakfast?”
“I had a snack late last night while finishing some work, so my stomach feels heavy. I think it’s better to have lunch a little earlier instead.”
“Then I won’t prepare breakfast. Should I ask the kitchen to move lunch up by an hour?”
Asilie nodded at Mrs. Marce and put on her gown before getting out of bed.
She was tired, but her stomach felt too bloated to stay still.
Hoping to feel better with a walk, Asilie went outside—and ended up running into the one person she really didn’t want to see.
It was Siena.
“Duchess de Medici.”
Asilie wanted to pretend she hadn’t seen her, but Siena called out in a cheerful voice, so she couldn’t ignore her.
Asilie gave her a polite smile and greeted her.
“Good morning, madam. I heard you weren’t feeling well. Are you okay today?”
“I’m much better. Thanks to the doctor you sent, I was able to take the right medicine, so I think I recovered much faster than usual. Thank you, madam.”
“It’s nothing. I just did what any host should do for a guest staying at the Medici Mansion.”
Though she said the word “guest” naturally, Asilie felt a sting of guilt.
This was why she didn’t like facing Siena.
Things that should be right and proper suddenly didn’t feel right in front of her.
“Still, I’m grateful. We came without warning, but you’ve treated us with such care.”
“It’s nothing. I hope you feel comfortable during your stay.”
“I hope so, too. My health has been so poor lately, I don’t even remember the last time I woke up with a clear mind like today.”
Siena lowered her eyes with a gloomy expression.
Not long after she got married, she started suffering from a mysterious illness.
Sometimes she fainted suddenly, and she was tormented by unexplained headaches and stomach pain. Sometimes she had hallucinations or heard things because of high fevers.
After suffering for a year, Thomas made a decision.
He believed the noisy, crowded capital was bad for her, so he decided to leave it behind and return to their estate.
Siena tried to stop him.
Leaving the capital also meant giving up politics.
There were many nobles trying to rise in the capital, and she didn’t want Thomas to give all that up just because of her.
But his will was firm.
“I did something terrible to my husband. Because of me, an ambitious man had to give up everything and return to the countryside.”
“That was his choice. He chose you over life in the capital.”
“I know. But I don’t know if I’m worth it.”
Siena couldn’t hold back her tears.
She had never said this out loud to Thomas, who always did his best for her.
He had already given up so much because of her. She was afraid that if he knew how she felt, he might regret his choice.
“I hope you won’t think that way.”
Asilie spoke quietly, like a whisper.
“Just as you love him, the Count must think of you as someone precious and valuable. Value is something that depends on perspective. Please don’t compare yourself to others and belittle yourself for what you don’t have.”
Maybe it was because those words brought her comfort—Siena let out a soft sob.
She quickly took out a handkerchief and wiped her tears, embarrassed by her own reaction.
“Maybe you are also someone who has something others don’t. Maybe someone envies you.”
“Duchess… sob…”
“You’ll get better soon.”
Asilie held Siena’s cold hand but couldn’t bring herself to say that she was the one who envied her.
“Do you really think… I can get better?”
“Of course.”
“I’m scared. I’m always scared. I’m afraid that if I fall asleep, I won’t wake up the next day. I’m scared Thomas will find me cold and lifeless in the morning…”
“That won’t happen.”
“No, I think it will. I can’t bear it. I don’t know why I’m living like this, why I keep holding on to life this way… sob…”
Siena shut her eyes tightly in pain.
Asilie looked at her quietly.
She felt ashamed of her own emotions, but honestly, she was jealous of this Siena.
Asilie had never been loved.
Even with a pretty face and a healthy body, she was killed by the man she loved.
But Siena, with her sick body, was loved deeply by both her current husband and Esperad, whom she would marry later.
Siena probably experienced more happiness than Asilie ever did in her past life.
That made Asilie so envious.
What kind of luck did this woman have to be loved like this?
Even though she understood Siena’s pain, she couldn’t truly sympathize.
She knew that the end Siena feared would never come—at least not before Asilie’s own death.
“People live to be happy. So I hope you won’t think you’re unhappy. You have so much. You’re next to someone who loves you, being loved, and heading toward happiness.”
Asilie said those words to comfort Siena, but they didn’t comfort her at all.
In her previous life, when she was ignored and blamed by everyone, Asilie had told herself the same thing.
That living beside the person she loved meant she had at least half-succeeded.
The result of that patience was failure.
But Siena would have a different future. She was not Asilie.
‘What am I lacking, that I can’t have anything this woman has?’
The situation felt ridiculous. She, who had nothing, was shamelessly comforting someone like Siena.
“Thank you for saying that, madam.”
“I just shared my thoughts. I hope it helped.”
Asilie let go of Siena’s hand.
Other than being a bit thin, Siena’s hand felt no different from anyone else’s—but it still felt strange.
She didn’t want to hold that hand again.
She didn’t want to act like this again.
No, she didn’t want to face Siena ever again.
No matter how hard she tried, no matter how little had happened yet, in front of Siena, Asilie became a coward who stole what wasn’t hers by using others’ ignorance.
Everything she said and did became a lie.
Feeling this way was painful—and it made her angry.
“It really helped. Thank you, Duchess.”
Siena sincerely thanked her, and Asilie felt her stomach twist even more. She forced a smile.
“I’m glad. I’ll go inside now. See you again, Countess.”
With that, Asilie turned and walked back to her room without hesitation.
The walk had been a complete failure.
Asilie was busy. Unlike the other noblewomen.
It was a sad thing.
While the noble ladies were preparing exhibitions and sending invitations to show off their wealth, elegance, and cultural taste, Asilie had to stay in her office, staring at documents until her eyes hurt.
Even during the occasional break time, she couldn’t rest completely. She had to write replies to the invitations she received.
Just because she was busy didn’t mean she could skip social gatherings.
When attending exhibitions, especially common in June and July, it was polite to bring a gift for the host. So even in her busy schedule, Asilie had to go out to buy presents.
There was news waiting for her when she returned from a busy errand.
“The Count and Countess of Artlinger have left.”
Asilie widened her eyes and asked Esperad,
“I spoke with the Countess just this morning, and you’re saying they left?”
“They said they felt they had to hurry while the Countess was feeling better. She wanted you to know she’s sorry she couldn’t say goodbye.”
“I see. I hope the Countess recovers quickly.”
Asilie mumbled something meaningless.
Siena would not recover. Seven years later, she would be even thinner and paler than she was now. So frail, it was amazing she could even stand.
“I think the same. Oh, and I’ve finalized the date to go down to the estate.”
“When is it?”
“Next Monday.”
Since the summer conference that had kept Astell’s nobles busy was wrapping up, Esperad had decided this was a good time to step away and visit the estate.
After Benjamin’s death, he had only received brief reports and had never visited the estate himself, so it was on his mind.
For the sake of the estate’s people, they had to prepare for drought and pests, check the expected harvest, and adjust food supplies.
It wasn’t urgent, but it was best to deal with it while he had the time. That’s why he scheduled it for Monday afternoon, right after the upcoming meeting.
“I plan to stay as long as possible and take care of everything thoroughly. If it’s all right, would you like to come with me?”
She only hesitated for a moment. Then Asilie shook her head.
If it were just a relaxed visit like a trip, that would be one thing, but if there was much work to be done, she didn’t want to get in the way.
Besides, she had already replied that she would attend an exhibition next week.
Rather than sending a letter saying she couldn’t come after all, it would be better to plan for another time to visit the estate.
“I don’t think I can. I have some scheduled social gatherings already, and I’d feel bad making you worry about me while you’re already busy. Let’s go together next time, Esperad.”
“That’s too bad.”
He meant to say “Alright,” but without realizing, he ended up saying it was a shame.
Esperad was a little flustered by his own words.
“Sorry. I really did want to go with you.”
“No, it’s okay. Traveling all the way to the estate is tiring too.”
He quickly tried to cover what he had just said.
Thankfully, Asilie didn’t seem to pay much attention to the “too bad” comment.
“Still, next time, let’s definitely go together. Oh, by the way, aren’t you working in your office today?”
“I’m planning to rest. Things aren’t going well.”
“Are you feeling unwell? You’re not sick, are you?”
He smiled.
Just by looking at his build, anyone could tell he was very healthy and not someone who would get sick easily. Yet Asilie looked at him with genuine concern.
Even though it felt like unnecessary emotional energy, Esperad strangely felt pleased.
“You don’t have to worry. Some days are just like that—sometimes things go well, and sometimes they don’t.”
“I see. That’s a relief. I was worried you might not be feeling well…”
“Do I look that weak to you?”
“What? No, of course not. You know that’s not what I meant.”
“I just wanted to check. If I do look like that, I’m curious how much better I need to take care of myself to pass your standards.”
Asilie chuckled and answered,
“…You already passed just fine.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“Of course. Oh, and if there’s anything you need to take with you to the estate, please let me know in advance. I’ll prepare it.”
“You will?”
“It’s something I should do. You could call it… part of being a good wife?”
It felt strange.
He definitely acknowledged Asilie as his wife, but when she actually started to carry out the duties that Astell’s society expected of a wife, it tickled his heart in a funny way.
“Esperad? There’s really nothing you need prepared?”
As Esperad sat there with a blank expression, lost in thought, Asilie called him again and looked into his eyes.
The moment he met her clear amber gaze, he felt as if his heart dropped.
“Ah, no. Nothing comes to mind right now… I’ll let you know through Mrs. Marce later.”
Esperad quickly replied and turned his eyes away from hers.
He suddenly felt like his body was burning up, and his face turned bright red.
It was hot. It seemed summer had already arrived.
